


She Keeps Me Warm

by NightWriter89



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:30:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5856025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightWriter89/pseuds/NightWriter89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina gets send to the Marine Corps after she's been busted spray painting a brand new house. Her mother isn't happy about her choice and disowns Regina, forbidding her to write her sister Zelena. Emma is forced to go to rehab after Ruby is done with Emma's drug abuse. Emma is bored and starts to write to Regina through a pen pal programme. Regina doesn't reply immediately, but feels intrigued by Emma. Will she change her mind and write Emma back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regina

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you for reading. While writing this story, I've been inspired by Hunnyfresh's story Letters From War. So if this story comes across as similar, I apologize, I never intended to copy her work and I hope you will continue to read to find out I'm having another twist.
> 
> I want to dedicated this story to Wessel, a dear friend of mine, who passed away during the process of writing.

13 July 2000, New York  
The sun was descending as 17 year old Regina Mills made her way through the streets of New York on her BMX, she was followed by her two best friends Nate and Amy. They were heading towards a new spot Nate had heard about from his gang buddies. Regina didn’t like his buddies much, but Nate was okay. They crossed the interstate to South New York. Nate sped up and led the way to this new spot. Regina saw it was a terrain with new buildings and what she spotted were all fancy houses. She wondered if her mother would want to move to these houses. Her mother had hated the house where they lived now ever since her father had died. Regina loved that old house, she always could smell the history. She knew she would hate it to move to this place.

“We’re here,” Nate exclaimed, pulling the brunette out of her thoughts.

They stood in front of an especially fancy house, complete with a stone wall and iron gates.

“You want to break in here?” Amy asked frowning.

“Yeah, it’s the only one left without a security system,” Nate explained.

“Are you sure?” Regina questioned.

“Yeah, I am. Come on!”

He climbed over the wall, Amy followed suit. Nate appeared on top of the wall and Regina lifted up the bikes. After she had handed her own bike to him, she climbed up the wall as well and landed on the other side. She whistled impressed. In front of the house was a pretentious fountain, surrounded by a large driveway that led up to the steps in front of the front door.

“G, come on!”

She saw Nate and Amy running off to the side of the house. Regina followed them around the house, finding them in front of a clean white wall.

“It’s perfect,” she grinned as she let her backpack slip to the ground.

“Told you so,” Nate smirked, already having a spray can in his hand.

Regina grabbed the four spray cans she had in her bag and stalled them against the wall. After that she grabbed the remaining black can out of her bag. She looked up at the wall, squeezing her eyes shut to visualize what she was going to make. She nodded and walked to her backpack to grab something to drink. That’s when she got face to face with a very angry looking Rottweiler. As soon as the dog saw her, it started barking and came charging after her.

“Shit!”

She turned around and started sprinting back, her water bottle fell to the ground. Nate and Amy looked up alarmed at the barking dog and started running as well. Regina managed to grab her backpack and saw Nate and Amy climb over the wall.

“Guys! Wait up!” she yelled after them, but they were gone.  
The wall was too high on this side to climb up on, so Regina stood with her back against the wall waiting for the attacking dog. The attack never came and as she opened her eyes, she saw the dog kneeling next to a tall man. She swallowed thickly looking up at him.

“Hi,” she said.

~~~

16 July 2000, New York  
The courthouse room was empty except for Regina, her mother Cora and the judge. After she had been caught, the owner of the house had called the police and her mother had refused to bail her out. So now she was in court after spending two nights in jail. To be honest, she couldn’t care less where she slept, as long as it was away from home. Uninterested, she stared at her hands waiting for the judge to tell her the verdict.

“I hope you had time to think about your actions, young lady,” the judge started, looking down at the young brunette. “Because this is your third run-in with the law, you’re not getting off with a warning this time.” Behind her, her mother gasped. “However, you get to choose. Juvenile Detention or Marine Corps,” the judge said, looking over her glasses.

Regina looked up frowning. Marine Corps? Her mother hadn’t expected this either. “You want her to join the Marines?” her mother asked with a shrill voice.

That was the voice she used when she felt uncomfortable or out of control. Regina knew out of experience that didn’t happen often. She smirked, feeling amused.

“Yes ma’am. I think it will do her good,” the judge explained. “If she chooses the Marine Corps she will be stationed at Marine Corps Recruit Depot Parris Island, South Carolina,” she added.

“No, no way! Can’t I just…”

The hammer came down hard on the wood, shutting her mother up effectively.

The judge looked at Regina. “Have you made your choice?”

“Marine Corps, your honor,” she answered, hearing her mother groan in disdain.

“Marine Corps it is. Keep in mind, that if you fail, you get sent to the juvenile center after all.”

Regina nodded. “Understood, your honor.”

The judge nodded and stood up. “Good luck and I hope you’ll make this country proud.” After those words, she left the courtroom.

Regina stood up and turned to face her mother. “Why are you always so cross wise?” she asked as they made their way outside.

The brunette just shrugged, wondering if she made the right choice. Outside the courtroom a woman dressed in a black suit was waiting for them.

“I’m miss Lanes, I’ll bring you home to pick up your belongings and will escort you to South Carolina,” she introduced herself.

Regina nodded and followed the woman, leaving her fuming mother behind.

~~~

The car stopped in front of Regina’s house and she looked up at it. Her mother’s car passed them and parked in the driveway. Her mother got out of the car and waited impatiently for her oldest daughter. Miss Lane looked at Regina and the brunette shifted her gaze to the woman next to her.

“It will be a two and a half hour flight. Take your time to say goodbye and gather your belongings. The plane leaves tonight,” she said.

Regina nodded and got out of the car. She closed the door behind her and crossed the street. As soon as she reached her mother, Cora grabbed her arm and dragged her inside the house. Inside she got pushed up the stairs, Cora finally let go of her arm. Regina walked up the stairs to her room, her mother followed her silently. She knew her mother was boiling inside and she was waiting for the moment she would burst.

“You should have chosen juvenile detention, Regina. Our lawyer could have gotten you out in no time,” her mother started through gritted teeth.

Regina huffed, her family had a lawyer business, and of course she would have gotten out easily.

“You can still go, you know. Just fail and you’ll be sent to juvy,” her mother pondered out loud.

“Weren’t you the one who taught me not to fail?” Regina asked, turning to face her mother.

“You can’t seriously think you’re cut out for that line of work, can you?” her mother questioned.

Regina grabbed her duffel bag from the top of her closet and started to throw clothes in it. “Maybe I am,” she said, walking over to her desk to grab the single photo frame with a picture of her father in it. She looked at it for a moment and put it in her bag.

“No. My daughter is not joining the bloody Marines! You’re going to flunk and when you get back, you’ll start working at the firm,” her mother said decisively.

Now Regina looked up, throwing her running shoes in the bag. “Has it ever crossed your mind maybe I don’t want to work in the firm?” she spat.

For a moment Cora was stunned. “Do not speak like that to your mother, young lady. And you will listen to me, because I know best!”

“Do you?” Regina asked, zipping up her duffel bag.

She threw it over her shoulder and stepped past her mother out of her room. She decided that she would buy everything she forgot to pack. She needed to get out of this house. On her way downstairs, she ran into her 14-year old sister Zelena.

“Where are you going?” she asked, seeing the duffel bag and the determined look on her sister’s face.

The 17-year old stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face her sister. “I’m joining the Marine Corps,” she said simply.

Zelena’s eyes lit up. “Really? That’s so cool!” she exclaimed.

“No, it’s not. Zelena, go to your room!” their mother yelled behind them.

Regina quickly hugged her sister. “Take care of yourself, Squirrel,” she said softly.

“I’ll miss you lots,” Zelena said, letting go of Regina.

Regina made her way down the stairs, Cora followed suit. “If you step out of that door, you will no longer be welcome in this house,” Cora threatened.

Regina looked back at her with the doorknob in her hand. “Goodbye, mother,” she said and stepped out of the door.

She walked to the waiting car, threw her bag in the backseat and got in the car.

“Everything okay?” miss Lane asked.

“Let’s just go.”

Miss Lane just nodded. She started the car and drove off. In the rear-view mirror she saw Zelena waving in the driveway, her mother walked up to her and dragged her back inside. Regretting she had to leave her sister in the claws of her mother, Regina looked through the rear window. She would be coming back for her sister, she promised herself.

~~~

Regina walked out of the airport, her duffel bag bouncing on her back with every step. The evening was setting in, the sun descending. Regina scanned the pick-up spot in front of the airport for her ride to Parris Island. In the back she spotted a black minivan and suspected that was her ride. She walked over to it and was met with a strict looking man.

“Name?” he asked, looking at her from under his hat.

“Regina Mills,” she said intimidated.

The man nodded, checked something off on his clipboard and looked back up at her. “You can leave your baggage over there,” he pointed at the trunk of the van.

Regina nodded and dumped her duffel bag in it. She walked back and without another word the man gestured she could enter the van. She dove into the back of the van and sat down at an empty spot next to the window. She spotted a few more girls on the van, but it wasn’t busy. After waiting another 15 minutes in which a handful recruits stepped on board, the doors closed and Regina knew there was no turning back from this point. She took a deep breath as the motor under her roared and the van took off. She placed her headphones on her head and stared outside. It had turned dark completely by now, so she couldn’t make out her surroundings. When they were about 10 minutes from their destination, the same man from earlier turned around in his seat. Regina slipped her headphones around her neck and looked up.  
“Listen up. We’ll be shortly arriving at Parris Island. Tomorrow your new life starts. For some of you this is a fresh new start, for others this is the last station. Make it count. Do your damn best at succeeding the most demanding training and earn the title Marine. Good luck!”

Regina looked up and saw they arrived at her new home for the next 12 weeks. The van came to a stop and the doors opened. She stood up from her seat and walked out of the van. She grabbed her duffel bag from the trunk and waited for instructions. The door of the main building opened and a tall black man approached their little group.

“Welcome at Parris Island. Tonight you’ll be assigned to your barrack and bunk. At your bunk you’ll find your uniforms. You are to keep your bunk and closet tight and clean, understood?” the man barked.

“sir, yes sir!” Regina yelled along with the rest.

“Alright. Swanson, barrack 14, bunk 2. Mills, barrack 10, bunk 16.”

Regina picked up her duffel bag and jogged to her barrack. The barrack was empty as she entered. She walked over to her bunk and sunk on her bed. What a day it had been. From the court in New York to the fight with her mom and now she was here, about to be trained as a Marine. More girls filed in the barrack, one of them approached the bed next to her. The girl was smaller than her and to be honest looked a bit weak. Regina wondered what she was doing here.

“Hi, I’m Jennifer McHale,” the girl introduced herself, stretching her hand out at Regina.

“Regina Mills,” Regina replied.

“Looks like we’re neighbors for the time being.”

Regina just nodded and opened her closet. In it hung her official uniform. Regina took it out of the closet and looked at it, she wondered how it would look on her. She smiled and hung it back. On one of the boards lay her every day uniform, existing out of khaki pants, grey t-shirt, blouse, cap and boots, all in army green colors. Next to it lay a pair of training sweets, a shirt and trainers. Regina nodded impressed and for the first time she realized this was serious business. No room for messing around or being lazy. She hadn’t expected it, but she actually looked forward to it. She finally felt she had a purpose, a goal in life. She knew that if she finished the training correctly, she would be shipped out to fight in a war somewhere across the world. Strangely enough it didn’t scare her like she expected. She felt good. She unpacked her duffel bag and closed her closet. She looked around and saw half of the barrack was still empty.

“The rest of the recruits arrive tomorrow,” Jennifer informed her.

“Right,” Regina replied and laid down on her bunk.

Apparently Jennifer wasn’t done talking. “I’m from Maine. Where are you from?” she asked.

Regina turned her head to look at her, she wasn’t really in the mood for talking, but Jennifer seemed nice enough. “New York,” she answered.

“Really? I’ve always wanted to visit New York,” Jennifer said enthusiastic.

“It’s really pretty, especially in the fall,” Regina told the other girl.

The girl nodded and fell silent. Regina was about to start reading her book as Jennifer spoke up again.

“Are you scared?”

“Of the training? A bit, I suppose,” Regina admitted, looking up from her book. “You?”

“It scares the hell out of me. I don’t know if I can do this,” Jennifer confessed.

“Then why are you here?”

“Because both my parents were Marines and they want me to follow in their footsteps, even though I’m not a boy,” the blonde told her.

“So you are forced to be here?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

Suddenly the door flew open and one of the Drill Instructors came in. “Lights out!” he yelled and immediately the lights were shut off. Protests drifted through the air, but the instructor ignored it and left the barrack.

“I’m sorry,” Regina said as she changed in sweat pants and a shirt quickly.

“Ah well, we’ll see how far I can get,” Jennifer answered. “I only hope that if I flunk I don’t have to try again.”

Regina nodded and slipped under the covers. She listened to the soft chatter around her and heard it die down slowly. Soon enough everyone was asleep and Regina felt herself drift off as well…

(Week 1)  
17 July 2000, Parris Island  
The first week flew by. That first day they had to get up before six a.m. for breakfast. After that they had to stand on the yellow footsteps with all the recruits as a Drill Instructor explained the Uniform Code of Military Justice. When that was done they received their gear, existing out of a night vision monocular, ballistic hearing protection, bullet proof tactical vest, pouches, first aid kit, squad radio, rifle and rifle combat optic. Then they were ordered to line up for a number of medical evaluations.  
Regina found herself almost at the start of the Initial Strength Test. Next to her stood a nervous Jennifer. Regina was glad she had kept up her training ever since she had left high school. She had been an athlete, starring at the tracks. Finally the start sign was given, starting with pull-ups/flexed-arm hang. She pulled up as long as she could and counted up till 15 seconds. She let go and landed back on the ground. She saw the Drill Instructor nod, apparently he was satisfied. She looked next to her and saw Jennifer just dropping down. Regina frowned surprised, the girl was stronger than she initially had thought. They continued with crunches, Regina assisted Jennifer first as she did her crunches. Regina counted with her and Jennifer reached 50 crunches as the two minutes mark passed.

“Well done,” Regina said as they changed spots.

“Thanks.”

Jennifer held her feet on the ground and Regina waited for the start sign. She started her crunches, trying to reach the minimum before the two minutes were up. Jennifer encouraged her while the Drill Instructors were yelling at them. Regina ignored them and reached 47 crunches.

“Nice job,” Jennifer said as they prepared for the timed run.

“Thanks.”

They made their way to the tracks and Regina smiled. It had been a while since she set foot on a running track.

“Alright ladies. Get in positions. You’re going to run 1.5 mile within 15 minutes. Fail and you’re out!” the Drill Instructor told them. “Good luck!”

The start sign was given and Regina took off. She was used to long runs, her PR was 2 mile in 20 minutes, so this wouldn’t be that hard. She kept in line, next to Jennifer. After a mile, she noticed Jennifer was struggling.

“Come on, you can do this. We’re almost there,” she encouraged the girl.

“Cramps,” the girl said between breathes.

“You’ve got to keep going. You can do it!”

Finally they crossed the line, well in time. Jennifer hunched forward, leaning on her knees, trying to catch her breath. Regina however was barely out of breath, her muscles were aching nonetheless.

“How come you’re not out of breath?” Jennifer asked as she stood up.

“I was a cross country runner during high school,” Regina told her. “But it’s been a while since I ran this far,” she admitted.

“This is no tea party! Report to your barracks!” the Drill Instructor barked and had them marching back to camp.

Without time to freshen up Regina stood at ease next to her made up bed. She looked straight ahead waiting for their permanent Drill Instructor. Finally the door opened and a handsome, strict looking man entered the barrack. Two other men followed him.

“Attention!” he barked. The entire group stood at attention. “I’m Drill Instructor Jackson. I’ll be your mother and father, boyfriend, brother or sister. I’ll be your God, your Allah and your Buddha. But foremost I’m your instructor and you listen to no one else, unless I say so! I see we already lost a couple of recruits. That’s what these weeks are about, to separate the chaff from the wheat! Are you wheat?”

“Yes sir!” sounded through the barrack.

“Are you wheat, I asked!”

“Yes sir!” they all but yelled.

“Good. Sergeant Miller will hand you the daily schedule for the coming weeks. Fail to obey this and you’re out.”

With that he left the barrack. Sergeant Miller handed out the schedules and left as well. Regina sat down on her bunk, studying the schedule. It didn’t look to bad. For the coming two weeks lots of fitness and running. Probably to get them in shape for the rest of the training. In week two they were getting drilled at keep the barrack tidy and clean. From week three things would get harder, Regina saw bayonet assault course, pugil stick and lots more. Week eleven looked interesting, a sort of survival called ‘The Crucible’. Looking at the schedule it made her realize it would be a really hard training. She really hoped she would be able to endure it and earn the title Marine. Before everything, before her father’s death she had never thought she would want to be a Marine, but she believed her father would be proud.

“Mills, you coming? It’s diner time,” Hanna, one of her group, asked.

Regina had noticed Hanna almost immediately after the girl had entered the barrack. The girl was a natural beauty with long dark curls and a dazzling smile. During the past weeks, Regina had fantasized about getting it on with Hanna, but she knew fraternizing wasn’t allowed. And the fact that she was into women, she had kept meticulous quiet. If the Marine Corps would find out she was gay, they would kick her out immediately. So no, there was no way she could hook up with the beautiful Hanna.

“Yeah, coming.”

She laid aside the schedule and followed Hanna outside.

(Week 3)  
31 July 2000, Parris Island  
This week was Bayonet Assault Course. Together with her barrack, Regina sat on a field, waiting for the briefing about the course. Regina was curious, as she understood they would learn how to properly use a bayonet, which was the removable fighting knife that attaches to the muzzle of the rifle, to kill an opponent. Drill Instructor Jackson appeared, holding a rifle with a bayonet.

“Today you’ll learn how to properly use a bayonet. Understood?” he asked.

“Aye sir,” the response was in unison.

“After today you’ll be able to kill an opponent,” he continued.

“Aye sir!”

“Gear up!”

They stood up and formed a line to the stand with rifles. Regina grabbed her rifle and held it up, so she wouldn’t stab anyone of her team. As soon as the line cleared, she held it out in front of her, lining it up horizontal.

“Go get ‘m!” one of the instructors yelled.

Regina charged and stabbed the wooden stick covered with tires. She stabbed it multiple times and hit the top of the stick with the hilt of her rifle. She continued to the next one and repeated her actions. She sometimes would change tactics and only stab quickly and hard. At the end of the course she was out of breath, but knew she had to go again and again. After three hours of practice, they sat down again, all sweaty and gasping. Regina looked around and saw Jennifer sitting a few feet away. She had improved these past weeks, had gotten stronger and build up an impressive condition. Regina figured she wanted to be a Marine after all.

“I hope you’re all proud,” Jackson started as he walked up and down the aisle they formed.

“Yes sir!”

“You properly destroyed my course.”

“Yes sir!”

“Tomorrow you’ll destroy it again.”

“Yes sir!”

Jackson nodded impressed, at least half of them would make fine Marines.

“Class dismissed.”

They all rose to their feet and marched back to camp. Ben Jackson followed them a bit later, his colleague and friend Gregory Miller walked beside him.

“They did pretty good, but I think we’ll lose a couple of them this week,” Gregory said as he handed Ben a couple of files.

“I picked up on that too, yes. Well, let’s go see if they want to clean the barracks again,” Ben grinned.  
They made their way to barrack 10 and stormed in.

“Alright ladies, let’s see if you’re a well raised woman and know how to fucking clean!” Miller yelled.

He and Ben started to clear the racks, throwing everything on the ground. Then they moved to the closets and cleaned those out as well. Finally they thrashed the showers and walked out of the barrack. Ben turned to face the shocked girls, a few were even crying.

“I’ll be back in fifteen minutes. When I get back, this place is spotless!”

With that he left, the door slammed close behind him.

~~~

“Son of a bitch!” one of the girls swore.

“What the hell was that?” another one asked.

“Let’s just clean up, okay? We’ve got 13 minutes left,” a fierce redhead spoke up, her name was  
Diana. “Let’s split up in three groups. One group takes care of the showers, another the racks and the last takes care of the closets. Okay?”

There were nods and soon the barrack was divided in the three groups. Regina found herself in the group responsible for the racks. Quickly she started making up the beds. She wondered if this was a part of the training or the DI’s were just playing with them. No matter the case, they had to obey. They made it barely in time and when DI Jackson and Miller returned, a few girls came running out of the shower panting. DI Jackson inspected Regina’s side, Miller took the other side. In complete silence the girls stood waiting their verdict. After what seemed hours, Jackson spoke up.

“Well done, barrack 10. At ease and enjoy your evening.”

With that they left the barrack and a sigh of relief rolled through the barrack.

“Great job everyone,” Diana said with a big smile.

Regina sat down and wondered what she was going to do tonight. The door opened and for a moment Regina thought the DI’s were back, but it was Sergeant Hudson who was responsible for the mail. He set down a large postbag in the middle of the barrack.

“It’s all yours,” he said and left.

There was a run on the bag, everyone wanted to know if they had mail. Regina just laid down, folding her arms behind her head. She knew there wouldn’t be any mail for her, her mother wouldn’t allow Zelena to write her or write herself. Jennifer came back with a couple of letters and looked up at Regina.

“Aren’t you going to check if you have mail?” she asked curious.

“There won’t be mail for me,” Regina answered.

“Why not?”

Regina just shrugged and sat up. “I’m going for a run. See you at diner.”

She stood up and left the barrack, leaving a curious Jennifer behind.

~~~

(Week 5)  
14 August 2000, Parris Island  
Heat beat down on her as Regina had her first lesson Martial Arts. Through the weeks she had become stronger in body and mind. The DI’s were sure to keep the discipline drilled into the recruits. The early mornings were no longer a bother to her, most of the time she woke up before the alarm. Now she sat cross legged on the field listening to the instructions.

“Alright. Time to move your asses! Partner up!” DI Jackson barked.

Regina rose to her feet and found a partner in Diana. Diana was a tall, broad woman and Regina knew this would be difficult. She took position in front of Diana and grabbed Diana’s arms that were slung around her neck as if to strangle her. Regina took a tight hold and waited for the whistle. When everyone was in position, the whistle sounded and Regina set her left leg behind Diana’s right foot. The whistle sounded again and Regina pushed her body back, feeling Diana lost her balance. She held on tight to prevent the girl from falling already and on the next whistle she turned her body left and Diana completely lost her balance and fell to the ground. Regina immediately lifted her arms up and balled her hands into fists to protect herself.

“Again!” DI Jackson barked.

This time Diana stood in front of Regina and they repeated the drill. After doing the same drill five times, DI Nolan ordered them to sit down again. He started explaining a new move which involved punching and kicks. Soon enough they were practicing these moves. Suddenly DI Jackson whistled hard and long and everyone stopped what they were doing. Regina looked up and saw one of the girls had a bloody nose, her partner looked really guilty.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” DI Nolan yelled in the direction of the girl.

“I’m sorry sir!”

“You’re sorry? Get your asses to the pit. All of you!”

Regina swallowed thickly, the pit wasn’t good. The pits were large sandboxes between the barracks, but these sandboxes weren’t much fun. She spit out her mouth protector and marched with the rest of her group to the pit. DI Jackson seized them up squinting.

“Hundred pushups!”

“Yes sir!”

Regina lowered herself quickly to the ground and waited for the whistle. Soon enough they were doing the pushups. Her shirt was sweat soaked by the time they were finished. After the pushups they were ordered to do jumping jacks and fifteen minutes of running on the spot.

“Let’s get back to business. At attention… march!” DI Jackson barked at them.

They marched back to the field. DI Jackson finished his lessons by showing them three more new moves. By the time they were finished, Regina was done with today. She took a quick refreshing shower and went to a late dinner. They were just in time before the kitchen closed, so they had to hurry.

The darkness had already began to descent as Regina and Jennifer walked back to their barrack. Regina looked aside at the blonde. She too had become stronger.

“How are you holding up?” Regina asked.

“Good. I like it more than I initially thought. Of course it’s intense, but I think I’ll make it,” the blonde smiled. “And you?”

“I think I’ll make it too. You’re quite right, it is intense. But I think it has been good for me, I’ve never felt so good. And I never knew I had that much muscles that could ache,” she joked.

Jennifer chuckled. “Yeah, me neither.” Silence fell between them. “Regina, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

They were standing in front of their barracks, neither of them looked very much forward to already going in. It was crowded and tensions were running high at the moment due to their visit to the pit.

“Why do you never receive mail? Don’t… don’t you have family?” Jennifer asked cautiously.

Regina dry chuckled. “Oh, I do have family. My mother disowned me when I joined the Marines,” she said.

“You’re kidding. What about a sister or a brother?” Jennifer pushed on.

Regina’s face saddened. “I have a sister. But knowing my mother, she has forbidden her to write me,” she explained. She felt her heart clenched painfully at the thought of Zelena.

“I’m sorry.”

Regina just nodded and stepped aside for sergeant Hudson who was carrying a large postbag.

“You’re Mills, right?” he asked as soon as he saw her.

“Yes,” Regina answered surprised.

“Then this is for you. I kept it apart, seeing this is your first mail since you’re here,” he said, handing her a white envelope.

“Uh, thank you,” she said, flabbergasted.

Sergeant Hudson nodded and opened the door to the barracks. Jennifer looked at Regina with a big smile and expectant glance.

“You think it’s from your sister?” she asked excitedly.

“Maybe.”

Regina felt her heart sped up, what if Zelena had found a way to write her? She turned the envelope and frowned as she saw the address.

“What is it?” Jennifer asked, seeing the frown on Regina’s face.

“The return address is in Boston. I don’t know anyone in Boston,” she said.

“Well, open it,” Jennifer urged.

Regina ripped the envelope open and pulled out the letter. Her frown only deepened as her eyes flew over the sentences, who the hell was Emma Swan?


	2. Emma

_ 6 September 1999, Boston _  
_Excitedly Ruby and I stand before the campus of the University of Boston. We both would start here, getting a degree in Biology to ultimately become a Zookeeper. It had been our dream ever since Granny had taken us to the zoo when we were kids. So now we’re here to pursue our dream. Granny had dropped us of at the campus, along with all of our stuff._

_Ruby and I have known each other since kinder garden. Ruby lived with her grandmother who owned Granny’s dinner and I lived in the group home across the street. Even though I went from foster family to foster family, Ruby and I had stayed in touch. The past five or six years I’ve been living in the group home, because I was too difficult to be placed in a family. That was a load of crap, but hey, at the group home you got decent food and they didn’t beat you up as much as in a foster family. I’ve had a few good families, but I always got kicked out if they got a kid of their own or when I fucked up._

_“Em! Come on!” Ruby calls, pulling me out of my thoughts._

_Group homes and foster families were a closed chapter, because I had turned 18 last summer. I follow Ruby with my backpack and one suitcase. All my belongings fitted in two bags. It’s quite sad if you think about it, which I didn’t do too much. Ruby is the first to reach our dorm room and opens the door. The room is empty except for two beds, one desk and two closets._

_“Looks like we have to share the desk,” Ruby points._

_“I think you’ll be doing more homework then me,” I joke as I put down my suitcase._

_Ruby looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “You know what the deal is, right? Granny pays, if we both graduate,” she warns._

_“Calm your tits, I know. And I’m forever grateful, but nonetheless I’m going job hunting,” I say as I plop on one of the beds._

_“Why?” Ruby asks as she starts to unpack one of her suitcases._

_“Because I don’t like being in debt,” I answer as I follow her example._

_“You’re not in debt, Em. She’s giving it to you.”_

_“I know, but still. Just let me do this, okay?”_

_“Fine. But I don’t think she’ll accept it,” Ruby warns me._

_“We’ll see.”_

_The rest of the day we’re busy with unpacking and arranging our room. At the end of the day it’s a really cozy room. Exhausted I plop down on my bed._

_“I’m not getting up for the rest of my life,” I declare._

_Ruby laughs and while I lay down I think this is going to be the best year of my life._

_How wrong could I be…_

8 August 2000, Boston  
(Day 1)  
Emma woke up sweaty and disoriented. She had no idea where she was and as she looked around she was sure she wasn’t in her own room. She stood up and saw she was wearing some sort of hospital gown. She spotted her clothes and quickly changed into her own clothes. They smelled terribly, but she didn’t care. She needed to get out here as soon as possible, she had things to do and people to see. When she was dressed, she spotted her white face and hollow eyes in the mirror. Her hands were shaking as she reached for the doorknob, a sign she needed to get some cocaine in her system to make it stop. Her thoughts were starting to scatter as well and she wanted to avoid getting sucked into a depressive hell hole. She pulled on the knob, but the door didn’t bulge. She pushed and turned the knob, but the door still didn’t bulge. She swore inwardly and bounced on the door with her fist.

“Hey, is anyone there?” she yelled, but no one answered. “Let me out! Hello!” she yelled harder. Still no answer.

She started shaking all over her body. She sat down on her bed again, she knew she had to get her fix soon. She recognized the signs, she was in withdrawal, which she really didn’t want. She had been in withdrawal before, when she had decided to stop on her own. It may be clear it hadn’t been a success. She wondered where she was and how in the hell she got here...

~~~  
_Earlier that night_  
_This night had been one for in the books. The atmosphere in the club had been magical and when I had left, it still was warm outside. I make my way back to campus, the cocaine in my system was still buzzing. This night was really amazing! The campus is still quiet when I arrive and I like it that way. Of course it’s nice and all when the campus is full of talking and laughing people, but walking here alone and in the dark has its own charm. I walk to my dorm, fumble a bit with my keys and open the door, expecting a quiet and dark room. The opposite however is true. The room is lit and Ruby, Granny, August and Belle, a girl Ruby is dating ever since we got here and whom I’ve formed a friendship with, are waiting for me._

_“What is this? An intervention?” I joke as I close the door behind me._

_“Actually it is,” Ruby says._

_I chuckle and throw my keys on the cupboard. “Yeah right.”_

_“Emma, we’re worried about you.” Granny joins in, standing up._

_“You don’t have to be. I appreciate it, but really, don’t. I’m fine,” I protest and smile friendly at her._

_She doesn’t reply the smile, she keeps looking at me worried and a tad disappointed. I frown and feel this is really serious. If Ruby even tracked down August, it must be. I look at him, he really doesn’t fit in the picture. He’s at least three years older than us and looks totally out of place in his leather jacket and a beard from at least a week old. August and I go back a while. We met at my fourth foster family, he was about to get out of the system. It was also thanks to him I was able to stay at that family as long as I did. After he left, we stayed in touch. But in this moment he also is looking serious at me, a look I haven’t seen on him before._

_“You’re not Em. You look like hell and you barely show up in class,” Belle speaks up._

_I groan, I really don’t need this. “Fine. I’ll quit. With doing coke, I mean,” I say as I see some startled faces._

_“You’ve tried that before, remember? How long did you last, a day?” Ruby interjected mockingly._

_“So? I’ll be stronger!”_

_“No, you won’t.”_

_August walks towards me and tries to lay his hands on my shoulders. He always did that when I was about to get in trouble. I fight him off this time and walk to my bed._

_“I will! I know I can do this!” I scream at them._

_“Em, if you keep going like this, I don’t know if I can keep hanging out with you. I don’t want to lose you, but…” Ruby’s voice breaks and for a moment I want to give in, because I don’t want to lose her either._

_But then I remember what they want from me. They want me to go to rehab and go through withdrawal again. Which will not happen, no way in hell._

_“Don’t you trust me?” I suddenly scream._

_“To be honest? No.”_

_The words hit home hard and I sink down on my bed. I feel the drugs are wearing off and I feel my heart rate pick up. Yay, side effects. Normally I would take another snort, but I can’t do that now. Miserable I look up, something I shouldn’t have done. Nausea overtakes me and before I know it, I’m throwing up. Ruby quickly hands me a bucket, but I can’t prevent that some of the vomit lands on the floor._

_“I can’t do this,” I moan._

_“Yes, you can and we’ll support you,” Ruby says as she rubs my back._

_“It’s so hard already. I need it, I need it to forget,” I try to explain._

_“I know, sweetie. It’ll be alright.”_

Apparently she had fallen asleep again. She finds herself shaking violently on her bed, fully clothed. She needs a minute to regain her conscious to realize where she is. Right, rehab. She had promised Ruby to get better, but she didn’t know if she could ever be better. Her entire body was screaming for the white powder. She was craving it so much it hurt. She felt a wave of nausea and violently she threw up in the bucket next to the bed. The door finally opened and a nurse came walking in.

“There, there. Better out than in,” she said.

Emma wanted to throw the bucket to her head, but she felt way too weak for that. Instead, she stared daggers at the woman, who seemed to ignore that completely. The nurse emptied the bucket and handed it back to Emma.

“Are you feeling better?” she asked friendly.

Emma sighed. “Not really. I feel really bad,” she finally admitted.

“It’ll get better, I promise. If you want something sedating, you can press this button,” she pointed at a button near the bed.

“Probably not coke, huh?” Emma asked, smiling weakly.

“No. But we are here to help. Try to get some rest, okay?”

Emma nodded and the nurse left. She laid back down again and thought back about the intervention. Eventually, Killian had driven them to the clinic, where she and Ruby had said goodbye. She really did this for Ruby, she knew she could stop anytime she wanted. If only that damn shaking would stop, she would feel a lot better. Exhausted she closed her eyes, her mind wandered to the moment she had first done cocaine...

_The club is buzzing with a mix of music and chatter. I look around from my comfortable place at the bar. I’m here almost every weekend and sometimes even during the week. You can say this is my home club. I grin as I see Neal approach. He props himself on the barstool next to mine and hands me a little plastic bag._

_“This is it?” I ask and I feel a bit nervous._

_“Yes. Relax, you’ll feel amazing,” Neal promises._

_He stands up from the barstool and grabs my arm. He escorts me to the bathroom and checks if the stalls are empty. They are and he takes the plastic bag. He shakes a bit of the white powder on the counter and divides it in four lines. He hands me a rolled up dollar and steps back. For a moment I stare at the powder, contemplating if I should do it or not. I had smoked some weed and taken XTC before, but this was something completely new. Of course I’ve heard about the risks, but still I’m curious if this really would be as amazing as Neal had said. I look up at Neal unsure and he nods at the powder._

_“Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you,” he says reassuring._

_I nod and snort the first line. The stuff stings in my nose and I back away. Neal looks at me grinning and takes the dollar. He snorts a line and hands the dollar back to me. I hesitate, but snort the second line as well. Again it stings and I think to myself that I’m not going to do this again, it hurts like hell. Neal snorts the last line and puts the dollar back in his pocket._

_“You okay there?” he asks._

_“Yeah. I don’t feel any different,” I complain._

_“Just wait for it. I’m going back, see you in a bit.”_

_Neal leaves the bathroom and I’m alone. I walk to the mirror and look at myself. Slowly but surely I feel the drugs kick in and I see my eyes glass over. I grin at myself, Neal’s right, this feels amazing! I walk out of the bathroom back into the club. The music hits my nerves ten times harder and I walk onto the dance floor. I let the beats take over and loose myself completely in the music…_

9 August 2000, Boston  
(Day 2)  
The sharp light woke Emma up, the curtains were drawn open. She squinted against the bright light and felt she was sweating again. For a moment she wondered if she was having a fever, then she realized she was in the middle of withdrawal. She sighed again and tried to get up, she needed a hot shower and a line of coke. As she walked towards the shower, she stripped down naked, leaving her clothes in a puddle on the floor. She turned on the shower and waited for it to get hot. Just as she wanted to get in the shower, there was a knock on the door. Emma groaned, turned off the shower, grabbed the bathrobe that was laying on the side table and stepped into the room.

“Yes?”

Her voice was hoarse, like she had been screaming all night or hadn’t talked in ages. The door opened and the same nurse from the day before entered.

“Hey, look at you up and about. I brought you some breakfast, if you’re hungry,” she said as she set the plate down on the desk.

Emma’s stomach rumbled at the thought of food and she realized she hadn’t eaten since the previous day. “Thank you.”

“So, how are you feeling?” the nurse asked.

“Still like shit. I hope a shower will help,” Emma replied, her hands were still shaking.

“Good thinking. I’m Nurse Keaton, by the way. Yesterday you weren’t that chatty,” she said as she introduced herself.

“Emma Swan, and I’m sorry. I… I’m not really at my best,” Emma admitted.

“That’s okay. Take your time. There is a group session this afternoon if you’re interested,” Nurse Keaton said as she walked to the door.

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll see.”

Nurse Keaton nodded and left Emma on her own. She contemplated if she would go shower first or eat something. She decided on the last and sat down. As she ate, she thought back at how it all went downhill…

_I stare blankly at the professor. I absolutely have no idea what he is talking about and to be honest, I don’t really care. Last night I hadn’t slept much due to withdrawal signs. I was up almost all night throwing up and feeling just plain miserable. I didn’t seem to be able to stop shaking and I even got to a point my legs were shaking uncontrollable. So no, I didn’t sleep much and now all I want to do is sleep. Finally we’re dismissed and slow I walk after Ruby and Belle, who are being clingy. I almost want to throw up at the sight of it. It’s not that I begrudge her, but somehow I’m jealous I think. We sit down at our usual spot to lunch and slowly I eat my lunch._

_“Em, are you feeling alright?” Belle suddenly asks._

_“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I ask and smile half-heartedly at her._

_“You don’t look to good,” she points out._

_“I didn’t sleep well,” I murmur and hope she’ll leave me be. Unfortunately, I have no such luck as Ruby decides to join the conversation._

_“I heard. You were sick?” she asks._

_“Yeah, no biggie. Probably ate something wrong,” I say, trying to keep it light._

_“You sure that’s it?” she asks further._

_“Yes,” I answer curtly, I’m growing tired of this interrogation._

_“Okay, if you say so.”_

_I groan and stand up. “I see you in class,” I say and walk away._

_I end up in an empty bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I don’t look to good indeed, my skin is white and my eyes are mat. That’s nothing compared to what goes in my head. It looks like I have a free account on the movies. No fun movies I can tell you, more like movies about my messed up life. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to ban out all of those horrible images. It backfires however and I see the images more clear than ever. A scary looking man in the corner of my dark room, who creeps up on me, interspersed with a woman with a bottle in a brown bag yelling at me. I claw at my head, I need to stop these images. I open my eyes again and I know there’s only one thing that will help. As if it has its own will, my hand moves to my back pocket to grab a small plastic bag. I stare at it for a while and as if waking up from a daze, I handle quick. I shake the entire content out on the counter and snort line after line until there are only a few crumbs left. I wet my finger and pick up the crumbs. I sweep my finger across my teeth and pick up my bag. As a new woman I walk out of the bathroom…_

The shower had helped and now she didn’t know what to do. This time she had changed into the pajama that had been in the side table as well. They really felt comfortable, Emma mused as she looked out of the window. She looked out over a garden and saw a few people were taking a stroll. All of a sudden she felt the urge to go outside, feel the wind through her hair and the sun on her skin. She doubted if they let her go at this stage, although she was here on a voluntary base, she wasn’t planning on giving up. She sighed and sat back down on the bed. Her hands were still shaking and she felt lightly nauseous after that breakfast. She thought about the invitation to go to this group session, but she dismissed it fast. She felt way too tired and besides that, she didn’t need therapy. But she was at a loss of what she would do then. They had confiscated her phone, so she couldn’t sent Ruby a text or surf the net. She groaned and laid back down. There was another knock on the door and Emma sat up.

“Yes?”

The door opened and a man stepped in. He was wearing round glasses, he had reddish hair and he wore a tweed jacket over an ugly looking vest and a pair of black trousers. Emma seized him up and wondered who this might be.

“I heard from Nurse Keaton you were up, so I thought I’d come and introduce myself. I’m Archie Hopper and I work here as a psychiatrist,” he said as he extended his hand toward her.

“Emma Swan,” she replied, ignoring the hand.

“Nice to meet you. How are you feeling?” he asked.

Emma shrugged. “I have been better,” she settled on.

Archie nodded and sat down in the only chair in the room. “Are you planning on joining the group session this afternoon?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t need therapy,” Emma said suddenly defensive.

“I didn’t say you needed it, but it might help you through your withdrawal,” Archie offered.

Emma shrugged again. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Okay. I hope I see you this afternoon.” Archie stood up and walked to the door. “Take your time, Emma,” he said before he left the room.

Emma let herself fall back onto the bed. Time. She had plenty of that…

 _I feel so much better now. The voices in my head are quiet and I finally can concentrate on class. The professor speaks this lessons about the big cats in a zoo, which somehow fascinates me. I’ve never really thought about what kind of animals I like to work with, but these big cats attract me. I try to make as many notes as I can, I want to ace this class and I know I can if I devote myself to it. I smirk at the thought what that white powder can do to my brain. Ruby pokes me suddenly and hands me a handkerchief. I frown and accept it. She points at her nose and mimics the words ‘You’re bleeding.’ My hand shoots up to my nose and it feels wet and warm. As I press the handkerchief against my nose, I see a few blood drops on my paper. Great, a bloody nose. I press my hand tighter against my nose, hoping it will stop soon._  
_Class is soon after dismissed and to my joy my bloody nose stopped running. Ruby catches up with me._

_“Are you okay?” she asks worried._

_“Yeah, it was just a bloody nose. Happens to everyone,” I answer dismissively._

_“Okay. You look better too,” Ruby notices._

_“I feel better. Hey, I think I know what kind of animals I like to work with,” I say excitedly._

_“What kind?”_

_“Big cats,” I grin._

_Ruby smirks and nods. “Yeah, that suits you.”_

10 August 2000, Boston  
(Day 3)  
Emma can’t sleep. She’s tossing and turning and as a result, she’s hot and sweaty now. She decided to get up and grabbed her bathrobe. She paced her room up and down and decided that she’s going to walk up and down the hallway. It’s day three of her admittance and she does feel better physically. Mentally however, it’s a completely different story. The drugs are almost completely out of her system and this afternoon she even went to a group session. They all had greeted her warmly and although she hadn’t said much, Archie was happy she had joined.  
But now she had way too much energy left from the day and her mind didn’t quiet down, which didn’t do much good for her insomnia. So now she’s walking in a random direction through the rehab facility. She had to admit, Ruby had chosen a good one. Speaking about Ruby, she hadn’t heard anything from her ever since she checked in here. Perhaps she should call her or something to tell her she’s doing better. She comes across the recreation room and decided to go in. Her eye fell on the computer, she shrugged and sat behind it. She had nothing better to do. She fired the computer up and waited for it to be boot up. She opened google and checked her mail. There was a lot of spam and a few mails from people she went to school with. Some of them she replied to and after she was done with scrolling through her mail, she was bored again and not sleepy at all. Stupid insomnia, she swore. She opened google and typed ‘What to do…’ A list of suggestions appeared.

 _»What to do when bored«_  
_»What to do in London«_  
_»What to do when you can’t sleep«_  
_»What to do to write a soldier«_

Emma frowned at the last one and curiously clicked it. Numerous sites appeared and she selected a random one. The site gave a brief introduction about the cause of the site, namely forgotten soldiers. At the end of the introduction she got asked to sign up and wait for the name of the soldier and way of contact. Emma shrugged, she didn’t have anything better to do and maybe it would help this soldier. She filled in all the necessary fields and clicked sent. Without another thought she surfed a bit on the net, played same games and before she shut down the computer she checked her mail again. She already had new mail and she thought it was spam again. That was until she looked better. It was a mail from the site she had signed up at. She opened the mail and read the content.

_Hello Emma Swan,_

_Thank you for joining our cause at soldierspen-pals.com! We’re glad to welcome you into our family._  
_We already have you linked with a soldier. You’ll find information about your soldier below:_

 _Fox Company_  
_Recruit Regina Mills_  
_Fox 2nd RTBN Platoon 5_  
_Box 16235_  
_Parris Island SC 29905-6235_

_Please contact your soldier ASAP, so that he/she knows they have YOU as a supporter. A weekly letter speaks loudly to the soldier as well as those e-mails and items you might send._

_Remember: The soldier's first priority is serving the country and not to be a pen-pal. They will respond if and when they can. You can be sure they are receiving what you send, but many do not have free time or any days off for extended periods of time._  
_Service men and women tell us there is nothing like receiving something in the mail after coming back to their base. Take heart knowing you have put a smile on their face that day…and they will remember you for years to come._

_Have fun writing!_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Hanna Jenkins_

Emma read the mail twice to be sure she hadn’t missed anything. She wrote down the address of this recruit and shut down the computer, seeing as it was almost two a.m. She turned off the light and walked as soft as she could to her room. Quickly she changed into her pajama and slipped under the covers. Excitedly she studied the piece of paper with the address, she wondered if this Regina would write back. As she turned over to fall asleep, she already thought of what she would write…


	3. Regina

Week 5  
15 August 2000, Parris Island

_11 August 2000, Boston_

_Hello recruit Mills, (I’m not sure if you’re okay with me using your first name, so…)_

_My name is Emma Swan and I got your contact information from soldierspen-pals.com. I hope you don’t think I’m intruding._

_At the moment I’m in rehab. I hope that didn’t scare you off, but I understand if you do. I’m a recovering cocaine addict and I’ve been here for three days. Let me tell you it have been the three hardest days of my life, but I do feel better now. The shaking has stopped, hence why I’m able to write this letter._

_Okay, enough self-pity. I do want to become someone in life. Before I got addicted I was in college, first year Biology. I want to become a Zookeeper. It had been a dream of me ever since I went to the zoo when I was seven or something._

_Looking at your title, you’re a recruit? Are you in the army, or another part of the military? I don’t know much about the war to be honest, or about being a soldier. Is it hard? Do you miss your family? Why did you join?_

_Sorry, some of those question might be a bit too personal. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to._

_Okay, that’s it from now. Good luck with your training!_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Emma Swan_

Regina had read the letter at least five times. Why would this woman be writing her and why was she on this website? She sighed and saw all the other girls were still sleeping. She glanced at her clock and saw it was only five thirty. She had been awake since four and knew it wouldn’t do her much good if she went back to sleep now. She stood up and changed quickly into her jogging clothes to go for a run. In the dark she left the barrack and started running towards the woods. She had mapped out a fairly big route through the woods and every morning she ran it a tad bit faster than the previous day. She had made it a habit to go run before breakfast, she needed the alone time. They were living with at least thirty girls in one barrack, so there was no privacy at all. While she turned the corner into the woods, her mind went back to the letter she had received. The woman, Emma, had made her curious. She found it brave of the woman to admit at the start of the letter she was addicted and the choice of line of work was interesting as well. It seemed like this Emma had her future all figured out and yet she was in rehab. What went wrong? Regina shook her head, she had no right to be curious about these things, as she didn’t even know this woman. Half way her route she stopped at the lake and looked over it. She was barely out of breath. Out of her pocket she pulled a hair tie and tied her hair in a tight ponytail. She had a slight idea about who had put her name up on the idea and she didn’t care he was in a higher rank then her, she would tell him her piece of mind. With that decision on her mind, she finished her route and walked straight to the officers barrack. Before she knocked, she calmed her breathing and waited for answer.

“Come in.”

Regina stepped into the barrack, which looked nicer then the barrack she stayed in. There were only ten beds and enough space for large wooden desks. DI Jackson was behind one of those desks, a little light was on. He looked up as Regina entered and stood at attention.

“At ease. What can I do for you, recruit Mills?” he asked, his voice softer then she had ever heard.

“I received this letter, sir.”

She handed him the letter and Ben looked at it briefly. “So?”

“I don’t know this person. She said she got my contact information from this site,” Regina continued, not wanting to imply something.

“Already? That was soon,” Ben commented softly and handed the letter back.

“Sir?”

Ben sighed and stood up. “Recruit Mills, Regina, I noticed you didn’t receive any mail in the time you’ve been here. There’s probably a reason for it, but you won’t cut it out there without any contact to the real world,” he said softly.

Regina looked down, she felt she was blushing. “Sir, I’m tough. I will cut it,” she said, raising her head again.

“Yes, you are. But contact with the outside world will keep you sane.” Ben turned and sat back down. “I suggest you start writing back,” he said, pointing at the letter.

“Yes, sir.”

“Dismissed.”

Regina turned on her heels and fled out of the barrack. She closed the door behind her and leaned against the clammy wood. So not only Jennifer had noticed, but her DI’s as well. She felt tears prick behind her eyes, she really did miss her sister. The doors of the barracks opened and women came walking out chatting and laughing. She drew a shuddering breath and swallowed away the lump. She walked to her barrack and quickly changed into her uniform…

Week 7  
30 August 2000, Parris Island  
“Are you going to let that girl write to you ‘til eternity?” Jennifer asked as they made their way to grass field were the shooting range was.

Regina immediately knew what Jennifer meant. She had told her about her conversation with DI Jackson and that she should write back.

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“That’s not fair to her and you know that.”

“I didn’t make her write me,” Regina replied stubbornly.

“Come on, give it a try. There are no strings attached,” Jennifer reminded her. “Maybe it will cheer her up. I can’t imagine rehab as being such a fun place,” she added.

“What would I write to her? We have nothing in common,” Regina answered.

“You don’t know until you try. Just write about life here. It’s what’s she wants to know, right?” Jennifer suggested as she picked up her M16.

Regina grabbed hers as well and readied it within seconds.

“You got to teach me how you do that so fast without even looking,” Jennifer said as she struggled a bit with hers.

“Just don’t hesitate and trust your skills,” Regina replied, putting on her protective goggles.

Jennifer just sent her a glare with one raised eyebrow and followed her friend to an empty spot in the line. “We’re not done talking about you writing Emma back,” she whispered, just before DI Jackson started barking his orders.

~~~

When they came back from their daily training, the mail was already waiting. Uninterested Regina plopped on her bed and grabbed the book she was currently reading from the nightstand. Jennifer came back with a few envelopes in her hand. One of them she handed to Regina. Regina looked up confused. “What?”

“This one has your name on it. I think it’s from Emma,” she said suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows.

Sighing Regina grabbed the envelope and stared at the letter. The handwriting was the same, so was the returning address. She ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter.

 _25 august 2000, Boston_  
_Hi recruit Mills, (still not sure about using your first name)_

_The mail recommended me writing you a letter every week, so sorry I missed a week._

_It’s kinda been a crazy week over here. One of the other patients OD’ed over the weekend and he is still in the hospital. The doctors don’t know if he will wake up. I didn’t know him, he was in another group, but it was still hard to hear about it. It could have been me, you know?_

_But I figure you were busy as well, seeing you haven’t written back. Not that I blame you, on the contrary! Somehow it helps me to write you, it gives me a purpose for even a day and I hope you find comfort in someone who is thinking about you…_

_I’ve got to go now, my private therapy session is about to start. It’s going to be my first one, I’m a bit nervous to be honest._

_Take care over there and I hope your training is going well._

_Bye,_

_Emma Swan_

Reading the letter did make Regina feel a bit better. This woman is giving her an insight in her life and doesn’t blame her for not writing back. Regina does feel a bit guilty, but not enough to really write back. If this woman wants to keep writing, that’s fine. Eventually she will stop writing as she picks up her life again, right?

“Was it Emma?” Jennifer asked.

“Yes,” Regina replied and folded the letter to put it back in the envelope.

“You’re still not writing back, are you?” Jennifer inquired.

“Nope. I don’t need her,” Regina said and picked up her book to continue reading.

Jennifer shook her head, Regina must be one of the most headstrong people she ever met. Regina pretended to be reading, but her mind wandered back to Emma. There was something about this woman. She acted as if rehab is nothing, but between the lines Regina noticed it was hard for her. Her point was proven when Emma wrote about that other patient and that she had realized that it could have been her. Regina sighed, maybe she should write the woman back just once to support her. But then again she was afraid that this woman would keep writing and that’s something she didn’t want. It kept her busy well after curfew, she didn’t seem to be able to fall asleep. After what felt like hours of tossing and turning, finally she drifted off to a restless sleep…

Week 9  
12 September 2000, Parris Island  
They’re group had grown smaller and smaller over the weeks. There were only twenty girls left of the fifty they began with. Regina was proud to be one of the twenty and was proud of Jennifer who had made it as well. She had been on the verge of quitting last week during Firing Week, but Regina had convinced her to stay. So now they were standing before an obstacle course.

“Yesterday you had to take the obstacle course on your own. Now you’re going to work as a team,” DI Jackson explained.

Without further due they split into four groups of five. Regina was in a group with Jennifer, Hannah, Diane and Hazel. These four girls were the girls she hesitantly called friends. Especially Jennifer she had grown fond of, due to the persistency of the girl. In the beginning Regina thought of her as a puppy that followed her everywhere, but she had started to like Jennifer and even confided in her some of her thoughts.

“Let’s do this girls,” Hazel said.

They stormed the obstacle course, in full gear. They would be in full gear when in a warzone, so they had to train with them as well. Regina hoisted her MI16 on to her shoulder, since this week it was loaded. They went through the course accompanied by the screams of their DI’s. Some of them were praises, some of them were not. Quite satisfied Regina finished the course first, gasping for air.

“You were flying!” Hannah exclaimed as she finished after Regina.

“Thanks. You weren’t so bad yourself.”

Hannah grinned and they encouraged their other team mates. Soon everyone had finished the course and stood at attention. DI Jackson and Miller came walking their way.

“Some of you don’t seem to know what teamwork is! Let’s do it again, ladies!”

“Sir, yes sir!” sounded over the field and all of them ran back to the start.

Regina groaned, she didn’t fancy going again, but she fancied sent to the pit even less. Again they stormed the course, going as fast as they could. Regina gave Jennifer a push over the wall and she felt the girl’s legs shake.

“Don’t give up, you can do this!” she yelled up at the girl.

Jennifer just nodded and wrestled herself over the wall. Regina took a running start and climbed up the wall. Jennifer and Diane stretched out their arms for Regina to grab and pulled her up the wall.

“Up to the next,” she grinned, she really felt on fire.

Again, they finished first, but this time as a team. The other teams finished soon after and finally the DI’s were satisfied and sent them on their way. Regina glanced at her watch, they were just in time for dinner.

“Come on, we can make it to dinner if we hurry,” she urged the other girls.

They jogged to the mess hall and picked up their food. Regina noticed Jennifer was quiet this afternoon and she wondered what was wrong.

“Jen, are you alright?” she asked.

The girl just shrugged and didn’t answer straight away. “Not really, but not here, okay?” she said.

Regina nodded understanding and ate her dinner in silence. She listened to the chatter around her and smiled at some of the jokes. She did peak now and then at Jennifer, she looked pale and tired. Now she came to think about it, she had heard the girl toss and turn in her bed last night. Jennifer finished her dinner early, half of her plate was left as she stood up with her tray and left the barrack. Regina quickly finished her dinner and ran after Jennifer. Half way to the barrack she caught up with Jennifer and stopped her.

“What’s going on?” she asked worried.

Jennifer sighed and fidgeted with her hands. “I don’t feel so good,” she said with a small voice.

“What do you mean? Are you having the flu?” Regina asked.

“I don’t think so. It doesn’t feel like it. I think it’s more serious. I feel so tired and today during training I felt like passing out. And then there’s this cough I can’t get rid of,” she finally said.

“That does sound serious. Maybe you should see a doctor,” Regina suggested, now she was really worried.

“But what if it is serious? I don’t want to get kicked out,” Jennifer said with a small voice.

Regina wrapped her arm around the smaller girl’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “It will be alright. Maybe you’re just overworked,” she said.

“I hope so.”

“You want me to come with you?” Regina asked.

“No. I’ll be fine,” Jennifer smiled bravely.

Regina nodded and together they walked back to their barrack, their curfew was almost due. Regina was glad for it, she was damn tired.

(Week 11)  
25 September 2000  
It was very early in the morning, Ben and Gregory were getting ready to get their group up early for the Crucible Week. This week existed out of 54 continuous hours filled with tests, varying from boxing to obstacle courses. During these 54 hours the recruits will hardly sleep or eat, testing their endurance.

“Greg, you’re supervising the mail, right?” Ben suddenly asked.

“Yes, have been for the past year,” he joked.

“Have you found any outgoing mail from recruit Mills?” Ben asked further, ignoring the smart reply of the younger officer.

“No. She does receive mail, but never replies,” Gregory answered, frowning now as he thinks about it.

“She’s stubborn,” Ben murmured and adjusted his jacket. “Ready?”

“Hell yeah!”

~~~

At first Regina doesn’t realize what’s going on as the lights are turned on and the DI’s are screaming instructions at them. With a sleep fogged head she stood next to her bed, not really comprehending what they want from them in the middle of the night.

“Come on ladies. Action! The Crucible Week is upon you!”

Finally, Regina woke up and quickly she changed in her uniform. For a moment she looked at the empty bed next to hers. Jennifer had went to the infirmary two days ago and hadn’t returned yet. Regina frowned, she hadn’t thought much about it last night. She thought the doctor wanted to observe her, but apparently she hadn’t been cleared for this last week. This did worry Regina and she promised herself to go to Jennifer after they had finished this week. Just before Regina marched after the rest, she grabbed the letter with her that had arrived yesterday. Emma had written her, but she hadn’t had the time to read the letter. Maybe there would be a bit of space during this last week, but she doubted it. Nonetheless she grabbed it with her and marched out of the barrack, in full gear and a heavy backpack.

They stood at attention as DI Jackson explained what this last test was about. They would be subjected to various tests during three days straight. Regina swallowed, she had read about this week, but hadn’t realized how hard it would be.

The first day was filled with boxing and martial arts. The first night was a dropping in the middle of the woods. Regina hadn’t had a hard time finding her way back, seeing she had run through this woods for 10 weeks. She had let her platoon back in a record time and even DI Jackson had complemented them. The half of the second day was filled with a pretty hard obstacle course and they were forced to work as a team. At the end of the course they all stood dirty and tired before the DI’s.

“I bet you want a good hot shower,” DI Jackson asked.

“Sir, yes sir!”

“And a warm bed?”

“Sir, yes sir!”

“A hot meal?”

“Sir, yes sir!”

“Well, though luck ladies! You’re about to get your last mission and you better complete this!” he yelled.

“Yes sir!”

“For this last mission you have three hours to accomplish. You have to secure a hut under enemy fire. In this hut you’ll find the equipment to make and find food. Good luck!”

They were all loaded into the back of truck to be brought to their location. Regina searched the faces, but she didn’t find Jennifer, meaning the girl really wasn’t cleared for duty. It made Regina worry more than she ever thought, she had started to care about Jennifer. After a pretty long drive, the truck stopped and they found themselves on a deserted beach. Silently they communicated through hand signals and after a short look on the map, they were on their way. The following hours Regina’s mind was occupied as they made their way to the hut. About half a mile from the hut they almost ran into an ambush, Diane was the first one to recognize it. They took a detour and disabled the enemy by attacking from the other side. Just within the three hours they had secured the hut and Regina and Hannah entered first to check for safety. The hut appeared to be empty, except for a large box. Regina opened it and found fishing rods, some firewood and canned food.

“I think this is all we’re going to get,” she said to Hannah.

“Great. Let’s tell the others.”

Regina nodded and they went back outside. Quickly they told what they found. No one complained and the tasks were quickly divided. Hannah would go out with a few to go fishing, Regina would take care of the fire and heating some of the canned food and the rest would keep watch. Regina carried the fire out of the hut and build the wood up into some sort of tipi like shape she had learned. Soon enough the fire was blazing. Yngrid came out with a tin of maize and a can to hang above the fire.

“Where’s Jennifer?” she asked Regina suddenly as they prepared to food. “I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“In the infirmary. I’m not sure what’s going on with her,” Regina replied.

“That sucks, getting sick in the last week,” Yngrid said as she placed the can above the fire.

“Yeah. I hope she gets to graduate.”

Yngrid nodded and the silence fell between them again. Regina looked up, the evening sun stood high in the sky and she wondered what her mother would think if she saw her like this. Internally, she shook her head, she hadn’t thought about her mother ever since she’s been here. It was weird to be thinking about her, she was in a completely different world now.

“We caught some fish!” Hannah said smiling as she held up four fish.

“Nice. Let’s get them on the fire!”

Soon enough diner was ready and they huddled around the fire, except for the five who were on watch. Regina had brought them a plate so they could eat as well. The atmosphere in the group was relaxed and Regina almost forgot they were in the midst of the hardest test of them all. A military 4x4 approached them and DI’s Jackson and Miller stepped out.

“That smells delicious, ladies. Unfortunately, the enemy is afoot. Try not to get caught while you find your way back to camp,” DI Miller informed them.

Gunshots were heard in the distance and Diane came running back from watch. “We got to go, now!” she yelled.

They all abandoned the food and Regina quickly put out the fire. As quick as they could they divided the canned food over the backpacks and with their rifles at the ready, they left the hut. DI’s Jackson and Miller looked after them before stepping back into the 4x4 and driving off.

Regina was panting in the bushes. The enemy had caught up with them and they were in the midst of a shootout. Regina thought she had hit a few and was now hiding in the bushes to avoid getting shot. Slowly the firing stopped and Hannah appeared next to her.

“We’re clear for now. We’re not stopping for rest, but going straight to camp,” she told the brunette.

“Copy that.”

They stepped from behind the bushes and in formation they slowly made their way to camp. Without much trouble, they arrived at camp at the beginning of the next morning. As Regina checked the map, she saw they had taken quite a detour. She didn’t care, they had made it back safely. DI Jackson was waiting for them in front of the barracks. He seized them up and Regina thought she saw pride shining in his eyes.

“Congratulations ladies. You made it through Recruitment Training,” he said.

A loud cheering filled the air, Regina was cheering along. She felt relieved and proud she made it. She looked beside her and felt a pang of disappointment as she didn’t find Jennifer next to her. She looked around as her platoon was celebrating. Regina stepped forward towards DI Jackson.

“Sir?” she asked.

“Go ahead, recruit,” he said.

“What about recruit McHale?” she asked.

“Recruit McHale is still in the infirmary. She’s been asking for you,” he said, his voice suddenly soft.

“Do I have permission, sir?” she asked to be sure.

“Yes. And Mills?” Regina turned to face him. “Congratulations,” he added.

“Thank you sir.”

Quickly Regina made her way to the other side of the campus were the infirmary was stationed. She entered the building and asked for Jennifer. A nurse pointed her to the right room and Regina left her backpack and gear in the hallway next to the room. She entered the room softly and saw Jennifer laying in a bed next to the window. She was alone in the room, the other beds were unoccupied. Regina walked over to the bed and Jennifer turned her head at the sound of the footsteps. She smiled weakly as she saw Regina.

“You look like hell,” was the first thing she said.

“Gee, thanks,” Regina smirked and sat down.

She eyed the IV drip and saw Jennifer was even paler then before. “You don’t look to good either,” she remarked.

Again Jennifer smiled weakly. “I know, I don’t feel too good actually.”

“So, what’s wrong?” Regina asked.

“The doctor diagnosed me with ammonia,” she said. “But because I kept going, it turned into a double one and now I have to rest.”

“But will you be able to graduate?” Regina asked.

“Not right now, probably next rotation,” Jennifer said.

“Good. The Marine is lucky to have you.”

They chatted until a nurse came in telling them visiting hour was over and Regina promised to visit Jennifer soon.

Week 12  
2 October 2000, Parris Island

 _26 September 2000, Boston_  
_Hello recruit Mills,_

_Yes, I’m still at rehab, and I think I’m going to be here for a while. My therapist asked me today how I see my future and I really do want to try to return to college to continue my study, but I think they’ll set me back a semester and maybe even a year. I don’t care, I want to do this. Sober._

_How is your training going? How long is this training anyway? I hope you are doing well._

_I’ve got to go now._

_Take care._

_Emma Swan._

Regina frowned at the short letter, it looked like the girl wasn’t doing so well. She thought it was brave she wanted to finish her college, but she doubted she would succeed without anyone supporting her. Regina had to admit she had become more curious about the other woman the more letters she had received. She was about to pick up her note book to start writing as the door of the barrack opened. It was Jennifer, who was allowed to attend the ceremony.

“Regina, come on. They are about to start!”

Regina laid down the note book and followed Jennifer outside. It was busy on the court, seeing as the previous day had been Family Day. Regina had hoped for her mother and sister to show up, but unfortunately they hadn’t. The day went sooner than Regina would have thought and at the end of the ceremony she was Private Mills. She would be sent to Camp Geiger to start at her MOS* school.

That evening she stood next to the bus, her backpack on her feet and saying goodbye to Jennifer.

“Go and impress the socks of them here, okay?” Regina asked.

“I will. Go be great out there, okay?” Jennifer asked back.

Regina only nodded and hugged the girl she had grown to care for.

“Write me okay and let me know what you’re going to do,” Regina asked before she stepped onto the bus.

“I will. Be careful!”

“Always.”

Regina stepped onto the bus and as the bus pulled up, she waved at Jennifer. As soon as they had left the camp at Parris Island, she pulled out her note book and started writing.

2 October, Parris Island.

Dear miss Swan,

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *MOS: military occupational specialty code


	4. Emma

17 August, Boston

(Day 9)

Emma sat in her chair in group counseling. She had been here exactly a week and thought she had had the hardest part of rehab, namely the withdrawal. She however, was wrong. The thirst for coke was so strong, she barely was able to withstand it. It did help she wasn’t the only one here struggling. Her group existed out of seven other people, all struggling with some kind of addiction. To her right sat Leroy, he was an alcoholic. Next to him sat Harold, battling addiction to heroin. Then there was Lindsey, she was also an alcoholic. George was the next, addicted to painkillers. Next to him sat Youri, he was addicted to coke as well. A nervous looking man sat next to Youri, his name was Alex. He was addicted to meth. And on the other side of Emma sat a new girl, she looked miserable. Emma suspected she hadn’t been here long as she hadn’t seen her before. Archie Hopper entered the room, he led this group.

“Good morning everyone. We’re welcoming a new member today. Do you want to introduce yourself and tell us why you are here?” he asked the girl next to Emma.

The girl stood up and looked around nervously. “My name is Lily Page and I’m here because I’m addicted to cocaine,” she said with a soft voice.

“Hello Lily,” everyone greeted her.

The girl sat back down and looked at her hands. Emma saw her hands were slightly shaking and she felt compassion for the girl. She had been shaking like that days ago and knew the worst was yet to come for the girl. She averted her eyes from Lily as Archie started to speak.

“Alright. I’d like to talk with you about why you used or drank. Harold, would you like to start?” he asked.

Emma tensed up, she wasn’t prepared for this subject. Harold stood up, stroking his hands against the sides of his legs. “Uh, I started using heroin because that’s what everyone else did. It also helped me to create art, until it didn’t. By that time I was addicted and couldn’t stop. I started selling my art to get a score and when I ran out of my art, I started selling other stuff like furniture. I was about to sell the house, but the woman I was with at the moment stopped me. She sent me here and broke up at the same time. Ever since I would kill to get another fix.”

“That’s quite enough Harold. We’ll talk about why you want another fix during our private sessions, okay?" Archie interrupted him.

Harold nodded. “Okay, doc.”

He sat down. Archie looked around the circle and his eyes fell on Emma, who looked like she could run out of the room at any given moment. “Emma, would you like to share?” he asked politely.

“Not really,” Emma murmured and stayed put.

“Harold told his story bravely, Emma,” Archie pushed just a little harder.

“Maybe I’m not brave, but just stupid,” Emma commented and shrunk back in her chair.

“Okay. Maybe in our private sessions.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Archie pointed his attention toward Youri, who stood up. He had been here the longest and was almost discharged. They all were here on voluntary base, but once you’re in, you can’t just leave. You have to prove you’re ready to face the big, scary world. Youri had almost reached that point, he could tell why he used with ease.

“I started using cocaine when I lived on the streets in Poland. It was cheap at the moment, cheaper then heroin and it did the exact same thing. So when I found the possibility to come to America, I hoped live would get better. I tried to stop, find work and a home. But time after time I got rejected. I squatted with a group of sinister people and started using again to forget. After I almost OD’ed, I decided to come clean properly. I’ve reached the end of this program, I only have one session left with Archie and then I’m off. I would like to thank everyone for their support and I would like to tell you all to keep going and don’t give up. It will get better. I’ll be honest, the thirst will stay, but you’ll be able to handle it. And I hope someday the thirst will disappear,” Youri ended his little speech.

Everyone applauded and some stood up to shake Youri’s hand. Emma wanted to shake his hand as well, but Youri engulfed her in a bear hug.

“Don’t give up, Em,” he whispered.

They had formed a bond while she was here and she was fond of him. She was glad for him to be ready to go back, but she was sad to see him go. She hugged him tightly.

“Good luck out there,” she said. “Write me,” she ordered him as she let him go.

“I will. Take care.”

Emma nodded and walked off, back to her room. She was tired from the session and laid down. As she was about to drift off to sleep, her mind went back in time…

_4 July 2000, Boston_

_The parties on the Fourth of July have always been fun, but with coke in my system it only gets better. We had been partying all day in the streets of Boston and now me, Neal and some other friends, we are laying in the grass in the park. The fireworks would start soon and we had the best places. I’m about to snort another line as my eye falls on the couple before me. I squint, I know that tall brunette. Suddenly I remember and I jump up. I hear Neal yell after me, but I ignore him. I jump in between the two people._

_“Just the two people I wanted to see!” I say excited._

_“Em? What are you doing here?” I hear Ruby say._

_“Celebrating of course!” I say cheerful. “Hello Belle, good to see you!”_

_“Are.. you okay?” Belle asks frowning._

_“Yeah, I feel great!”_

_I smile widely at them and sit content between them. I look up at the sky to see if the fireworks are starting yet, but apparently it’s a bit too soon._

_“Em, are you stoned?” I hear Ruby ask._

_“Stoned? Nope! I am, however, high as a kite!”_

_I burst out giggling, but Ruby and Belle aren’t laughing along. I don’t really care though, as long as I’m happy, right?_

_“Em, come on!” Neal calls after me and I look up._

_“I’ve got to dash. Have fun!”_

_I jump back up and run towards Neal. I tackle him to the ground and we both burst out laughing. O, I wish I could feel like this forever. I have the best friends in the world and I love my life!_

~~~

20 August, Boston

(Day 12)

Emma walked through the halls of the rehab facility. It was well after midnight, but she hadn’t been able to get any sleep. So now she was roaming the halls, hoping it would tire her out. She felt like she had too much energy left from the day. And the news about Eric, one of the other patients, wasn’t helping either. He had been on leave for the weekend and OD’ed. He was in the hospital now and the doctors weren’t sure if he would recover.  Emma sighed, if everything had worked out, she would be busy with school and maybe even an internship at a zoo. Yesterday she had received a letter from the Boston University. She hadn’t dared to open the letter yet. If she would open it, it would be true and she could say goodbye to her dream forever. She however had the letter in the pocket of her bathrobe, but she didn’t know why. She reached the recreation room and saw a light burning. Curious she entered the room and saw Lily standing in front of the window. She cleared her throat to not startle the girl, but she did nonetheless. Lily turned around with big eyes, but relaxed immediately as she saw it was Emma.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Emma asked and Lily shook her head. “Me neither.”

“Can’t sleep ever since I’ve been here,” Lily admitted.

“I’m sorry. Have you told Archie?” Emma asked as sat down in one of the lounge chairs.

“Not yet. Maybe I should.”

Lily sat down as well and Emma saw the girl looked like a ghost. Her skin was as white as snow, black bags under her eyes and her eyes were mat.

“Yeah maybe.”

Both of them fell into a comfortable silence. Without thinking Emma pulled the letter from her pocket and played with it.

“What’s that?” Lily asked.

Emma looked down and saw she was holding the letter. She sighed as she putted it away.

“It’s a letter from my school,” she said.

“Why haven’t you opened it yet?” Lily asked.

“Because… because it’s a letter that tells me I’m kicked out of college,” Emma replied with a sigh.

“How do you know if you haven’t opened it?” Lily asked smartly.

Emma looked up and grimaced. “Because I fucked up. I broke all the rules. I’m so far behind on my points, I’m not able to catch up this semester.”

“I’m sorry. What were you studying?”

“Biology. I want to become a Zookeeper,” Emma said.

“Really? Awesome. I have no idea what I want to be,” Lily confides.

“You’ll figure it out. You’ve got time,” Emma assured her.

Lily smiled at her, she liked Emma. Emma stared off into the distance, her thoughts were all over the place. She wondered how Ruby was doing, she hadn’t heard from her ever since she checked in here. Maybe she should call her or something.

“Ladies, what are we doing here?”

The voice of Nurse Keaton startled both of them, Emma recovered quickly.

“We started a new club, the club of the insomniacs. Wanna join?” she joked.

Nurse Keaton smirked as she approached the two women. “I’m not insomniac. If it wasn’t for you two, I would be sleeping now. Which both of you should do too,” she inquired.

“Sorry, nurse Jackson,” Lily said as she stood up.

“Me too. The offer still stands,” Emma winked and stood up as well.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Miss Swan. Chop, chop, off to bed with you.”

Emma and Lily made their way to their own room. “I hope you get some sleep, Lily,” Emma said as she was about to enter her room.

“You too. See you tomorrow,” Lily said, stopping half way to her room.

“See you.”

Emma entered her room, closed the door softly and laid down on bed. Maybe, just maybe, she would be okay…

_~~~_

25 August 2000, Boston

(Day 17)

The days are long and boring. Emma’s days existed out of therapy, activities and more therapy. At the moment she was in the recreation room making pots out of clay. At first it had been fun, but she had done this at least three times in the past two weeks. The therapy sessions with Archie weren’t going so well either, although he encouraged her to keep writing to this mysterious recruit, who had yet to write back.  She had just written her second letter and hoped this Regina would write back this time. She would understand if she didn’t reply, but it would be nice to hear something. Emma sighed and saw her clay pot was deformed terribly. Luckily, the activity hour was almost finished. Emma turned off the machine and walked to the sink to rinse her hands clean.

“You really suck at this,” Lily said next to her, grinning.

“Yeah well, you can’t be good at everything,” Emma joked.

“What’s your planning today?” Lily asked.

“Uh, one on one session with Archie in ten minutes, after that I’m free. You?”

“I think I’m after you with therapy. Want to play cards after?” Lily suggested.

“Yeah, sure.”

Emma dried her hands and walked to the door, Lily followed her. “Good luck,” she said as Emma turned the corner to Archie’s office.

“Thanks.”

Emma knocked and waited for Archie to answer. “Come in.”

Emma entered the room. It was a typical psychiatrist room, with a large desk and a computer, a couch for the patients and some ugly ass art on the wall. Emma wondered who had made them and why Archie would want them in his office.

“Miss Swan. Have a seat,” Archie welcomed her as he stepped from behind his desk.

Emma sat down on the couch as Archie sat down in the chair opposite the couch. In the corner of the room laid Pongo, Archie’s Dalmatian dog. It was against regulations of the facility to have animals in the house, but apparently there had been an exception for Pongo.

“So, how are you today?” Archie asked.

“The same as two days ago. Bored,” Emma replied.

“I understand. Why don’t we talk a bit about your future? What are your plans when you get out of here?” he asked.

“I want to finish college,” Emma said.

“And what do you want to study?”

“I was already at college, haven’t you read my history? I was studying to get my Bio degree,” Emma said irritated, she didn’t like to tell things people already knew.

“I read. You say was, as in past tense. Why?”

“Because I received a letter from the university.”

“And it literally said you were kicked out? No other options?” Archie pushed further.

“How would I know? I… I haven’t opened it,” she softly admitted.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m afraid, I guess,” she shrugged.

“I can understand that. Do you want to open it together?” he suggested, leaning a bit forward.

The gesture made Emma back away, as her heart rate picked up. Suddenly she was no longer in the doctor’s office, but in an old bedroom on the attic. She was no longer 18 years old, but twelve. She no longer saw Archie, but her foster father who had come to visit her late at night. She sat on her bed, clutching her blanket and he sat on a chair next to her bed. He leaned forward to whisper something in her ear, to not wake her younger foster brother. She shivered at the feeling of his scruffy beard against her skin. His hands slipped under the blanket, trying to rip the blanket away. She held on tight, but it didn’t stop him from moving his hands over her legs. She wanted to scream, but she knew if she would open her mouth, she would be sore for the rest of the week. So she let him do whatever he wanted, squeezing her eyes shut. He was suddenly gone and as she opened her eyes, she saw he was about to unbuckle his pants. She saw an opportunity and scrambled over the bed to the corner of the room. He roared as he came after her. Threatening he stood over her, with the belt in his hand. She knew she shouldn’t have run, but the bruises wouldn’t be as bad as he had his way with her.

“You little shit,” he growled at her. “I will get you. You belong to me now.”

He raised the belt and it scraped the skin on her cheek. She felt something warm and wet drip down. He hit her again, and again, and again until she felt completely numb. The beating stopped, but she didn’t dare to open her eyes.

“Emma! Emma, listen to me!”

The voice was far away, barely audible. She heard him come back and felt two strong hands on her upper arms. She cried out in fear, he never came back after a beating. Apparently, he wasn’t done with her and knew she wouldn’t defend herself now. He pressed her on the matrass and shifted his weight upon her. She kept crying as he came in her forcefully and had his way with her. The pain he caused her brought her back to her senses and she started pounding into him with her fists. He swore something and grabbed her by her wrists, holding her hand effectively above her head.

“We should sedate her!”

“No, not yet. Pongo, here.”

Emma suddenly felt the furry skin and a snout pressed against her face. Slowly she calmed down and came back to the here and now. Tears were running down her face as she buried it in Pongo’s fur. Archie sat across from her on his knees and Nurse Keaton stood near the door. Emma kept petting Pongo, it calmed her down.

“Hey, welcome back,” Archie smiled friendly at her.

Emma looked up and saw his glasses were crooked and looked like he was getting a black eye. Her face distorted and she started crying again. She had hit him, she realized.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re safe,” he said coaxing.

“I… I…hit…you,” Emma said brokenly.

“It’s fine, really.”

Emma swallowed thickly as Pongo licked her face. The feeling made her giggle and it was as if there was a weight being lifted of her shoulders. “Is it okay if we stop for today? I feel so tired,” Emma asked.

“Of course. And if you’re ready to talk about what just happened, you can always come and find me. Or if you want to just cuddle with Pongo, you’re welcome as well,” Archie offered.

“Thank you.”

Nurse Jackson wanted to help her get up, but Emma cringed, so she kept her distance. Emma stood up, patted Pongo once more and shuffled to her room. As soon as she fell on her bed, she curled up and closed her eyes…

4 October 2000, Boston

(Day 57)

Emma sighed as she looked for the umpteenth time on her clock. It was just after two a.m., she hadn’t slept yet. _Stupid insomnia_ , she swore as she stood up and grabbed her textbooks to get some studying done. She crept through the hallway with the books under her arm to the recreation room. She turned on the light next to the couch and sat down. She decided she would start with her least favorite subject, Economy. She hadn’t expect to have to take this course, but apparently she had to take it to graduate. Sighing, she started reading and making notes. Unexpectedly her concentration was unwavering until she noticed someone standing next to her. She looked up and found Lily looking curiously at her.

“Damn Lily, you startled me,” she exclaimed.

“Sorry. What are you doing?” she asked as she sat across from Emma.

“Some homework. I’m trying to keep up.”

“Homework? In the middle of the night? Are you sick?”

Emma snickered and closed the book. “No, just want to graduate. Still can’t sleep?” Emma asked.

Lily shook her head. “No. I haven’t told Archie either.”

“Why not?” Emma asked curiously.

“I don’t want to turn into a zombie, I’m tired of drugs,” Lily replied.

“That’s a good sign, but eventually you’ll need to sleep and perhaps Archie has some tricks,” Emma mused.

“Yeah, maybe. What where you reading?” Lily asked as she eyed the books.

“Economy. I hoped it could lull me to sleep, it’s so boring.”

Lily laughed. “But no such luck?”

Emma shook her head and turned her head towards the hall, she heard someone coming. “Nurse Keaton is coming. Let’s get out of here.”

Lily jumped up and fled the recreation room. Emma followed shortly with her books under her arm. As she passed the mailboxes, her eye fell on her own. There was a white envelop lying in it. She frowned, but grabbed it along with her as she left the room.

Laying in her bed she ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter. She unfolded it and started reading.

**_2 October 2000, Parris Island_ **

**_Dear Miss Swan,_ **

**_I want to thank you for your letter and I want to apologize I haven’t written sooner. To be honest, I didn’t want to write back, because according to my Drill Instructor I’m stubborn. The truth is, I am. But you wrote to me with such honesty and bravery, I had to write back._ **

**_I’m sorry to hear you’re still at rehab but I think it’s brave you are still there. About your choice of work, I’ve never met anyone who wanted to become a Zookeeper. I think it’s ambitious and I believe you can do it! I never met you of course, but you seem like a strong woman._ **

**_I just finished recruitment training and I’m off to the next training. I’m going to School of Infantry, which I think sounds exciting, sort of. I’m on my way there at the moment I write to you._ **

**_Don’t give up, miss Swan. You can beat this and do what you really want to do. Keep that in mind._ **

**_If you’d like to keep writing, you can contact me at the address of the back of the envelope. I do like getting your letters and I promise I will try to write back when I have the time._ **

**_Yours sincerely,_ **

**_Regina Mills_ **

**_Ps: You can use my first name if you like :)_ **

Emma smiled broadly. The recruit had written back.


	5. Regina

4 October 2000, Camp Geiger, North Carolina  
It was five A.M. and Regina was awake again. She still had the rhythm she had back at Parris Island. Unfortunately she hadn’t had the time to scout the surroundings, so running was out of the question. She was however too restless to just lay there, so she stood up and changed into her uniform. She snuck out of the sleeping quarters and breathed in the fresh air. The sun was already up and she squinted against the sharp light. She sighed, at loss off what she could do. As she started to walk around the compound, her mind went back to Jennifer. They had briefly called the other day and the girl had told her she was cleared for duty, but unfortunately she had to start all over. Regina shook her head, it wasn’t fair. She looked aside and found a running track on her right, it was all deserted. She smirked and walked up the track. She sat down on the damp grass and closed her eyes. She thought back about the letter she had sent to Emma and really hoped the woman would write back.

“You’re up early.”

Regina opened her eyes, squinting against the light. Next to her stood Kathryn, one of her fellow trainees.

“Couldn’t sleep anymore. Back at Parris Island I used to go for a run before breakfast,” Regina explained.

“Why didn’t you this time?” Kathryn asked further, motioning around her.

Kathryn was a tall blonde, with a pair of bright eyes. She always seemed to be smiling, almost queen like. Regina had taken an almost immediate liking to the woman, somehow Kathryn seemed familiar. Perhaps it was the certainness or the authority Kathryn radiated, or just the kindness she had shown from day one.

“I didn’t know there was a running track,” Regina admitted as they made their way back to the dinner hall.

“Well, now you know. Maybe we can train together?” the blonde offered.

“Yeah. I would like that.”

They entered the hall, which was really crowded. Regina didn’t like it, there was too much noise and chatter. As she gathered her breakfast, she tried to block the noise. Kathryn found them an empty spot in the back and it seemed like the noise subdued as they sat down.

“I hate having to have breakfast in such a huge group,” Kathryn complained as she cut her scrambled egg.

“Me too. Too much noise,” Regina agreed.

They ate in silence for a while, until Kathryn spoke up.

“So, what did you do in your free time after training?” she asked.

“I didn’t have free time, I came straight away,” Regina replied.

“You did? Why?”

“Why not? It was not like I had somewhere to go,” Regina said as she took a bite.

“What about your family? Didn’t they want to spent time with you after all this time?” Kathryn asked curious.

“No. They didn’t even show up at the Ceremony,” Regina replied, trying to hide the disappointment.

“Really? I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t need them.” Regina finished her breakfast and stood up. “Are you coming? We have appél,” she said.

Kathryn nodded and followed Regina, sensing the subject family was closed off.

17 October 2000, Camp Geiger  
Regina walked off the field, they had just trained in patrolling. She removed her helmet and felt her hair was wet with sweat. She longed for a shower and knew if she was quick, she could hit the shower first of her platoon. Kathryn was following close behind her, removing her helmet as well.

“O man, I smell!” she complained.

Regina looked aside with a wicked grin. “Race you to the shower?” she proposed.

“O, you’re on, Mills! You’re so on!”

They ran to their building side by side. They skidded to a halt as they almost ran into Major Grant and pretended to be just walking. As soon as Major Grant was out of sight, they ran away. Regina reached the building first, benefiting from all the running she had done the past months. She grinned as she grabbed her shower stuff and stepped into the shower. Kathryn followed her shortly. Regina stripped out of her uniform and underwear, turning on the shower. She closed her eyes as the warm water hit her skin, October was starting to get cold. As she slowly warmed up, she overthought the past days. As soon as she had arrived here, she had been separated from her recruitment group. After that she had been just sitting around and with no idea when her training would start. She had kept up with her physical training and had made a schedule for herself existing out of running and martial arts. She had found a worthy training partner in Kathryn. A couple of days ago her training had started, existing out of the basic skills as combat marksmanship, use of grenades, identifying and countering improvised explosive devices, convoy operations, Military Operations in Urban Terrain (MOUT), tactical formations, land navigation, and patrolling. Regina had found them interesting and realized she liked being a Marine. For the first time in her life she felt like she had a purpose, a goal to work towards. She strived to be the best sniper out there. A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Mills, are you still alive in there or are you turned into a fish?” Kathryn called jokingly.

“I haven’t, unfortunately,” Regina replied back and turned off the shower.

Kathryn was waiting for her, grinning and with a towel wrapped around her body, Regina walked to her bunk to change into her uniform. There was nothing on the schedule tonight, but Regina knew that could change in a second. She opted for her cameo pants and a grey t-shirt, which showed off her muscled arms really well.

“Look at you, hotshot,” Kathryn teased her.

Kathryn was no way near as muscled as Regina, but she was surprisingly strong. Regina smirked and grabbed a hoodie she had been given when she had arrived at Quantico. It was really warm and slightly too big. The door opened and a Sergeant entered with a bunch of envelopes in his hands. He went around the group, handing Regina two envelopes. Regina frowned, she only expected a letter from Emma. She studied both envelopes and did find one of them was from Emma. The other one originated from New York and Regina’s jaw slacked as she recognized the address. As quick as she could she ripped open the letter and as she plopped on her bed, she started reading.

_15 September, New York_

Regina frowned as she saw the date and gave a closer look to the envelope. The address on the front had been scratched and in another, sloppier handwriting was her current address. She nodded as she understood she had missed the letter.

_Hey big sis!_

I’m writing this letter in the middle of the night, under my blanket with a torch light. Mum is out for the night, but I’m not sure when she’ll be back. So, I’m just being extra careful!

How are you? I’m really curious to how you are doing and especially what you are doing! Is it exciting and dangerous? I hope they threat you well. I’ve read online that the training to become a Marine is really hard, so I hope you are doing well.

Mom’s still furious, she kinda freaks me out sometimes. She’s pressuring me in doing my best even harder as I’m ‘the only one to be able to follow in her footsteps’. I’m scared to tell her I really want to be a doctor…

I miss you.

I hope you are safe out there.

I love you.

Xoxo, Zelena.

With tears in her eyes Regina read the letter and there was nothing more she wanted then to hold her little sister. She wiped away the tears and read the letter again. Regina folded the letter back up and slid it back in the envelope. She grabbed the other envelop and ripped it open. She unfolded it and started to read.

_12 October, Boston_

_Hi Regina,_

_Yay, you wrote back!_

_Sorry, that maybe was a bit too enthusiastic. But yay!_

_So, correct me if I’m wrong, but I can call you private now? That sounds so cool! And this School of Infantry you wrote about, that sounds pretty bad ass. Where are you doing this training or are you not allowed to tell me? I would totally understand it!_

_I’m trying to keep up with my classes, I have plenty of time here. I’m just not able to take the exams and tests, which kind of sucks. But at least I’m trying. After I’m done here, I want to pick up where I left._

_Thank you for calling me strong, honestly I feel anything but strong. But I know I need to go through with this._

_What exactly are they teaching you at a School of Infantry? As I said before, I have no clue about military and all. I do think it’s brave of you to fight for this country. I don’t think I could do it, I would be scared all the time._

_As always, be safe._

_Emma Swan_

Regina smiled at the letter, she really liked Emma writing her. She however was worried about the part where Emma admitted she didn’t feel strong. She wished there was something she could do for the woman. She folded the letter back up and slid it in the envelope. As she laid back down on her bed, she tried to figure out how to write back to her sister. If her mother saw it was from her, she would shred the letter to pieces immediately, so that wasn’t an option.

“Regina, we’re going down town. Want to join?” Kathryn suddenly asked.

“Yeah, sure. Are we going to the same pub as last week?”

“Yes.”

Regina took of her hoodie and replaced it with her jacket and left the room, following Kathryn and their platoon.

~~~

The bar was filled to the fullest capacity tonight. The bar was filled with mostly Marines and a few locals. Regina and her friends had managed to commandeer a booth and now Regina was just looking around with a beer in her hand. It was here with the Marines she had learned to drink beer, her mother would have been disgusted, which only encouraged Regina even more. She smirked as she took a healthy swig of the bitter fluids. She had accustomed to the taste and even started to like it. Her eye fell on a particular beautiful red headed woman at the end of the bar. Regina emptied her beer and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Whale asked, one of her friends.

“I’ll be right back, I need a refill.”

She waved with the empty glass and made her way to the bar. Luckily, there was an empty spot next to the redhead. Regina leaned on the bar next to the woman and motioned to the bartender she wanted a refill. She turned her head to look at the redhead and saw she was a bit shy.

“Your first time here?” she asked.

The woman startled and looked up. Her eyes were a rare ice blue and had Regina captivated immediately. “Yeah. I arrived yesterday,” the woman said.

“Welcome then. What command are you in?” Regina asked further to show interest.

“Marine Combat. You?”

“Infantry. I’m Regina, by the way,” she introduced herself.

“Lacey. Nice to meet you.”

The conversation stocked after that, Regina sipped of her beer. She saw Lacey was keeping to non-alcohol drinks.

“You are allowed to drink, you know?” Regina smirked.

“I know. I just don’t like beer,” Lacey admitted.

“Me neither, but you have to learn to drink it. Just like coffee,” Regina said.

“I don’t like coffee either,” Lacey replied, a small smile played across her lips.

“How the hell are you standing up straight then?” Regina exclaimed.

“Pure willpower. And…” Lacey’s voice lowered to a whisper. “I’m not straight.”

Regina’s eyes widened comically. She knew the rules in the Marines were very strict, no fraternizing among the troops and being gay was not done. She had known this when she joined, but it still had bummed her out. Of course she had kept it under wraps and had convinced herself she wouldn’t be able to get laid during her time in the Marines and had made peace with it. But now an opportunity presented itself to her and she would be the last to say no.

“Why don’t we take this conversation somewhere more… private?” Regina opted.

Lacey’s eyes widened in surprise and a small smile spread across her face as she nodded. Unknowing to her friends, Regina left the bar with Lacey in tow. Suddenly, Lacey dragged Regina along with her into an alley next to the bar. She pressed Regina to the wall and kissed her feverish. Regina reacted immediately, it had been too long since she had touched a female body. Apparently, the same applied to Lacey, judging the eagerness of the girl. Regina pushed the girl a bit off her to catch her breath.

“It’s been awhile, huh?” she asked, grinning.

“You can say that,” Lacey replied as she wove her hand through Regina’s hair.

“For me too.”

Regina attacked Lacey’s mouth again, eager to taste her again. Her hands roamed over Lacey’s fit body as too remember every curve. She knew it would be a while before she could get her hands on anybody again. She didn’t feel for getting fired after how far she’s come. Lacey slid her hand up, brushing against Regina’s nipple. It elicited a breathy moan from Regina who gripped Lacey’s clothes tighter. Lacey abandoned Regina’s lips and moved to the exposed neck to suckle on the skin down there. Regina decided to come in action as well and moved her hand up Lacey’s with tights clad legs. She hiked up the skirt and moved her hand to Lacey’s center. Regina only touched it over the tights with one finger and Lacey moaned.

“Yes,” she hissed.

Regina smirked and took that as a sign to move further. Her hand moved further up and slipped inside the tights. The skin under her fingers was warm to the touch, almost hot. Lacey’s hand had in the meantime moved from Regina’s chest downwards to Regina’s pants. Regina made more room for Lacey to unbutton her pants and wiggle her hand inside. Regina hissed at the feeling as Lacey wasted no time. Deft fingers touched Regina’s wet folds and paused before entering. Regina moved her own hand more down and touched Lacey’s outer lips. She didn’t pause and entered Lacey with two fingers. Lacey moaned and followed Regina’s example by entering her as well. They moved in unison, at some point Regina added a third finger. Lacey moaned and Regina felt she was almost there. She slowed her motions, wanting to come together. As she felt she drew closer to the edge, she sped up her motions and together they crashed over the edge. Both needed a moment to get a grasp on reality and Regina thought this was one of the most intense orgasms she had had. The fact they had to do it in secret made it all the more exciting.

“We should do this again some time,” Lacey smirked.

Regina nodded. “We should.”

Both pulled their uniforms straight and Lacey left the alley first. Regina leaned against the wall, reminiscing what just had happened. It had felt so good after all this time. She glanced at her watch, enough time had passed. She pushed herself off the wall and walked out of the alley. She glanced inside the bar and saw her friends were still inside. She hesitated for a moment, doubting if she would rejoin them, but decided against it. She felt tired after her little rendezvous and walked back to campus.

The next day Regina felt rejuvenated. What a good fuck could do to your body and mind, Regina grinned. She and Kathryn were on their way for their morning run.

“Where did you disappear to last night?” Kathryn asked curious.

“Wouldn’t you want to know?” Regina teased as she tightened her shoes.

“Yes, I do. Duh.”

Regina chuckled and stood up right to stretch her muscles. She ached at a certain place, which made her smile even more. “I didn’t feel good,” she answered, hoping Kat would fall for it.

“You’re lying. I saw you leave with someone,” Kathryn objected.

This startled Regina. If Kathryn had seen them leave, other people would have too. “She was only helping me to get home safely,” she quickly made up.

“See! I knew it! You had a hot…. wait… She?” Kathryn asked confused.

Shit.

Regina looked up guilty, there was no way she could talk herself out of this. Kathryn grabbed Regina’s arm and pushed her off the tracks against the stands.

“You were with a woman?”

“Yes.”

“Shit, Gina. You know the rules,” Kathryn exclaimed.

Regina pushed Kathryn off of her. “I know. No one is supposed to know. It just… It had been so long,” she tried to explain herself.

“It has been long for all of us,” Kathryn said bitterly.

“I know. You would have done it as well if you had the chance,” Regina said desperately.

Kathryn nodded cautiously. “Probably. But I’m straight, Gina. You have to be really careful.”

“I know and I am. This...thing? It was the first time ever since I joined.”

“Good. Let it be the last.”

Kathryn send her a stern look and walked off to the tracks. Regina followed her hesitantly. “Can I trust you?” she asked.

Kathryn looked aside with a serious look on her face. “Of course, you’re secret is safe with me. But don’t ever do that again,” she added.

“I promise.”

~~~

**_18 October 2000, Camp Geiger, North Carolina_ **

**_Hello miss Swan,_ **

**_Sorry it took a while to get back to you, my training has begun. They are training me to be a good rifleman, woman in my case, and train me further to be a good soldier. Next to learning how to shoot I learn patrolling, using grenades, working with improvised explosive devices, tactical formations and land navigations. It’s all quite interesting. And currently I’m in North Carolina at Camp Geiger, for now I am allowed to tell people where I am. I don’t know how it will be when I’m deployed._ **

**_I do admire your persistence, trying to keep up with your classes. Must be hard not being able to be with your classmates. So yeah, I think you are strong._ **

**_I don’t know if it’s too early to call in a favor, but you are my only hope at the moment. My family situation is… delicate. My mom kind of disowned me when I joined the Marines. This means I can’t write my little sister, who somehow managed to send me a letter. If I include the letter to my sister with this letter, would you mind sending it through with your return address? I’m afraid my mother will rip up the letter as soon as she sees it’s from me and I want to let my sister know I’m okay._ **   
**_If you are uncomfortable with this, please let me know! I won’t hate you for it, I promise._**

**_I think that’s it for now. Keep fighting Emma, I know you can beat this!_ **

**_Bye,_ **

**_Regina Mills_ **

3 November 2000, Camp Geiger, North Carolina  
The wind was blowing hard as Regina jumped of the Humvee. She held her rifle at the ready as she quickly scanned her surroundings. It seemed quiet, but she knew better. Kathryn landed next to her and tapped her shoulder. Regina followed Kathryn off the road into the field. At the first sight of enemies, she dropped to the ground and started firing her first round. She hit the target within three shots and stood up to run further. She dared to look over her shoulder and saw at least five Humvees lining behind each other. The other soldiers of her platoon were scattered over the field and everywhere around her she heard shots. For a moment she thought she was in a real war zone. She ran further to the next target. She crawled over the ground to get as close as possible and fired just once. Again she hit the target and she smirked. She felt she was on fire today. Her combat instructor thought the same as he pulled her aside after the training.

“Keep up the good work, Private. If you do well, maybe you’ll get a spot at the Scout Sniper training,” he said as they walked back to the Humvees.

“Thank you, sir,” she replied.

He nodded and got in the first Humvee. Regina just smirked as she stepped into the same Humvee she got here with.

“What are you smirking at?” Kathryn asked suspicious.

“Nothing.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, but decided not to ask further. Regina looked outside and realized Emma hadn’t written back yet, she would have to check at the mail office again. She knew there was nothing on the schedule after the training session martial arts. She had never thought she would love practicing martial arts, but she did. It made her feel stronger, physically and mentally.

“Hey, what’s on the schedule today for the training session?” Kathryn asked, pulling the brunette out of her reverie.

“Jujutsu, I thought,” Regina replied, she could dream the schedule.

“Okay, nice. I keep forgetting the schedule,” Kathryn said complaining.

Regina just smirked and stared back outside. She wondered what her mother would say if she saw her right now. She was dirty and cold, her hair tied back in a tight bun on the back of her head. She had the intention of cutting her hair short as soon as she would be deployed. She knew it could happen at any moment, several people from her platoon had already been deployed.

“Mills, come on!”

Regina looked up and saw they were back at the campus. She jumped out of the Humvee and walked with Kathryn back to the sleeping quarters to get a quick shower before they were expected in the dojo.

~~~

Regina felt serene as she came back from the training session. She decided against a shower, seeing as she had showered earlier. This gave her some time left before dinner. She was pleasantly surprised as she found an envelope waiting for her on bed. She had been impatiently waiting for a letter from Emma, she had even weekly harassed the mail office. She ripped open the letter and unfolded the letter.

_27 October 2000, Boston_

_Hi Regina,_

_Now it’s my turn to say sorry, I’ve had a lot of therapy lately._

_It’s no problem to forward your letters to your sister, its good you two stay in contact despite your mother. I added a little letter for your sister, so she knows I send your letter through. She called me the other day and we have decided she sends her letters to me, so I can safely send them to you and your mother doesn’t get suspicious, I hope._

_Your letter helped me big time. Every time I had a difficult moment, I read it again. So, thank you! I’ve improved enough to leave the clinic for a couple of days. I’m so excited! I will keep you posted how it will go ;)_

_As always, keep safe._

_Emma Swan_

_Ps: You can call me Emma ;)_

Regina snickered at the ps and was relieved her letter had reached her sister. Now she had to hope her mother wouldn’t find the letters, but she knew Zelena was smart. She grabbed her note block and was about to start to write back as the door opened and her Sergeant and combat instructor approached her.

“Private Mills.”

Regina immediately stood at attention. “Sir, yes sir!”

“At ease.” Regina relaxed a little and looked up at the Sergeant. “You are being deployed, private. I have your details in this envelop. You leave at six hundred hours tomorrow morning. Good luck.”

He handed her the envelope. “Thank you, sir.”

He nodded and left the room. Kathryn immediately came over to her. “Where are they sending you?” she asked curious.

Regina opened the envelope and read the information.

“Somalia. They are sending me to Somalia.”


	6. Emma

7 October 2000, Boston  
(Day 60)  
Emma woke up sore. The previous day she had a pretty violent panic attack during a session with Archie. This time she hadn’t hit him, but it was a close call. Somehow Pongo seemed to be able to calm her down, but it had taken pretty long before she had been completely back in the here and now. Archie had advised her to take up yoga, it might help her relax more. At this point she was willing to do anything, the panic attacks were more livid and frequent than before she started doing coke. A knock on the door pulled her out of her reverie.

“Are you up?” Lily’s voice sounded muted through the door.

“Yes. Come in.”

Lily stepped in the room just as Emma rolled out of bed.

“You call that up?” she berated with a smirk.

“Shut up. My eyes are open, I walk and talk. That’s up enough for me,” Emma grumbled and pulled on some sweatpants and a loose fitting shirt.

Lily had kindly agreed to join her with the yoga, which was held three times a week in the morning. This would be the first lesson and Emma already thought of quitting. She had never been a morning person or a very sportive person for that matter. She grabbed a towel out of the bathroom and followed Lily to the gym. In all the weeks she had been here, she hadn’t been in the gym once, avoiding it like the plague.

“I hope the instructor is hot,” Lily quipped smirking. Emma just smirked back as the entered the gym. Next to radio installation stood a fit, tall Asian woman. “Damn, it’s a woman,” Lily murmured as she walked over to a yoga mat.

“So, she’s hot,” Emma remarked as she sat down next to Lily.

Lily’s head snapped aside so fast, Emma was afraid she would break her neck.

“You like women?” she hissed.

“O yeah,” Emma smirked as she seized up the brunette.

She was tall, her legs seemed endless. She was fit, Emma even spotted some good developed abs. She always had a soft spot for abs. The rest of the curves were perfectly balanced, a nice ass and a normal cup size. The woman looked like she was in her mid-twenties and had long black hair, which hung in a braid on her back.

“Oh what I would give to have such a body,” Lily sighed next to her.

“Oh, what I would give to have that body underneath me,” Emma grinned.

“Shut up.”

The gym had filled in the meantime and the class was about to start. The woman walked to the front of the class, waiting for everyone to settle on a mat.

“Good morning, everyone. I see a few new faces, so I’ll introduce myself. I’m Mulan and I’ll be your yoga instructor these coming classes. Okay, let’s take the first position.”

Emma followed Mulan’s example and was surprised at the end of the class at how much she had enjoyed it. As she was rolling up the mat, Mulan approached her.

“Was it your first yoga lesson?” she asked as she helped Emma.

“Yeah, could you tell?” Emma asked as she looked up.

“Just a bit, but you’ll get the hang of it,” Mulan chuckled as she stood up. Emma stood up as well and awkwardly they looked at each other. “Is it possible I’ve seen you on the Boston University campus?” Mulan suddenly asked.

“Yes. I was a student there,” Emma replied.

“Did you quite?”

“No, just taking a break to… Well, I’m here for a reason,” Emma said.

Mulan nodded. “Of course. What are you studying?”

“Biology. I need a degree to become a zookeeper,” she said, a smile crept up her face as she thought about it.

“Really? Cool. I’m a philosophy major. This is my side job, to pay for college,” Mulan explained.

“Nice. I uh, I guess I see you around. I have a group session in a few minutes,” Emma said apologetic.

“Yeah, okay. See you around. Good luck,” Mulan replied.

Emma nodded and turned to walk out of the gym. Mulan’s face followed her, she really was beautiful. A bit socially awkward, but so was she.

~~~

Feeling calmer than she had in quite some time, Emma sat in the room where the group sessions were held. The group had changed a bit over the weeks, a few had left and new faces had appeared. Emma didn’t really mind, she knew she would be leaving too someday. Next to her sat Lily, she looked better these days. Emma nudged her softly and Lily looked up questioning.

“Are you sleeping better? You look better,” she whispered.

Lily smiled softly and nodded. “Yeah. Archie recommended me this herbal tea. It’s doing wonders,” she replied.

“Good for you.”

“You should try it as well,” Lily whispered.

“Maybe, yeah.”  
Archie entered the room and everyone went slowly quiet. “Good afternoon everyone. I see a few new faces, welcome. We’ll start today with congratulate someone with reaching their sixty days being clean. Emma, very well done,” Archie said as he handed her a button with the number 60 on it.

Emma accepted it smiling. “Thank you. If it weren’t for you and Lily, I wouldn’t have made it this far. So, thank you both.”

She sat back down, Lily smiled broadly at her. “You’re welcome and vice versa,” she whispered as Archie started his therapy session.

Emma zoned out, thinking about how soon she could go back to college. She was determined more than ever to graduate. Her mind wondered to Regina, she wondered what the woman was doing at this moment and reminded herself she had to write back. She had been so excited when she had finally received a letter back. Her mind jumped back to this morning, to Mulan. She hadn’t seen the woman before, which she regretted slightly. But apparently Mulan had noticed her, which might be a good sign. Of course, she had no idea if Mulan was attracted to girls and if she had a shot. Emma stretched herself out, folding her arms behind her head and closed her eyes. Lily nudged her and Emma looked aside.

“What?” she asked smirking.

Lily only shot her look with raised eyebrows and motioned to Archie. Emma rolled her eyes and sat up straight. Still she managed to zone out Archie until the end of the session. She rose up as everyone stood up and was about to walk out of the room as Archie called her back. Emma rolled with her eyes and told Lily she would find her afterwards. She walked back to Archie and leant on the back of a chair.

“You called?” she said mockingly.

Archie just send her a pointing glare. “My session wasn’t very interesting for you this afternoon, was it?” he stated observingly.

“Not really. Sorry,” she apologized, she felt a bit guilty about her behavior.

“We’re not in school, but I’d appreciate if you’d pay attention the next time,” he said warningly.

“Will do.”

Emma let go of the chair and was about to walk to the door as Archie spoke again.

“How was your first yoga class?”

Emma turned to face him, a small smile played on her face. “Refreshing. I enjoyed it more than I thought. And it made my mind calmer for the time being,” she confessed.

“I am glad to hear that. I’m proud of you, Emma,” he said as he closed the lid of his briefcase.

“I’m a bit proud of myself too,” she said softly.

“And you have every right to. I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked as he made his way to the door.

“Definitely. Can I bring Pongo some cookies tomorrow?” she asked suddenly, thinking of how much the dog had helped her through some really bad episodes.

“Of course, he’ll love them.”

Emma smiled and with a small wave she said goodbye. While making her way to the recreation room, she realized she hadn’t been this cheerful since a very long time. She made a note to herself she would call Ruby in the evening, she missed her best friend.

12 October 2000, Boston  
(Day 65)  
_The E.R. was bustling and the chairs in the waiting room were hard and uncomfortable. I have been sitting here for at least an hour. I try to ignore the pain in my hand, a fourteen year old isn’t supposed to cry. My foster brother had told me I deserved it, as I never did what he asked of me. I close my eyes, not wanting to think about him. My foster family thought he was the angel of the family, but I know better. He had it out for me since day one I got placed in the family. It had started with small things, accidently touching my arm to being ‘helpful’ as I was getting dressed or something. It had went bad after that. He had come into my room at night, touching me in places I didn’t want. Until now I had let him as he never went further than touching. But tonight he had went further than just touching and I had defended myself, resulting in another visit to the E.R. My foster mom had taken me to the hospital after she found me clutching my hand and on the verge of tears. Of course I had to make something up and told her I had dropped something heavy on my hand. She had believed me fortunately._  
 _Hours later we are finally on our way home, my hand is in a cast. My foster mom is pissed, due to the long waiting hours it was almost midnight. Without speaking she parks the car and gets out. I follow her suit, scared to go in. I look up and see there’s a light burning on Brandon’s room. Great, he’s waiting for me._

_“We are never going back to that hospital,” my foster mom says as we enter the house._

_I want to object by saying it’s the only hospital in miles, but I keep my mouth shut. “Yeah. Sorry.”_

_“No need to apologize, just be careful next time, okay?” she says sweetly._

_“I promise. Thanks for taking me.”_

_“No problem. Go get some sleep,” she says._

_I nod and drag my feet up the stairs. As I reach the top, the door of Brandon’s room opens. He grins at me as soon as he sees me._

_“Took you long enough,” he mocks and pulls me in his room. “I wasn’t done with you.” He pushes me on his bed roughly, my hand slams against the wall. I yelp at the pain shooting through the broken bones. “Don’t be such a girl,” he says as he shifts his weight on top of me._

_He kisses me roughly, his hands travel south. He rips open my pants and shoves his hand inside my underwear. I squirm under him, I don’t want this. He is much stronger and he forces his fingers inside me. At the feeling of him entering me I start seeing red. I lunge at him with my casted hand and hit him hard on the head. He screams in pain and hits back. I try to protect my face, but to no avail. He keeps hitting me until I have no strength left. He is clever enough to keep me conscious as he continues to do to me what he wants…_

Emma gasped for air as Pongo pushed his snout in her face. With shaking hands she petted his fur and tried to even her breathing.

“Welcome back. Are you okay?” Archie asked worried.

“I… I think so,” Emma replied shakenly.

She closed her eyes, trying to calm her mind. Not only memories from that night flit through her head, but also from other moments. She really wished she could turn off her mind sometimes.

“Do you want to tell me where you went?” Archie asked carefully.

Emma nodded and sat up straight, still petting Pongo. He seemed to like the way she scratched behind his ears and it calmed Emma down.

“I was fourteen and had been placed by my… I don’t know how many, new foster family. It all started out great, they were really friendly to me. But they had a son. He was a couple of years older than me and he had taken a liking to me,” Emma recalled.

“Did he hurt you?”

“He did. Like all the other men. I was placed out of that home because they thought I was too violent.” Emma snickered dryly and shook her head. “I was relieved they send me back to the group home. I knew I was somewhat safe there. Anyway, it felt like it,” Emma said as she sighed deeply.

“After this family, did they place you in another one?” Archie asked.

“No. Nobody wanted me and my caseworker just gave up on me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Emma shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s life, I suppose.”

“It shouldn’t have been.”

“There’s nothing I can do about it now, accept proving that I’m better than that.”

“And you are well on your way. Our time is up for today. See you at the group session tomorrow?” Archie asked as he closed his notebook.

“Yep, I’ll be there.”

Emma stood up as well, giving Pongo one last scratch behind his ears and left the room. A bit aimless, she walked around the clinic as she spotted Mulan smoking outside in the garden. Emma decided to test her luck and walked outside. The cold air hit her and remembered it was already October. She walked up to Mulan with her hands deeply buried in her pockets.

“You know that’s bad for you, right?” Emma said jokingly.

Mulan looked up at Emma and eyed the cigarette in her hand. “I know. Bad habit, I suppose. How have you been? I didn’t see you this morning,” she said as she putted out the cigarette and threw it away.

“I overslept this morning. And I’ve been good, getting better every day,” Emma replied, searching for an opening to make a move. “How are you?”

“Good, busy. School is taking up all my energy these days,” Mulan replied.

“What year are you in?” Emma asked curiously.

“Second. You?”

“I was supposed to start with my third year. But I’m already a semester behind,” Emma said, her voice sounded disappointed.

“I’m sorry. If you need help studying, maybe I can help,” Mulan offered.

“That would be great, actually. Thanks,” Emma replied surprised.

“You’re welcome. Let me know when you need me.”

Emma nodded. “I will.”

“You should go inside,” Mulan said as she saw Emma shivering.

“Yeah. It’s colder than I thought. Thanks for the talk.”

“You’re welcome. See you in a couple of days?”

Emma nodded, waved and walked back inside. She smirked as she walked to the recreation room, she had scored some sort of date with Mulan. She grabbed her note block and a pen from her room and continued her way to the recreation room. Lily waved at her as she spotted her. Emma walked over and sat down.

“What are you smirking about?” Lily asked curious.

“Nothing,” Emma smirked and started writing Regina back.

21 October 2000, Boston  
(Day 74)  
Emma stretched herself out on the couch. It was Saturday, meaning there would be no therapy sessions today. Yoga however did go through this morning and Emma felt recharged. Afterwards she had spoken with Mulan again and they agreed Mulan would come in on Sunday to help Emma with her study. Emma was grateful for it and a little bit excited. She had started too really like Mulan.

“Swan, mail for you.”

Emma looked up and one of the male nurses handed her an envelope. Emma recognized the handwriting and smiled, Regina had kept her promise to write back. She felt the envelope was thick and frowned a bit. She ripped open the envelope and found two separate folded pieces of paper. She opened one and found that one was addressed to her.

_18 October 2000, Camp Geiger, North Carolina_

_Hello miss Swan,_

_Sorry it took a while to get back to you, my training has begun. They are training me to be a good rifleman, woman in my case, and train me further to be a good soldier. Next to learning how to shoot I learn patrolling, using grenades, working with improvised explosive devices, tactical formations and land navigations. It’s all quite interesting. And currently I’m in North Carolina at Camp Geiger, for now I am allowed to tell people where I am. I don’t know how it will be when I’m deployed._

_I do admire your persistence, trying to keep up with your classes. Must be hard not being able to be with your classmates. So yeah, I think you are strong._

_I don’t know if it’s too early to call in a favor, but you are my only hope at the moment. My family situation is… delicate. My mom kind of disowned me when I joined the Marines. This means I can’t write my little sister, who somehow managed to send me a letter. If I include the letter to my sister with this letter, would you mind sending it through with your return address? I’m afraid my mother will rip up the letter as soon as she sees it’s from me and I want to let my sister know I’m okay._   
_If you are uncomfortable with this, please let me know! I won’t hate you for it, I promise._

_I think that’s it for now. Keep fighting Emma, I know you can beat this!_

_Bye,_

_Regina Mills_

Emma smirked at the way Regina kept addressing her as Miss Swan. She looked at the other folded piece of paper and thought for a moment. Of course she was willing to be a between person for Regina and her sister. She folded the letter back up and putted it back in the envelope. She grabbed the other piece of paper and walked to the office to get two envelopes and some stamps. She walked back to her room and started writing a little note for the sister. She had peaked at the letter to get a name, Zelena.

_21 October 2000, Boston_

_Hi Zelena,_

_My name is Emma Swan and I’m writing with your sister Regina. She has received your letter and asked me to send her reply through to you, so your mother won’t get suspicious._   
_If you like, you can call me to get our stories straight for your mother ;)_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Emma Swan_

Underneath her name she had written down her number for Zelena and folded the paper to slide it into the envelope. Regina had included the address and Emma wrote it down. She left her room to drop the letter in the mailbox and walked to the recreation room.

“There you are!” Lily exclaimed as she saw Emma enter.

“Looking for me, squirt?” Emma teased as she sat down next to Lily.

Lily was a couple of inches taller than Emma, but was a couple of years younger. It had been a running joke between them, Lily had nicknamed Emma Stretch once. So of course Emma had come up with a nickname for Lily.

“A bit. I was wondering if you want to play some Mario Kart?” Lily asked hopeful.

“Sure. But know that I’m going to beat your ass right?” Emma smirked as she grabbed the controller.

“Uhuh,” Lily smirked.

Soon enough they were engaged in the game, trying to keep the other from winning. The other patients in the room gathered around the game console and cheered both girls on.

27 October 2000, Boston  
(Day 80)  
Emma yawned, she was so done with this mandatory activity thing every day. She really had more things to do, like preparing for her upcoming exams. She had been in contact with her school and arranged she could retake the exams she had missed. She had ten more days to go here in the clinic and she really wanted to spend those days with her nose in the books. Unfortunately, she had to be present at these activities. The door opened and one of the male nurses poked his head around the door.

“Emma Swan?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Emma looked up from the clay she was supposed to make a vase out of.

“Phone call for you.”

“Nice.”

She abandoned her chunk of clay, rinsed her hands clean as best as possible and walked out of the room. Whistling, she walked to the phone, wondering who would be calling her. She picked up the phone and leant against the wall.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Emma Swan?” a girl voice asked.

“Yes, this is she,” Emma replied, she didn’t recognize the voice.

“I’m Zelena Mills, Regina’s sister.”

“O, hey. Nice to meet you,” Emma said, she lifted up her head to look outside.

“Likewise. I told my mom I’m writing you as a part of a school assignment, so I think we’re safe,” Zelena told excitedly.

“That’s a good idea. Nice one,” Emma smirked, she liked how resourceful Zelena was.

“Thanks. So, how do you know my sister?” Zelena asked, sounding a bit defending.

Emma chuckled. “I started writing her when I got her contact information from a site. They encourage you to write a lonely soldier,” Emma explained. “At first she didn’t write back, but after I kept writing, she eventually wrote back.”

Zelena snickered. “Yeah, that sounds like her. It’s good she has you to write. And me now, I guess.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve got to go, my mum can be home at any minute. Thanks for the help!”

“You’re welcome, kiddo.”

The line went dead and Emma hung up as well. With a small smile playing around her mouth, she made her way back to the recreation room. She was glad she could help Regina and Zelena to stay in contact. She sighed and wondered once again if she had brothers or sisters, if her parents were still alive. She shoved her hands deep in her pockets, she had given up the hope of finding her family a long time ago, so why start wondering now?

“Emma?”

Emma looked up and saw Archie approaching her. “Hey Archie,” she greeted him.

He beamed at her as he reached her. “I’ve got some good news for you.”

“Well, spit it out,” Emma said curious, hoping the news would be what she thought.

“You’ve been cleared to go on leave,” he finally said.

“Yes! When?” she asked excitedly.

“If you can arrange it, this weekend,” he told her.

“I think I can arrange that. I’m going to call Ruby immediately!” she said before she sprinted back to the phone.

She stormed into the office once again, picking up the phone.

“You forget something?” Nurse Keaton asked as she spotted the overly excited Emma.

“Nope. I’m allowed to go on leave,” Emma replied as she dialed Ruby’s number.

“Good for you, girl.”

Emma grinned as she waited for Ruby to pick up. She glanced at the clock, seeing it was past ten o’clock. Ruby should be up, but she didn’t know her schedule anymore. It made her a bit sad, but if she would behave this weekend, perhaps she would be able to short track the project here.

“Hello?”

Emma smirked, Ruby sounded sleepy.

“Hey Red, it’s me.”

“Emma? Why are you calling…. o shit, it’s late! Uh, hi!”

Emma heard some stumbling on the other side of the line and distinguished it as Ruby trying to get up.

“Late? I’ve been up for hours,” Emma joked.

“Ha ha, Em. What.. uh, how are you?” she asked.

“I’m fine. Good actually. That’s why I’m calling. I’m cleared to leave for a couple of days,” she rambled, trying to contain her excitement, always prepared for disappointment.

“Really? That’s awesome. So, when are you allowed to leave?” she asked, the stumbling had stopped.

Emma could imagine Ruby sitting on the edge of her bed and Belle lying beside her. “This weekend, if that’s okay with you,” Emma replied, unsure of the answer.

She took a deep breath, already preparing for a ‘no, sorry’. “Of course that’s okay, silly! Around what time can I pick you up?” Ruby asked, sounding as excited as Emma felt.

“Anything after seven,” Emma answered relieved, a big smile appeared on her face.

“I’ll see you tonight!”

“See you.”

The line went dead and Emma did a little dance of joy, making Nurse Keaton smile. “Good for you, kid,” she commented as she left the office.

Emma almost sprinted back to the recreation room to tell Lily the good news. She bumped into Lily as she was about to exit the recreation room.

“Lucky bastard,” she smirked.

“What?” Emma asked confused, wondering if she already knew.

“Skipping half of the class,” Lily explained.

“O, yeah. Listen, I’ve got some good news,” Emma said excitedly.

“O? What is it?”

“I’m going home for the weekend,” Emma squealed.

“Really? Awesome! Good for you!” Lily replied excitedly. “You have to bring me some sweets! I’ve been craving them for weeks.”

“I will.”

Chatting and laughing they made their way to Emma’s room.

~~~  
It was exactly seven o’clock when Ruby’s red Mini Cooper drove up to the clinic. Emma waved at the porter and skipped down the steps. Ruby got out and waited for Emma to reach the car.

“Hey you,” she smiled.

Emma looked good, she saw. She had her healthy color back and her eyes were back glistening with life.

“Hi,” Emma beamed as she dropped her bag in the backseat of the Mini and sat in the passenger seat.

Ruby sat down again as well and fired up the engine. “You look good, Em,” she said sincerely.

“Thanks. I feel good. So, what are we up to this weekend?” Emma asked.

“Well, I think that’s up to you. I do have a party I have to attend, but you can stay at home if you want,” Ruby thought out loud.

“A party? Count me in!”

Ruby looked aside frowning. “You sure? I mean…”

“I can do this, Rubes, really,” Emma said with an earnest glance.

“Okay. I believe you.”

Emma smiled and laid her head on Ruby’s shoulder as they drove back to the city…

28 October 2000, Boston  
(Day 81)  
The club was packed to the roof. Ruby had told Emma it was a sorority party, apparently Ruby had adjoined one. Emma didn’t see any familiar faces, realizing she had been out of college life to long. Ruby led her to a group of girls and introduced Emma. Emma shook hands and tried to remember the names. She looked around and was relieved to see that this wasn’t her favorite club, so the chance was much smaller she would run into Neal or any of the others. She followed Ruby and her friends to the dance floor, enjoying the sweet beats. The DJ was a good one, she hardly noticed the transitions between the songs. It felt good to just dance and have fun without needing the white powder. Of course, she felt the urge stronger than she had in months. But she knew she was stronger than this and even if she wanted to give in, her normal supplier wasn’t here. That knowledge alone gave her the courage to just go with it and have fun.

“Having fun?” Ruby blared in her ear.

“Oh yeah! Remind me to join a sorority too,” she winked, motioning to the ladies dancing around her.

Ruby laughed. “You haven’t changed a bit, I see,” she smirked.

“Why would I?” Emma smirked back, wiggling her eyebrows.

Suddenly she recognized a familiar face, a face she wouldn’t have expected to see around her. “I’ll be right back,” she blared to Ruby, motioning to the booths next to the dancefloor.

Ruby nodded, a frown laid on her face. Emma decided to let it go and waved her way through the crowds. She walked to the booth and sat down, smiling at the woman already sitting there.

“Hey you,” she said.

Mulan, the woman in question, looked up surprised. “Emma, hey. You’re out?” she asked, referring to the clinic.

“Just for the weekend,” Emma said smiling.

“Brave of you to go clubbing straight away,” Mulan remarked.

Emma shrugged. “Short pain. And I wanted, no needed, to know if I can handle it.”

“And?”

“Until now, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Good,” Mulan said smiling softly.

“Are you a part of the sorority too?” Emma asked, motioning to the dance crowd.

“No, but a friend of mine invited me.”

Emma nodded and scanned the crowd for Ruby. Emma found her, grinding against some girl. She frowned and wondered if Belle knew. Probably not, Emma deducted. She noted she would ask Ruby about it later, perhaps she and Belle had broken up. A hand in front of her eyes made her look up.

“Hai.” Emma’s eyes went big as she recognized Neal. He grinned broadly at her. “Where have you been?” he asked.

“Away,” Emma replied shortly.

“I’ve noticed. Where to?” he pushed further. “You know what, never mind. I’ve got something for you.”

Without bothering looking at Mulan, he pulled her out of the booth. Emma looked helplessly at Mulan as Neal dragged her to the bathroom.

“Neal, don’t. Please,” she pleaded as she struggled to get away from his grip.

“Come on, don’t be a pussy,” he said as he pushed her in the bathroom.

Out of his pocket he grabbed a small bag with white powder in it. As if it was a magnet, Emma’s eyes went to it. Her mouth went dry and her body screamed for the stuff. She almost could feel the buzz it would give her, the peace of mind she so much needed. She swallowed thickly as Neal shook a bit of the powder on the counter and she felt her feet were already moving towards it. Neal looked up grinning and motioned to the white powder.

“I know you want it,” he coaxed in her ear.

Emma bowed down towards it as she closed her eyes. Her body screamed for the familiar feeling the coke would give her and without giving it another thought, she snorted the line. The powder stung her nose and suddenly Ruby’s face appeared before her eyes.

“I believe you.”

“No,” she mumbled as she stumbled away from it. She couldn’t do this, not when she had come all this way. She needed to keep the goal in her mind, the goal of graduating and doing the best job in the world. “No!” she screamed as she sprinted out of the bathroom.

She raced through the crowd, in the corner of her eyes she saw Mulan stand up worried. She waved through the crowd, searching for Ruby. Finally she saw the streak of red hair and blindly she grabbed an arm. Ruby looked up startled by the bewildered look on Emma’s face.

“Emma, what is it?” she asked, ignoring her friends and grabbing Emma’s shoulders to steady her.

“We need to go. Now,” Emma said panicked.

“Okay, okay.”

Ruby led Emma out of the crowd towards the exit. She picked up their coats and led Emma outside. Outside Emma inhaled deeply, her eyes closed. She forced her body to not react to the drugs in her veins, but she knew it would be in vain.

“Emma, what’s going on?” Ruby asked urgently as she draped Emma’s coat around her shoulders.

“I need you to bring me back,” Emma said, not wanting to tell Ruby what she had done.

“Why? What happened in there?” Ruby asked again, not making sense of what Emma wanted.

Emma closed her eyes, her jaw clenched. She already started to feel the effects of the coke in her system. “I… I used.”


	7. Both

1 November 2000, Somalia  
Regina stepped out of her barrack, stretching out her limbs. She had arrived in Mogadishu a couple of days ago and had been almost immediately relocated to a compound near the capital city. Luckily, she wasn’t the only woman on the compound. There was Mal Greene, who was a corporal as well, she was a part of the medical team. Regina had been placed in the sniper unit, because of her reputation as an excellent rifleman. This meant she would be send out on patrols, to discover and intercept terrorist cells, their mission was to keep the peace in this troubled country. As Regina had understood it correctly, she was the first woman to be on this unit. It made her feel very proud and she wished she could tell her mother. Thanks to Emma, she at least could tell Zelena. She hadn’t received a letter back from Zelena yet, but she knew the mail was slow here in Somalia. She still had to write Emma back, but these past days had been so busy, she hadn’t found the time. Maybe tonight after her shift, she figured. She made her way through the compound to the largest tent set up in the middle which served as the kitchen to get some breakfast. Jefferson, one of her unit was already preparing breakfast as she entered the kitchen.

“Good morning,” she greeted him as she grabbed some cereal and milk.

“Morning,” he greeted her back.

Jefferson was the second in command of the sniper unit, he didn’t seem to particularly like her. She didn’t know if it was because she was a woman or because she was excellent at what she did. Perhaps it was both, she mused as she sat down. She started eating her cereal as she watched Jefferson move around the kitchen. She noticed Jefferson had a bit of a mean streak in him, making him a man to be reckoned with.

“Good morning, Mills. How did you sleep the first night?” Regina looked up, finding Mal standing next to her with a tray of food. “Is this seat taken?”

“No, please. Have a seat,” Regina smiled and watched Mal sit down. “I did sleep well, ma’am” she answered the first question.

“Please, as I told you last night, as long as we’re not on shift, call me Mal,” the woman across her smiled.

“Sorry.”

“The first nights are always the roughest,” Mal mused as she took a sip of her black coffee.

“I’ve never had a problem with it, I can sleep anywhere,” Regina said thoughtfully.

“Hmmm, that’s a good trade, I suppose. I always need to get acclimatized.” Silence fell between them, Regina felt a bit uncomfortable. The woman before her radiated authority and power and she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with that. During her training she had been thought to be submissive to anyone above your rank and Mal was certainly above her rank. Mal however was speaking to her like a normal person, not like any of her drill instructors or combat instructors. “So, how did you end up in at the Marines?” Mal asked, breaking the silence.

Regina chuckled lightly as she thought how this all had started. “I got busted while trying to get graffiti on a house. The court gave me a choice: the Marines or juvenile detention. So I choose the Marines, much to my mother's chagrin. She threw me out and forbade any contact with her or my sister,” Regina summarized.

“I’m sorry to hear that. So you don’t have any contact at all with your family?” Mal asked.

“Well, my sister is writing me, without my mother knowing. I’ve been writing with this woman, Emma and she is kind enough to send my letters through so my mother doesn’t get suspicious,” Regina explained, smiling lightly.

“Clever. And Emma is a friend of yours?”

“Not really. She started writing me through a website for lonely soldiers. My drill instructor had put my name up. But Emma and I are getting closer, I think,” Regina mused as she finished her cereal.

“Good for you. You need a friend during your tour,” Mal advised.

“Yeah, my drill instructor said the same thing. At the time I didn’t agree with him, but now that I’ve been deployed, I enjoy writing her and reading her letters,” Regina admitted.

Mal smiled and they ate in silence. The tent had filled with people around them and the chatter grew in volume the more people came in. Suddenly a man approached their table with hasty steps.

“Corporal Greene, you are needed in medical,” the man said urgently.

“Thank you, private. Private Mills, it was a pleasure,” she said as she stood up.

“Likewise, sergeant,” Regina replied, falling into the submissive role immediately.

She watched as Mal walked out of the tent with the young private. She had heard rumors of Corporal Greene, that she was a drag to work with and that she was a hard-ass on everyone under her command. Of course, Regina hadn’t had the pleasure of working under her, but the sergeant had nothing but been kind to her ever since she arrived. Regina sighed and cleaned up her breakfast stuff and that of the sergeant. Her shift was about to start, she was on watch duty. Dumping the stuff in the designated area, Regina left the tent to get her gear to start her first shift here in Somalia…

1 November 2000, Boston  
(Day 4)  
Emma sat alone in her room. She hadn’t left the room ever since she had returned from her leave. Ruby had brought her back as she had begged. During the entire trip to the clinic she hadn’t said a word, trying to suppress the drugs. She had failed miserably and the days afterwards she had felt like crap. The withdrawal hadn’t been that bad this time, but mentally she was a mess. Ruby had told her she wasn’t mad at her, but Emma was mad at herself. How could she have been so weak? How could she have let Neal drag her into this again? She knew better! She knew how bad this stuff was. Once again she shook her head violently, slamming it against the wall. She deserved this pain, she deserved all of it. Behind her the door flew open and two petite arms wrapped around her. Emma’s eyes flew open and she started to lash out at the one holding her.

“Emma, calm down! Please!” a soft, almost crying voice sounded in her ears.

Emma could however not calm down. Blind panic had taken over and she was trying to get away from the arms that held her down. She swung and hit the person behind her. The arms fell away and Emma shot into the corner. She folded her legs up, she hid her face behind her knees.

“Leave me alone!” she screamed at her attacker.

“Emma, I’m only trying to help you!” the voice said, breaking at the last words.

“No, you’re not! You’re tricking me!” Emma yelled, throwing whatever lay next to her at the voice.

Luckily she missed and the person fled the room. Emma rocked herself to calmness, trying to quiet her mind. The visions had become ever so vivid since she used again and all she wanted to do was to stop these images. She scratched with her nails at her eyes, she needed to stop seeing these images, these horrible images. A sudden bark made her stop for a second and look around, but she saw no one. She clawed at her eyes again and felt she was drawing blood. Sudden hot breath on her arms and hands made her stop again and Pongo pushed his snout in her face and between her hands. As soon as she felt his fur, she started crying uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she wailed.

She didn’t noticed the two people standing in the doorway, it were Archie and Nurse Keaton.

“What are we going to do?” Nurse Keaton asked.

“Hoping for a miracle,” Archie replied as he watched the mess that was Emma…

8 November 2000, Somalia  
The heat was pressing down on her as she and her unit made their way through the desert. Intel had told them there was a terrorist cell active near the capital city and it was their job to scout the area and find said cell. Regina walked close behind staff sergeant Killian Jones. Staff Sergeant Jones was what they called a veteran, this was his fourth tour. He had done all four of them in Somalia, some of the men wondered if he had an affair with a Somalian beauty.  
Regina’s attention got pulled by Jefferson, who pointed at something. They had reached an oasis, surrounded by bushes Hidden in the bushes, was a small antenna. A wire was attached at the bottom and ran through the bushes. Jefferson motioned again and started following the wire. Regina kept a sharp eye on their surroundings, making sure they were not walking straight into an ambush. The wire snaked through the sand to a hut. Next to the hut stood a cell tower, it looked very worn down by the weather. Regina looked up at it, she had spotted the tower before. She thought it was out of order, looking at the state of it. The wire and the antenna however said otherwise. Jones motioned them to get down on the ground. A group of four men walked out of the hut, chatting and laughing with each other. Only one wasn’t participating in the chatting, he looked like he was the leader of the group. He was well muscled, a Kalashnikov swung on his back. His eyes seemed to try to penetrate the bushes, but he didn’t spot them. After a particular hard laugh from one of the younger guys, he growled something at them and ushered them in a 4x4 jeep. They got in and drove off. When Jones was sure the coast was clear, he pointed at a few of the unit to inspect the hut. Regina was one of them and with her rifle at the ready she ran, bend over, to the hut. She pressed her back against the wall next to the window and tried to peek inside. The windows however were closed off with wooden boards. She found a small peephole, but it was too dark to see anything. She looked up and saw the others weren’t having any luck either. She looked back at the window, a raid would be too dangerous without the knowledge if anyone was inside.

“Retreat, retreat!” Jones' hurried voice suddenly sounded through the radio.

Regina didn’t hesitate and ran back to the bushes. They were just in time, the jeep came back and the four man jumped out again. This time there was no chatter or laughing. Two of the men lifted a heavy looking black box out of the back of the jeep and carried it inside. They watched the men go back inside and the door closed behind them. Jones signed for them to retreat. Silently they made their way back to the compound. When they were back into the safety of the compound, they emptied their rifles and locked them inside a cabinet.

“Debriefing in five, guys,” Jones said.

Regina just nodded and strapped her vest loose.

“I wonder what was inside that box,” Jefferson said as he hung away his rifle.

Jefferson had arrived on the same day as Regina. She didn’t particular like him, he was too much of a macho. She didn’t like macho’s.

“I wonder how the hell they managed to make that cell tower work,” Regina replied. “It looked like it had been out of service for years.”

Jefferson shrugged. “I wondered that about a lot of things here. It really is a poor country.”

Regina nodded agreeing, she had spent some time in the capital city and she had seen things she didn’t think were possible anymore. Houses that were about to collapse, bad sewers, broken roads and the list had grown and grown the longer she had walked around there.

“Let’s go, sweetheart.”

Regina glared at him and walked to the tent where they would have their debriefing. She made sure she wasn’t seated nearby Jefferson, he had become more of a sexist each day.

“Alright, listen up. I’m not sure if we found the terrorist cell or just a part of it, but we did find something. I have put people on that cell tower to see if it is transmitting and if it is, what there is being transmitted. I will lead several scouting parties to the cell tower, we need more Intel. The most important thing we need to know now, is what was in that box. Perhaps we are dealing with pirates, which wouldn’t be that strange. I count on all of you to bring this down,” Jones spoke with a calm, but strict voice.

Everyone nodded and soon they were dismissed.

“O, how I wish I could have an ice cold beer,” Leroy ‘Shorty’ Sheppard complained.

“Me too, man. Me too. Accompanied with a hot girl,” Jefferson joked, glancing side eyes at Regina.

Regina just ignored it and dove into her tent. Emma had written back…

8 November 2000, Boston  
(Day 12)  
The room was closing in on her. Emma thought she was losing her mind slowly, time no longer had a meaning to her. She hadn’t left her room for days, maybe even weeks. She had no idea anymore how much time had passed. It was her idea of a punishment, just complete isolation. She thought she had driven Lily completely away from the friendship they had formed and she did regret it. She trusted Lily, almost as much as she trusted Ruby. But she figured Lily wouldn’t want have anything to do with her now. Archie had told her she had hit Lily when Lily had tried to prevent her from hurting herself. Emma hadn’t had the courage to go apologize yet. A knock on the door made her look up.

“Yes?”

Her voice sounded hoarse, she hadn’t spoken in days. The door opened and Archie entered with Pongo following him closely. Emma smiled and opened her arms to hug Pongo. Pongo jogged over to her and let her hug him. His tail wagged excitedly.

“Emma?” Emma looked up again at Archie, who had knelt down to be at eye height with the blonde. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“The same, I guess,” she replied weakly.

“Are you ready to come out yet?” he asked, he was worried about her.

She hadn’t eaten properly in days, nor had been concerned about her hygiene. She looked terribly pale and skinny.

“I… I don’t know. I fucked up,” she said as she started to cry.

Pongo immediately lapped up the salt tears. Emma chuckled at the feeling of his rough tongue on her skin, the tears stung where she had scratched open her skin.

“Emma, you did something no addict could have done. You stepped away after snorting one line. Any other person would have emptied that bag in minutes,” Archie said, his voice raised a little.

“But I did use and that’s bad,” Emma objected just as hard.

“You did and yes, it’s far from ideal, but as I said. You stepped away. That shows strength,” Archie once again said.

The blonde looked at him uncertain, not sure if she could believe him. “Maybe tomorrow,” she finally said.

Archie nodded, at least he got her to talk. He stood up and pulled a white envelope out of his pocket. “There’s mail for you. I think it’s your soldier,” he said as he handed her the letter.

“She’s not a soldier. She’s a Marine,” Emma replied not without proud as she accepted the letter.

Archie left, Pongo followed him after one last lick over Emma’s face. This time Emma giggled and hugged him before he jogged after Archie. Once she was alone again, she looked at the white envelope. She ripped it open and pulled out the letter. She unfolded it and started reading.

**_2 November 2000, Somalia_ **

**_Hi Emma, (see, no more miss Swan ;) )_ **

**_I’ve arrived at my designated destination. I can’t exactly tell you where I am, but I’m in Somalia. It’s so hot here, Emma. I really needed some time to acclimatize before I could do anything._ **   
**_The country could be beautiful, but the war has destroyed a lot. The people are really poor, it’s hard to describe what it’s like to be here. It certainly has changed my view on the world, this needs to stop._**

**_I want to thank you for helping me staying in contact with Zelena, it really means a lot to me._ **

**_How are you doing? Have you enjoyed your leave? I was really glad to read it, it means you are doing great. If I counted right, you’re about to get released from the clinic for good, right?_ **   
**_I hope studying is going well and that you’ll catch up soon._**

**_I have to go now, I have a night shift._ **

**_Take care._ **

**_With love, Regina_ **

Emma read the letter with tears in her eyes. Regina thought the world of her and she completely fucked up. She was no way near being released, not after her latest mishap. She swallowed thickly, the lump in her throat didn’t seem to go away. This time she didn’t hold back anymore and let her tears go. She didn’t notice the door opened slowly and someone entered. It was only when two arms pulled her into a hug, she realized she wasn’t alone. She opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times to clear her blurry vision.

“Ruby?”

~~~

Evening had set in. She had a really long talk with Ruby, who eventually had convinced her she had punished herself enough. Ruby had told her she had locked herself up for almost two weeks. When Ruby had finally left, Emma had dared to leave her room and go to the recreation room. Lily hadn’t been there, one of the others had told her she was in session with Archie. Emma had just sat there, not really interacting with anyone. She had hoped Lily would show up after her session, but she hadn’t showed.  
But now she was still sitting here, almost in the dark. Nurse Keaton had left her alone, she had been so happy Emma finally had left her room. Emma stared at the empty white page in front of her. She was supposed to write Regina back, but she had no idea where to start.

_8 November_

_Hi Regina,_

_I’m glad to hear you arrived safely at your destination. I suppose you can’t tell anything about your mission? It’s okay if you can’t, it keeps you all the more mysterious ;)_

_I’m glad I can be of help for you and your sister. She is truly adorable, by the way!_

_To be honest, my leave didn’t go so well. My friend Ruby had this party and I joined her. At first it was really nice and fun. But then someone from my past showed up and everything went to shit. (Sorry for swearing!)_  
_He had some stuff with him and I got tempted. I used again. It was only one line, but still. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I was so afraid I would go back to being an addict and I just couldn’t bear the thought._

_Today is the first day in almost two weeks I left my room. It feels weird and I know this is a drug free zone, I’m still scared._

_Emma snorted, tears had started to fall again. The fear had rooted so deep. She saw a few tears had landed on the paper and blurred the letters. She dried to wipe it dry, but made it only worse._

_I can’t even write a proper letter, sorry._

_Ruby said I need to forgive myself, but I don’t know if I can. I do want to try, I still want to reach my goal…_

_As always, be careful out there!_

_With love, Emma_  
_PS: Zelena’s letter is included!_

Emma frowned as she ended the letter with those words. Regina had ended her letter with them as well, she realized. She smirked, the private was melting. Emma ripped the page carefully from the block and folded it.

“So, the insomnia club still exists?”

Emma turned around and found Lily standing behind her, a small smile on her face.

“Lily.”

11 November 2000, Somalia  
The air was dry and hot out here in the desert. Regina lay on her stomach in the bushes, her rifle at the ready. Over the past week they had gathered enough Intel on the four men. They had been able to intercept the transmissions and found out the four in the hut were a part of pirates. They were responsible for weaponry, food and logistics via land. They had picked today to round the four up because the Navy would go after the pirates after their tip.  
Finally, after what seemed hours, Jones gave the sign to surround the hut and force their way in. Regina and Jefferson would stay behind to catch anyone who broke free. Regina watched as Jones led the unit to the hut and entered. A lot of shouting followed, shots were fired and suddenly one of the younger men ran out. Regina aimed and fired without hesitating. She shot him in the upper leg, she knew they needed him alive.

“Dammit, I had him!” Jefferson swore.

“I was quicker,” Regina replied irritated.

Soon enough Jones came outside, holding the leader hostage. The other two were captured as well and were thrown in the back of a Humvee. Regina stood up and jogged over to the man she shot down.

“Who shot him?” Jones questioned, looking at them both.

“I did,” Jefferson answered.

Regina looked at him with her mouth dropped open.

“Well done, Jefferson. Mills, get him in the Humvee,” Jones said as he addressed Regina.

“Sir, yes sir,” Regina replied and bent down to pick the groaning man up.

“Need a hand, princess?” Jefferson smirked mockingly.

“I’m good, thanks.”

With what looked like ease, Regina lifted the man up and carried him to the Humvee. She laid him on the backseat and climbed in as well. From underneath the seat she grabbed a first aid kit and started bandage the man’s leg.

“You’re going to be fine,” she said in Arabic.

During her training she had taken some lessons in Arabic. The man only nodded, his face contorted with pain. The ride back was short and as soon as they had reached the compound, the doors of the Humvee were opened and two man from the medical team were waiting for them. Regina looked up and saw Mal standing in the doorway of the tent. For a moment they locked eyes, Mal’s eyes were hardened. Still she gave Regina a small smile and a nod as she saw the bandaged leg.

“Mills, move your ass,” Jones called.

Regina jumped out of the Humvee and went to clean her rifle. She shot angry looks at Jefferson who was bragging about shooting the Somalian man. She shook her head as she placed her rifle in lock up and was about to walk away as Jefferson grabbed her arm.

“Mills was there too. You tell him how he went down,” he said excitedly.

Regina just shot him a deathly glare, pulling her arm free. She was much stronger than he had anticipated and let go. “Whatever, Jefferson,” she snarled and walked off.

“What’s with you? Are you having your period, princess?” he mocked her. “Women don’t belong in the Corps, they are too unpredictable when they’re on their periods,” he mocked as he turned to the other men, electing a thundering laugh among them.

Regina was about to turn around and floor him, as a flash of blond hair swooped in. She got pulled away from the boys and got thrown into a random tent, which was conveniently free.

“Don’t react.”

Regina looked up and saw it was Mal who had pulled her away. “I could have handled him,” she said angrily.

“Yeah? You would wrestle him to the ground? And then? Who do you think got reprimanded? Not him, Regina. You,” Mal said as she stepped closer.

“But he started it!” Regina protested. “I shot that man, he didn’t!”

“That doesn’t matter. You are the weakest link here,” Mal said, her voice tired.

“Because I’m a woman?” Regina spat. “That’s bullshit.”

“I agree, but this is a men’s world. You got to accept that and fast. I’m sorry, Regina, but that’s how it is.” Regina just looked at Mal, realizing the woman was right. “You don’t want to get fired over this, sweetie. Take my advice, keep your head down.”

Regina nodded. “Thanks, Mal.”

“Anytime, kiddo.”

Mal was about to leave the tent as Regina spoke up. “How is that man doing?”

Mal turned to face Regina. “He’ll be fine.”

A smile appeared on Regina’s face and Mal left the tent, leaving Regina alone with her thoughts.

22 November 2000, Boston  
(Day 22)  
Yoga class had ended, Emma was rolling up her mat as Mulan approached her. Emma looked up at smiled at the woman.

“Hey.”

“Hi. How are you?” Mulan asked she knelt down.

“I’ve been better, but I’ll be fine.” Mulan smiled softly and looked at the ground. “Something bothering you?” Emma frowned.

Mulan looked back up. “Not exactly bothering. Just, worried about you I guess.”

“That’s sweet. Look, I’m sorry I scared you at the club. That wasn’t my intention. It just.... All of it was too much and I panicked after…”

A hand on her arm made her stop rambling. For a moment she looked at the hand, as if it would set on fire or something. She realized she had been holding her breath as she exhaled. She was fine. No one was attacking her, Mulan’s just being sweet.

“It’s okay, I get it. I’m glad to have you back in my class. Really. And I hope we can hang out sometimes, after you’re done here,” she offered.

Emma’s face lit up. “Me too.”

Footsteps approached the couple and both looked up to find Nurse Keaton standing in the middle of the gym.

“Emma? You have a phone call,” she said.

“Okay, I’ll be right there,” Emma replied, already back focusing on Mulan.

“You better hurry. It is long distance and the connection is bad,” Nurse Keaton warned as she left the gym.

Emma frowned, who would be calling her from overseas? Suddenly she had an idea and excitement overtook her. She stood up and handed Mulan the mat. “I’ll see you around,” she said as she sprinted out of the gym.

She stormed into the office and picked up the phone. “Hello?”

“Emma? Is that you?” a female voice asked.

Emma’s heart hammered in her chest. “Yes. Regina?”

“Yes. Sorry to bother you,” Regina replied after a few seconds of silence.

“You’re no bother at all. It’s so weird to talk to you finally. I mean, over the phone,” Emma rambled.

Again a few seconds silence, then she heard Regina chuckle. “It is, isn’t it? Look, I got to keep this short, so I’m going to ask straight away. Is it okay if I visit you in a couple of days? I’m coming home for a few days,” Regina asked, Emma could hear the doubt in her voice.

“Of course! You are more than welcome!” Emma replied excitedly.

“Great! I’ll be visiting on the 25th, okay?” Regina asked.

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“I’ve got to go now. I’ll let you know what time I’ll be there.”

There was a lot of noise on the line and Emma had a hard time understanding Regina. “Okay. Be safe okay?” she asked.

“Always.”

The line went dead after that and Emma hung up. She had spoken with the woman she had been writing for four months and in a couple of days they would meet. And again Emma did a little dance of joy, Nurse Keaton observed it smiling…

23 November 2000, Somalia  
It was in the early morning, Regina was packing her duffel bag. She had been allowed to go back home for a couple of days after not even a month of deployment. It was unusual, but familiar situations were an exception. Last night staff sergeant Jones had called her in and told her headquarters had called him about her sister Zelena. Zelena was sick, very sick. So, she was allowed to visit and just be with her. She wondered if her mother would let her near her sister, but she had to try. There was also the possibility to visit Emma. The last letter she had received from Emma had worried her and now she had the chance to support the woman. It was weird, she had never met Emma and they had only been writing for four months, she felt a bond with the woman. Regina zipped her duffel bag close and walked outside. She had one last shift and then she would fly to Egypt and from there she would fly straight to New York. She smiled, she had missed the city. Regina joined her unit and grabbed her rifle. Jefferson had been mocking her these past days, but as she didn’t react to any of it, he had retreat to be a downright asshole.

“O, look who decided to join us. The princess on the pea,” he sneered.

Regina just ignored him, fixed her rifle and walked to the Humvee. They would patrol around the city, there were reports of some troubled movements. Staff sergeant Jones exited his tents, a serious look on his face.

“Listen up! Our patrol has changed. There is an important negotiator from Kenya in the city and we are tasked to transport him to the border safely,” Jones spoke up. “We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

Regina felt the nervousness increase among her unit. She herself felt it too, this was serious. She knew they had to drive through a notorious area where rebel groups were located. She sighed deeply as she felt the adrenaline kick in.  
Soon enough they were on their way to the city. The pickup was easy enough, the man was waiting inside the city hall and got escorted to the Humvee. Strategically, he was seated in the middle Humvee, driven by Jones himself. Regina sat in the second one, keeping an eye out on the open road. The first few hours were a breeze and Regina felt the unit relax, she herself relaxed as well. She had been lucky, Jefferson sat in the first Humvee. The tension built up again as they reached the last part of their journey and the hardest. They would go straight through a section ruled by an infamous rebellion group. Regina gripped her rifle tighter as they progressed. The border was almost at arm's lengths as a group of men on horses and firing rifles caught up with them. The first Humvee came to a screeching halt, Regina’s Humvee almost collapsed on it. Regina didn’t hesitate and started firing out of the Humvee. The rebellions started to shoot back and hit the driver next to Regina. Regina looked at him with wide eyes and realized she had to get out of the Humvee. She crawled over the driver and jumped out. Luckily, there were no rebels yet on this side. She looked aside and saw Gold was firing at the rebels. On the other side she saw Jefferson sitting on the ground, leaning against the back wheel. He was bleeding and had no one to defend him. Regina gritted her teeth, dared a look over the hood and made a mad dash to Jefferson. She made it safely to the other car.

“Jefferson, look at me!” she screamed.

Jefferson hardly reacted, he moaned softly. Regina saw he was shot in his belly, his arm and he had a gaping wound just under his ear. She pressed hard against it, which made him moan harder. With her free hand she grabbed her radio.

“Mayday, mayday. Man down, man down!”

An immense air pressure hit her and Jefferson. She slammed against the ground, Jefferson landed on top of her. Next thing she heard was a loud explosion, one of the Humvees had been blown up. She had no idea which one, nor did she knew where the rebels were. All she knew was that she needed to get Jefferson to safety. Another explosion hit her ears, the pressure ever so hard. She couldn’t move and panic started to take over as debris of metal and something burning fell down on her…

25 November 2000, Boston  
(Day 25)  
Emma had been anxious all day, but good anxious. Finally she would meet the woman she had been writing to for the past months, the woman who didn’t even know her and yet had supported her. She had been too excited to seriously partake in the activities that day. Lily had tried to distract her with videogames and silly questions, but finally visiting hours were there. She had found it a bit odd Regina hadn’t called her to agree upon a time, but perhaps she hadn’t been able to get to a phone. Emma stood anxiously behind the entrance door. Visitors after visitors arrived until there were no more people showing up. Perhaps she was stuck in traffic, Emma thought and wished she could contact the woman. Quarter past seven and Regina hadn’t showed up. Nurse Keaton had checked up on her and told her no one had called. Emma was starting to worry now, it was almost half past seven, which meant visiting hour was almost done. Quarter to eight and there was still no Regina. Emma was on the brink of insanity, worried out of her mind. She paced the hall, trying to come up with an explanation. Perhaps the plane was delayed and Regina couldn’t make it here in time. But then she would have called, right? What if something happened in Somalia before she could step on the plane? Emma shook her head, she didn’t want to think about that. It was almost eight and visitors were leaving slowly. Time past and at nine o’clock, Nurse Keaton approached Emma, who had sunken to the ground against the wall. She was still staring outside, where darkness had set in.

Regina hadn’t shown up...


	8. Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The muse has returned! I'm really sorry for the long delay, but I'm back. This chapter was intense to write and I'm really curious to what you guys think about it!  
> Thanks to my beta LiveLaughWrite, who struggled through all my mistakes, grammatical issues and just plain stupid sentences. Thanks, sweetie!  
> If you want to talk or see how I'm doing with the writing, you can find me on tumblr as the-lone-writer  
> Without further due, here's the new chapter!

28th november 2000, Boston

(Day 28)

The days at rehab had been long. After the disastrous night Emma had became introvert, not even Lily or Ruby had been able to reach her. Emma had followed the program as desired, but nothing more. She had dropped the yoga lessons, much to Mulan’s chagrin. The woman had tried to convince Emma to come back, but Emma refused profusely. Hardly anyone was aware of the reason why Emma had turned silent, only Archie and nurse Keaton knew. She had racked her brain for the reason why Regina hadn’t shown, varying from being stuck in traffic to something she didn’t even want to think of. Still her mind kept coming back to that, why else wouldn’t the woman get in contact with her or show up another day? What other reason could there be for Regina to not show up or give a sign of life? It was driving her crazy and wasn’t do any good for her recovery. The craving for that white powder was ever so strong and she had found herself more than once contemplating to just pack her things and leave the clinic. One of the reasons she hadn’t done this was that she didn’t want to disappoint Regina if she was still alive. She had to believe the private was still alive, she didn’t want to lose the woman who helped her through her hardest moments. She knew they hardly know each other and yet Emma felt like she owned it to Regina to get and stay clean for real. A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Yes?”

The door opened and Mulan appeared in the doorway. Emma sighed and shook her head. “Mulan...” she started.

“I’m not here to convince you, I got the message. I’m here to help you study,” she said as she entered the room.

“Why bother? It would be a miracle if the university would let me come back,” Emma replied with a depressed voice.

“Not if you keep up with the books, it shows them you care,” Mulan said, trying to sound upbeat.

“Who says I do?” Emma stubbornly looked up at Mulan.

Mulan sighed, she didn’t like this side of Emma and she wished she knew what happened to make this side surface. “I do. You still want to be a zookeeper, right?” she asked instead.

The blonde shrugged. “I suppose.”

That was the other reason why she hadn’t run away yet. The university wouldn’t let her come back if she was still using and she would never achieve her goal. That didn’t mean she felt like studying right now.

“What do you want to do first?” Mulan asked, looking at the sloppy pile on Emma’s desk.

Emma looked at the pile as  well. “I don’t know. Biology?”

Mulan nodded and grabbed the books. “Okay. Do you want to study here?”

“Sure, why not,” Emma shrugged and sat down on the ground with her back against her bed.

Mulan looked at the blonde as  she sat down as well. She watched the slumped shoulders, the empty eyes and the blonde straggly hair. Within the span of a few days, something had happened to Emma and she was determined to find out what it was. Emma looked up and caught her eye.

“What?” she asked frowning.

“Nothing,” Mulan replied quickly.

To occupy herself she grabbed her own studies, existing out of reading three chapters on Plato’s Complete Works. She loved her major, the amount of reading not so much. As she peaked over her book, she saw Emma was taking some notes and was glad she was hitting the books. Mulan couldn’t help but wonder what had shaken the girl so badly. She thought back at what happened at the club, but that wasn’t it. After the disastrous night, Emma had returned here and had still attended the yoga classes. And then, last week out of the blue she quitted, so something else must have happened. Mulan sighed, she knew she had to have patience, but it was hard when all she wanted to do was help.

“Hard chapter?” Emma asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Mwah, boring is more like it,” Mulan replied jokingly.

Emma nodded, glanced at the cover of Mulan’s book and went back to her own book. Mulan tried to focus on what she was reading, but after reading the same sentence five times, she gave up.

“What happened to you?” she blurted out and slapped her hand before her mouth. Did she really say that?

Slowly Emma looked up, her eyes seemed hollow. “Nothing,” she said with a cold voice.

“I don’t believe you. Something happened and left you like this,” Mulan pushed on.

“Like what?” Emma’s eyes had turned darker with anger.

“Like there’s only a shell left of who you were. You’re like a robot, doing the things you need to do and nothing more. You talk to no one and push everyone away from you. It’s like the fire inside you has died or something,” Mulan started to rant. “This isn’t like you,” she ended softer.

“And how would  you know? You’ve known me for what, like five minutes? You don’t get to judge and certainly not to ask what’s wrong with me. I’m a drug addict, what do you think is wrong?” Emma spat. “Just leave me alone.”

Mulan shook her head and crossed her arms. “I’m not leaving Emma, not until you tell me what happened,” she said firm.

“Fine.”

Emma stood up and stalked out of the room.

“Seriously, Emma? Walking away? How old are you, five?” Mulan called after her.

“Leave me alone!” Emma yelled back.

Seething Emma stomped through the halls, not believing Mulan was being so pushy. She had liked the girl, even considered her a friend. Emma shook her head, there was no way Mulan would understand. She hardly understood it herself, why she was so upset about this. Perhaps it was because she had hoped Regina wouldn’t be like everyone else who left her. She had felt a deeper connection to the woman and wanted to know if Regina felt the same way. Emma stopped walking as she stared at the empty gym in front of her. She knew Mulan was right, she was pushing everyone around her away, even sweet, innocent Lily. But she also knew that if she let them back in, they wanted to know what rattled her so badly and she was just not ready to tell. Not until she had figured out why she was so upset about Regina not showing up. She knew she wasn’t falling in love, how could she when they were only penpals? It wasn’t that, right? She slid against the wall to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. If she wasn’t falling in love then why was she feeling like this? A hand on her knee made her look up and she looked straight into Mulan’s eyes.

“Talk to me,” she pleaded.

Finally Emma broke down, tears flowed freely down her face and her entire body shook involuntarily. Immediately, Mulan wrapped her arms around the crying blonde.

“I can’t,” Emma’s voice sounded muffled. “Not yet.”

Mulan stroked her back soothingly. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

Emma just nodded and spontaneously she wrapped an arm around Mulan’s waist. She was right in calling Mulan a friend…

30th November 2000, Boston

(Day 30)

A week had almost passed and Emma hadn’t heard anything from Regina. She had tried to call Zelena, but the phone wasn’t answered. She was really starting to worry now, but she had no idea who to call about this. She knew the military wouldn’t give her an answer, because she’s not related to Regina. So all she could do was finish her treatment here at rehab. Hopefully Regina would give a sign of life eventually, if she was still alive. Emma shook her head, she must not think like that. And yet she couldn’t find another explanation of the sudden silence from the private. Something must have happened and it drove Emma crazy she didn’t know if Regina was okay. 

_ "Hello?” _

The sleepy voice on the other side of the line pulled Emma out of her thoughts. She was standing in a phone booth and had just dialed Ruby’s number.

“Hi, it’s me. Emma. Did I wake you?” she asked, already starting to feel guilty.

_ “No… Yes, but it’s okay. Are you alright?”  _ Ruby asked, Emma could hear the worry in her voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Emma tried to reassure her.

_ “Okay, good. Haven’t heard from you in a while.” _

Emma knew Ruby wasn’t accusing her for anything, but yet it stung. “Yeah, been busy here. They keep me busy with therapy and stuff,” she tried to joke.

Ruby chuckled lightly.  _ “That’s good.” _

Silence fell between them and Emma stared out of the window. Winter had set in and snow clouds were chasing through the sky. She suspected it would be snowing soon. She used to love this season, she loved the sight of snow, but now she couldn’t care less. Ruby clearing her throat pulled her back to their conversation.

“I was wondering… would you come and visit me?” Emma asked quietly. “I miss you,” she added softly.

_ “I miss you too, Em. And of course I’ll come and visit you. Just not today, I have to work until closing hours,” _ Ruby explained.

Emma nodded, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. “I understand. It’s fine.”

_ “How about tomorrow? I have a day off,”  _ Ruby offered friendly.

The blonde smiled slightly, so Ruby wasn’t sick and tired of her. “Yeah, that would be great. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

_ “See you tomorrow, Ems.” _

A dry click sounded and the line was disconnected. Feeling slightly better, Emma hung the phone back on the hook and made her way to her room. Halfway to her room she glanced into Lily’s room and saw the girl sitting on her bed. Curious Emma walked into the room and knelt before the girl. Lily looked up startled.

“Emma.”

Emma grimaced at the scared tone in Lily’s voice. “I’m not here to hurt you,” she sighed. “I never meant to hurt you. I…. I’m so sorry,” she added ashamed.

“What happened to you?” Lily asked urgently.

Emma sighed and let her head hung down. She knew Lily would ask and she had every right to ask. “Just… stuff. I know it was wrong to push you away, but I just didn’t want to talk about it. I still don’t want too,” Emma finally said.

“Does it have anything to do with the letters you’re not receiving anymore?”

Startled, Emma stood up and looked down at Lily. Lily was staring back at her with a little hint of fear in her eyes. She knew Emma could be aggressive at times.

“How… what do you mean?” Emma tried to deny.

Lily stood up as well and grabbed Emma’s hand. “I’ve seen you receive those letters and light up like a christmas tree. You haven’t received them in a while,” she clarified.

Emma swallowed thickly, the world seemed to start spinning around her. Lily was right, she missed getting those letters and she missed writing back. But she could never tell that wasn’t all there was, Regina never showed and she was worried sick for a woman she never met. That’s insane, right? Wasn’t stuff like this cause to lock her up permanently? She felt Lily’s grip tighten around her arm and felt she was guided towards the bed.

“Emma! Please, listen. I’m sorry,” Lily pleaded.

Emma wanted to look up, to reassure Lily she was fine, but she was anything but. The hole in her chest seemed to grow the longer Regina didn’t give a sign of life and it was eating her up. Somewhere down the line in those four months she developed some sort of feelings, she didn’t know how deep, and she had no idea if Regina felt the same. Perhaps Regina was only writing her out of pity and never intended to visit her anyway. Perhaps Regina didn’t want to write her anymore after she failed to stay clean and that she didn’t visit was because of that. Emma felt the hole grow as realisation hit her. Regina didn’t want to know her. The world started spinning faster and her ears started to buzz. She held onto Lily’s arm like it was an anchor to keep her grounded. She really didn’t know another reason for Regina’s silence and she hated herself for falling for that trap. She should have known, she just isn’t worth of anyone’s attention. Vaguely she heard her name being called but she ignored it. She was way too deep into it now. Why was she so foolish to believe anyone cared for her? Regina probably had better things to do in Somalia. Regina probably never meant to come and visit. And yet somewhere in the back of her mind a small voice reminded her how Regina’s voice has sounded on the phone, so friendly and sincere. She was probably just a good actress, the other, way louder, voice commented. Emma nodded, that had to be it. Regina was just playing a cruel game with her. She was just worthless, like all her foster families had told her and probably what her real parents must have thought of her. A sudden wet, rough tongue lapped at her cheek and Emma became aware of a warm, hairy body pressed against hers. Pongo, she thought and she let go of Lily’s wrist. She hugged Pongo and tears fell down freely into his pelt. The voice in her head faded away, leaving raw open wounds in her chest. She felt so hollow, empty. An arm was wrapped around her and she looked up. She met the friendly eyes of Mulan and she swallow thickly. Why was Mulan here? It wasn’t yoga day and they hadn’t planned a study date as far as she knew.

“Mulan?” she asked hoarsely.

“I’m here. Where did you go?” she asked.

As Emma stared into those chocolate brown eyes she knew she couldn’t hold in longer. She knew that if she tried, the voices in her head would only grow louder and she didn’t know what would happen if they win.

“I suck,” she managed to get out. “I’m worthless and nobody cares I’m in here.”

Her inner dam broke and she cried harrowingly as she buried herself into Pongo’s pelt. Mulan stared at the crying girl with a shocked look on her face.

“That’s not true, Emma. Who gave you that idea?” she asked.

For minutes Emma didn’t react and Mulan was scared the blonde had been pulled back into another panic attack. “Re...Regina,” Emma finally choked out.

“Who is Regina?” Mulan asked confused.

“Regina is the soldier Emma has been writing these past months,” Archie said from the doorway, he had followed Pongo into Lily’s room.

“And she never showed!” Emma suddenly exclaimed, scaring Pongo away from her. She jumped to her feet and turned her back towards her friends. Pongo pushed his snout against her hand. “She was supposed to visit me and she didn’t show. She probably never meant to anyway. Who would want to visit me? Even Ruby is backing out,” she said angrily. “I’ll come and visit you tomorrow,” she mimicked Ruby’s voice in a childish way. “Tomorrow she’ll probably call with some bullshit excuse,” she added.

The silence behind her is deafening as nobody gave an answer. ‘See, nobody cares,’ the voice in her head said. She turned around and found a wide eyed Lily, a sorrowful looking Mulan and a sympathetic Archie.

“I’m sure Regina intended to visit you, something must have come up. You know what’s it like in the army, something comes up all the time,” Archie tried to relativize for Emma.

“Marines,” she murmured. “Why hasn’t she written back then? Or called?” Emma added exclaiming.

Archie shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe she isn’t in a position to be able to get in contact,” he answered.

Emma shook her head and turned away. “I’m just not worthy,” she mumbled.

Mulan was next to her within seconds. “Emma, that’s not true! You are worthy. You are my friend. Please, stop beating yourself up,” she urged.

She hated seeing Emma like this and was determined to show the blonde she was worth it.

“You’re just saying that out of pity,” Emma replied.

“You don’t believe that, Emma. I’m here for you and so is Lily,” Mulan objected.

“Hell yeah. Ems, without you I would’ve gone insane. Without the insomniac club I probably would still be an insomniac,” Lily mangled into the conversation.

The mention of the insomniac club made Emma smile. “Why are you caring? I’m nothing special,” Emma kept stubbornly insisting.

“Would I have been here on my day off if I did think you’re nothing special? Emma, you are so strong. Ruby told me about that night in the club and I’m flabbergasted about your strength to resist the one thing you crave so much! I wouldn’t have been able to do that, hell I would’ve snorted the entire bag in one go!” Mulan exclaimed.

Emma’s eyes narrowed. “You talked to Ruby?”

“Yes, because she’s worried.”

“You see, Emma? You’re not worthless, we care about you,” Lily said softly.

Finally Emma turned around to face the three people in the room, her eyes were filled with tears. “I don’t deserve it,” she whispered.

“You do, Ems, you do,” Mulan replied, she was close to crying as well.

Emma shook her head, tears were running down her cheeks. “No, I don’t.”

Lily was the first one to wrap Emma into a bearhug, Mulan followed quickly. Archie observed them smiling, he was confident Emma would be fine with two friends around her. He whistled and Pongo followed him out of the room, the two girls engulfing Emma into their hug.

1st December 2000, Boston

(Day 31)

The panic attack from the previous night had exhausted Emma. It had ripped open new wounds and feelings and she could still feel them. She knew she had to get through this without the white powder, but it would be so easy to take something now. Just a quick fix for her pain, to just forget everything for a while. She shook her head, she was stronger. She knew she was stronger. After the panic attack had settled, she, Mulan and Lily had talked all night. She had asked why Lily was still here, her 90 days were up. Lily had told her she hadn’t felt she was ready for the big, scary world and had worked with Archie to get ready. She also told she was being discharged today. Emma was happy for her, but was sad to see her friend go. If she could keep this up, she would be discharged next month and Emma actually looked forward to it. 

About Regina she was still unsure. Mulan and Lily hadn’t been able to convince her that Regina wasn’t playing a cruel game with her. Deep down she knew Regina had been honest with her, but that one little voice kept nagging in the back of her mind. She knew it would keep nagging until she heard something from Regina. 

“Emma!”

Emma looked up and saw a smiling Ruby running towards her. Emma grinned and spread her arms to welcome Ruby with a hug. She had missed hugging Ruby.

“You look good,” Ruby commented as they made their way to the common room to sit down and talk.

“Thanks, you too. Have you started your internship yet?” Emma asked as she poured a cup of coffee for Ruby.

“Yes, I started two weeks ago. It’s hard work, but worth it,” Ruby told enthusiastically.

“That’s good to hear,” Emma smiled, trying not to feel jealous.

“How have you been?” Ruby asked curious.

Emma shrugged. “Still having panic attacks, I’m working with Archie to find ways to get out of them myself,” she finally told.

“Good. You’re going to get through this, I believe in you.”

“Thanks,” Emma smiled.

Silence fell between them, Emma fiddled with a plastic spoon. She missed the connection with Ruby. Before all of this, they always had something to talk about.

“So, how is Belle?” Emma asked.

Ruby choked on her coffee and after a coughing fit she looked up at Emma. “Good,” she lied.

Emma raised her eyebrow at the lie, Ruby never had lied to her. “Really? Then why were you so cosy dancing with other girls at the club?” she questioned.

Ruby placed the plastic mug on the table and looked up defiantly at Emma. “So, you saw that, huh?” Emma just nodded, waiting for an explanation. “Well, Belle and I broke up.  I cheated on her,” Ruby said it like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“What? When? Who? Why?” Emma exclaimed, she never expected this.

“Couple of months ago. Things were already bad between us, the love was gone or something. I cheated with some random girl from the society, I don’t even know her name anymore,” Ruby said, her attitude careless.

Emma looked at her incredulous, this wasn’t the Ruby she knew. Ruby had become this entire different person and Emma blamed herself. She hadn’t been there for Ruby when she needed her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Emma asked, pushing away these guilty feelings.

Ruby sighed. “Why should I?”

“Because I’m your friend,” Emma replied incredulous.

Ruby shook her head. “You’re a drug addict. Who are you to judge me over a broken relationship?” she threw at Emma.

Emma’s mouth dropped open. This wasn’t definitely not the Ruby she knew. “I’m not judging, Ruby. I hardly recognize you,” she said softly. “And thanks for the reminder,” she added a bit pissed off.

This seemed to startle Ruby a bit. She placed her hands on the table and bowed over to Emma. “Look, don’t worry okay? I’m fine. I’m single and I’m not doing anything stupid,” she said, trying to assure Emma.

“If you say so.”

“Yes. You have to trust me,” Ruby said seriously.

“I’ll try,” Emma replied. “But when I get back, we’re going to have a serious conversation,” she added with a stern voice.

Ruby chuckled and nodded. “Okay. I’ve got to go, visiting hour is over. Hang in there, okay? And if you need me, call.”

“I will. I’ll see you soon,” Emma said as she stood up.

“See you soon.”

They hugged and Ruby left the common room. Emma knew Ruby was lying, but for now she let it go. She would talk to Ruby when she was better. She left the common room as well, ready to say goodbye to Lily. She found the girl in her room, all packed up.

“Are you nervous?” she asked from the doorway.

Lily looked up and smiled at the blonde. “A bit,” she admitted.

Emma smiled and walked into the room. She knelt before Lily and grabbed her hands. “You’ll do great out there. Have you found a sponsor?”

“Yes, a friend of mine,” she said.

“Good. And you can always call me as well,” Emma offered.

“I know. But first you got to get better, okay?” Lily said seriously.

“Okay,” Emma smirked.

“And when you get out of here, we’ll go grab some coffee,” Lily offered.

“Deal.”

A knock on the door made them look up, Nurse Keaton stood in the doorway. “Your cab is here,” she said.

Lily stood up, Emma followed her example. “Well, this is it,” Lily said.

“Yeah. You can do this.”

They hugged each other, Emma felt tears threatening to come out. She forced them back, she needed to be strong now. Lily let go and wiped away a tear.

“I’ll see you soon.”

She grabbed her bags and followed Nurse Keaton out of the facility. Emma followed them as far as she could and looked outside through the window. She watched as Lily walked outside, got a hug from Nurse Keaton and got into the cab. She waved at Emma and the blonde waved back. The door got slammed shut and the cab pulled out of the driveway. Emma looked after the cab until it was out of sight and turned away from the window. She felt sad to see Lily go, but felt the urge to get the hell out of here as well. With that in the back of her mind, she walked back to her room…


	9. Regina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been so hard to write and a big, big shoutout to LiveLaughWrite without whom I wouldn't have made it! And ofcourse for the beta work ;)  
> Anyway, here's a brand new chapter and please let me know what you think, I love to hear from you!   
> Thanks to everyone who stuck around, read, reviewed and gave me kudo's!

23th November 2000, unknown location  
For the first few seconds Regina had no idea what was happening. White hot pain searing through her body was the first thing she noticed, along with the fact that she was laying on her back on a hard floor. Her body got jerked to the side and she realized she was in a moving vehicle. The pain raking through her system made it hard to think and focus, she couldn’t pinpoint where the pain came from. It was all consuming and took over her entire system. With great difficulty, she managed to open her eyes and was glad for the fact that it was dark around her. Above her she could see the starry sky and realized she lay in the back of a truck. Biting through the pain she tried to move but noticed her hands were tied to her back and her feet were tied together as well. Another jolt sent her flying through the confined space and she landed on something hard and pointy. She looked up and saw she crashed against a pair of legs. Panic started to build up in her chest as she realized this was bad, very bad. She remembered she had been on transport duty with her platoon when something happened. Her memory was blurry, but she remembered the explosion. After the explosion everything was black and now she was here, in the back of a strange truck. She racked up her eyes across the legs, hoping she would see a friendly face. She knew that hope was in vain, she was tied up. Yet she hoped. She looked up, but before she could see who was sitting next to her, something sharp and hard hit her head and everything went black again...

  
The second time she woke, the sun was shining right in her face. She squinted against it and realized she was no longer in the moving truck. Instead, she lay on a dirty ground in a metal cage with rusted bars. She noticed she was no longer tied up as she stretched her legs a bit. The white hot pain from earlier shot through her body and she winced. She lay completely still until the pain was no more than a dull aching. While staring up at the sky, she was able to feel where it came from. It came from the back of her arms, her entire back and a section of the upper part of her legs. She tried to get up, but her head started spinning so bad she had to lay down again. While laying she tried to get her bearings. She was outside, she was sure of that. She felt a soft, warm breeze across her face and she could see the red sunset. The cage she was in was placed against a brick wall and was maybe 10 foot long and 7 foot wide. The world finally stopped spinning enough and she tried to get up again. She squinted her eyes shut against the throbbing in her head. The throbbing pain on her back intensified and white lights shot behind her eyelids.

  
“You should lay down.”

  
Regina opened her eyes at the unfamiliar voice that was deep and heavily accented voice. The voice came from the corner of the cage and belonged to a Somalian man. He was a tall man and way too skinny for his length. As she looked closer she spotted bruises around his piercing dark eyes and a numerous scars, some old and some fresh. He was wearing a worn out tank top, a pair of greasy short cargo pants and no shoes.

  
“You’ve been injured badly,” he said as he moved towards her.

  
Instinctively, Regina scrambled away from him. She hit her back on the wood and felt there was no where she could go. The pain was unbearable and the world was spinning around her. Her body moved for her and she collapsed against the floor. A hand touched her forehead and before she passed out again, she heard someone yelling in Somali…

  
24th November, somewhere in Somalia  
The third time Regina woke up was when cold water hit her face. The water was so cold, it woke up her senses immediately and her head felt more clear than before. Shortly after that the pain made itself present and seared through her body. She winced and looked up. A Somali man in cameo clothes looked down at her, grinning. His teeth were yellow and he missed a few. He looked away from her and yelled something in Somali. With his attention averted from her, Regina could look around. She was no longer in the cage outside, but found herself in a dark room without windows and was tied to a chair with her hands on her back and her legs to the legs of the chair. The only light came from a lamp on a desk on the other end of the room. Behind the desk sat an important looking man. He was from Somali descent, clearly, but was in better shape. He had broad shoulders, a shaved head and a nasty scar running from his left eyebrow to the right side of his chin. Regina flinched, that must have hurt. The man stood up and walked from behind his desk towards her. He asked her something in Somali and she had no idea what he was saying.

  
“I...I...don’t,” she started, which earned her a hard strike across her face.

  
Pain shot like hot white lightning bolts through her head and she spit out some blood. The nasty iron taste lingered in her mouth.

  
“Look at me!”

  
The accent was so heavy, Regina barely understood the man. She spit out the last bit of blood and looked up again. His eyes were piercing through her and Regina writhed in her chair.

  
“What you work for?” he demanded.

  
“For no one,” she replied braver than she felt.

  
Another strike across her face made her head whip back. Her neck ached and the burning on her back intensified. She suspected she had burning wounds from the explosion earlier, maybe even severe once. She had no idea how much time had passed and if her platoon was searching for her. They probably were and she hoped they had an idea of where to look for her. She had no idea, only thing she knew was that she was in danger. She let her head fall forward, to scared to meet the man’s eyes.

  
“You do. Tell!” he demanded again.

  
Regina only shook her head, she felt drained. Fear had overtook her as she realised how precarious her situation was at this point. She was kidnapped by a group of militants in a country where they hated the military and had no respect for women. She was fucked and she knew it. There was no way in hell she would make it out alive. The faces of her mother and Zelena flitted through her mind. Someone grabbed her by her hair to pull her head up and forced her to look at the man in front of her. The man let his eyes glide over her body, he had a mean smirk on his face. His eyes stocked as he reached her neck and spotted the silver necklace. ‘Shit, my dog tags,’ flitted through her mind. They didn’t know she was in the military yet, that’s probably why she was still alive. The man reached for the necklace and pulled it free from her t-shirt. The dog tags dangled from the necklace and he grabbed them. With one hard yank, he snapped the necklace and studied the dog tags.

  
“Private Mills,” he read. “You are army!” he raged and with one good kick against her chest she fell backwards.

  
Her head made a sickening thud against the hard floor and for a few moments she saw stars. Vaguely she heard the man call out a command in Somali and she got dragged out of the room with chair and all. One of the man pulled a knife and Regina closed her eyes. This was it, this was her end. She would never see Zelena or her mother again and would never meet Emma. Her heart clenched at the thought of her penpal. Emma must be so confused about why she never showed and was probably angry as hell. Regina opened her eyes in surprise as a knife cut away the ropes. Perhaps this was not her end yet. Roughly she got lifted off the chair by two men and dragged across the compound to the cage she was in earlier. They threw her to the ground and locked the cage behind her. She flew to her feet, grabbing the bars of the cage.

  
“Please,” she begged. “Please, let me go.”

  
One of the man turned and came walking back. For a moment Regina’s heart fluttered in hope, but he spit in her face and pushed her back to the ground. He said something in Somali and walked away. Devastated Regina just lay on the ground, tears were streaming down her face. Her head throbbed from the beatings. The face of a Somali man appeared in her eyesight and she scrambled to her feet.

  
“Easy, I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, raising his hands.

  
Regina relaxed slightly and saw it was the same man from before.

  
“My name is Ismail,” he said as he lowered his hands and smiled at her.

  
“Regina,” the private offered and returned his smile.

  
“Nice to meet you. How is your back feeling?” he asked as he approached her.

  
“Not good. Is it bad?” she asked, realizing he had been there earlier.

  
He hesitated. “Yes. You have burn wounds, they’re pretty bad. I tried to attend to them as best as I could,” he finally said.

  
“Thank you.”

  
She sat back down, leaning against the brick wall. Ismail sat back down in the corner of the cage, giving Regina some space. Fear overtook her once again, she realized how hopeless her situation was. Her platoon had no idea where she was or if she alive. There was no way she could make contact with them, these guys were pretty brutal. In her mind she went back to the interrogation and was glad she had made it out alive, for now. She thought back at her interrogator and racked her brain to figure out who he was.

  
“Ismail?” she asked, looking aside at the man next to her.

  
“Yes?”

  
“That man, who is leading this, who is he?” she asked.

  
Ismail sighed and uneasily looked at their guards. “That’s Hamdi Abdikarím.”

  
The name sounded familiar to Regina and suddenly she remembered. She had heard sergeant Jones mention him during a briefing, Hamdi was the second in command of a dangerous group of militants. She groaned, she had fallen in the hands of one of the most aggressive militants in Somalia. Hamdi was known for murdering military personnel and now he knew she was a soldier. She really wondered why she was still alive. Maybe he was going to try to get ransom for her or… Regina cringed at her following thought, perhaps he was keeping her for his amusement, to use and abuse her.

  
~~~

  
The night had fallen and Regina’s head was leaning against the brick wall. The air was getting colder and she shivered slightly.

  
“You should eat,” Ismail urged her in a hushed tone and handed her the small bowl with greyish goo the guards had brought by earlier.

  
They had to conversate softly, if the guards heard them talk they would slam their guns against the bars. Regina looked at the goo and her nose wrinkled, the smell was terrible. Her stomach growled and Regina accepted the bowl. Ismail nodded encouraging and started eating. Regina stared back at the bowl in her hand and sighed. She hadn’t eaten in days. She swallowed and with her free hand she scooped up the goo. For a second she studied it, closed her eyes and took a bite. It didn’t taste as bad as it looked like to her surprise and within a few minutes she had emptied the bowl. She got to her feet, stretched as far as her back allowed her and set the bowl down near the bars.   
The guards had disappeared and when Regina let her eyes roam over the compound, she spotted them near a fire. She shivered again, she would give anything to be near a fire. She returned to her spot against the wall and as she settled against the hard bricks, the pain in her back flared up again. Any movement hurt like hell and almost paralyzed her. She bit through it and took a few ragged breaths.

  
“How is your back?” Ismail asked concerned.

  
“The same,” Regina replied with closed eyes. “Why have they locked you up?” she asked as she looked aside, trying to distract herself from the pain.

  
Ismail didn’t return her gaze, his sad eyes were staring of into the distance. “I’m Christian,” he simply said.

  
“And that’s why they kidnapped you?” Regina asked incredulous.

  
Ismail nodded. “They raided my village one day and found me in the church. I’m a vicar and I was preparing my speech when they rampaged my church. They killed everyone, including my family,” he told her with a flat voice.

  
“I’m so sorry, Ismail.”

  
Now he looked at Regina and smiled slightly at her. “Don’t be. They are in a much better place than I am now,” he answered. Regina only nodded and grabbed his hand. She squeezed slightly in it to let him know she was there for him.

  
Not for the first time Regina wondered what day it was. She couldn’t have been gone for more than three days, right? Than why hasn’t her platoon found her yet? Where they even searching for her? Or didn’t the army care for a female soldier and would they just leave her to die? She hadn’t realized she had started crying until a steady finger brushed away the tear.

  
“I can’t tell you it will be alright, but you’re still alive,” Ismail said concerned.

  
“I wonder why. Hamdi isn’t known for his kindness towards the army or woman,” she exclaimed a bit too loud.

  
One of the guards came storming towards the cage, threw it open and grabbed Regina by the collar of her shirt. He yelled something in Somali and threw her back against the wall. He stomped out of the cage, locked it behind him and spat into the sand before her feet. He turned around and walked back to the fire, they heard the others laugh. Regina was slumped against the wall, not able to move. It felt like something had broken on her back and she was scared it was one of the blisters. Ismail was by her side in no time and she looked up at him.

  
“I… Hurts,” she whispered.

  
Ismail quickly checked her back, his cool fingers slid over her burning back. Regina closed her eyes, the cool fingers felt nice. Suddenly she screamed out in pain as he hit the sore spot. He pulled back his hand, there was blood on it.

  
“That’s it,” he growled and stood up.

  
Regina watched him walk to the bars and yell something in Somali. One of the guards came running towards him and was about to slam the back of his rifle into Ismail’s head, but Ismail stopped him. He said something and the guard shifted his eyes towards Regina. He let his gun down and nodded. After a short conversation the guard walked away and Ismail returned to Regina.

  
“Try to relax, I’m getting you some medicine,” he said.

  
“Thank you,” Regina whispered and closed her eyes briefly.

  
The guard returned and entered the cage. He handed Ismail a bowl and Ismail thanked him. Regina looked up at the guard and met his eyes briefly. He only nodded and left the cage. Ismail moved her shirt up and exposed her ravaged back to the cold night air. Regina muffled a scream as Ismail started to apply a cool paste to her wounds. It felt like ages until he stopped and pulled her shirt back down.

  
“How did you convince him?” she asked softly, Ismail had moved so she could lay her head in his lap.

  
Ismail shrugged. “I told him Hamdi wouldn’t be happy if you died while he was away,” he said.

  
“I still don’t understand why,” she said quietly.

  
“Me neither, but whatever it is, it saved your life,” he replied.

  
Silence fell between them and Regina felt herself drift off. Before she really drifted off, she wondered how Emma was doing…

  
November 25th, somewhere in Somalia  
“Who is Emma?”

  
Regina looked up from her bowl with the same grey goo as the day before at Ismail, who looked at her with a questioning look.

  
“Sorry?”

  
“Emma. You called for her in your sleep,” he explained.

  
Regina faltered, why had she been calling for Emma, a woman she hardly knew? She remembered fragments of the dream she had last night, but couldn’t recall Emma being in it. She felt Ismail’s eyes on her and she decided to tell him.

  
“She’s my pen-pal. We’ve been writing for about four months. She’s in rehab and… and I was supposed to meet her after this mission. I was supposed to go home because there is something wrong with my sister and these assholes thought it would be funny to abduct me.”

  
Anger boiled up and she threw away the bowl. She didn’t care it would probably attract the guards.

  
“I really looked forward to meeting Emma. She’s been having a tough time and I want to be there for her. I don’t even know why, we only have been writing and I only know things about her she’s been writing to me. And yet I have this feeling… I can’t explain it,” she continued with a softer voice. “She intrigues me and I don’t know why, but I want to get to know her. Tell her how strong she is for doing this, for getting help to get clean,” Regina felt silent for a moment, contemplating her feelings towards the woman on the other side of the world whom she never met and yet knew her through the letters. “I want to make her happy,” she finally said quietly.

  
Ismail looked at her with a soft look. “Than you have to do everything to get out of here and go to her,” he said.

  
Regina snorted. “You really think they will let me go? They’ll shoot me on the spot.”

  
“You’re a trained soldier and you’re smart,” he reminded her with a small smile.

  
She looked at him. “We both have to get out of here,” she retorted.

  
“Not if I weigh you down. I have no one who misses me, you do.”

  
Regina averted her eyes and not for the first time she asked herself why she needed to get to Emma so badly. They only had exchanged a couple of letters and yes, they had become more personal, especially from Emma’s side. She had confided in Regina about how hard rehab was. Regina felt guilty for not really wanting to write back in the first place, but something had triggered her to start writing. And after that she had told Emma more about herself and about what life was in the army and Emma had told her about her struggles. Regina’s heart had broken a little after Emma’s last letter and had mended a bit after the short phone call. Emma’s voice had sounded like music in her ears.  
Regina sighed and looked back at Ismail.

  
“I just don’t know where this is all coming from. I mean, we’ve only been writing and had only one phone call. I don’t even know what she looks like,” she exclaimed.

  
Ismail smiled slightly. “Sometimes people walk into our lives and there’s this immediate click. It’s something wondrous and mysterious. I think God has brought her into your life for a reason, maybe you two are meant to support each other through rough times, or maybe He has brought your soulmate into your life,” he said.

  
“You think so? We’re both women, you think He is okay with that?” she asked surprised.

  
“I don’t know, we never know what God’s plans are with us. But He always has a plan.”

  
Regina was about to reply when three guards showed up next to the cage. They were screaming something in Somali and Ismail got this scared look on his face.

  
“What? What are they saying?” she asked panicked.

  
Ismail didn’t get the chance to reply as the guards entered the cage and two of them dragged Regina out of the cage. One guard stayed behind and pointed his gun at Ismail. Ismail sat on his knees and locked eyes with Regina, he had a certain calmness over him.

  
“Ismail! No!”

  
Regina struggled against the firm grip of the two capturers and watched as the other guard pulled the trigger. Ismail’s body fell lifeless to the ground. Regina screamed and cried, but relentlessly they dragged her across the compound. They threw her in the back of a truck and the truck sped off. Someone grabbed her from behind and gagged her, because she was still screaming. Her hands and legs got tied together and a dirty bag got pulled over her head. Blackness engulfed her, but all she could see was Ismail’s lifeless body on the ground…

  
24 hours earlier  
Sergeant Killian Jones sat behind his desk with his hands in his hair. What was supposed to be quite an easy transport mission had ended in a disaster. They had gotten attacked and the man they were supposed to deliver safely at the border had been killed. He had four man still in the hospital and one of them, Jefferson, was still in critical condition. And private Mills had been missing, believed to be abducted by this milition. His priority now was to find private Mills and he had gotten the okay from above to use all resources. They weren’t happy about this abduction, blamed it on him. He had been persistent that he wanted her in his platoon. She had scored top of her class at the School of Infantry and he had seen her shoot during training. He was impressed and really believed she was an asset to his platoon. She had proven herself during the raid on the pirates, of course he knew she had been the one to shoot that one man down. He had hated how the rest of the man treated her and had been planning to talk to them. And now she was missing. He glanced at his watched, she had been missing for more than 48 hours and they had no idea where she was.   
The flap of his tent opened and corporal Greene entered.

  
“Sir, I have an update about private Jefferson,” she said.

  
“Go on,” he invited her.

  
“He’s stable enough for a transport to Mogadishu,” she told him.

  
“That’s good to hear. Thank you.”

  
She was about to say something as the flap of the tent opened again and Sidney entered.

  
“Sir, sorry to interrupt,” he startled as he saw corporal Greene.

  
“What is it?” Killian asked annoyed.

  
“We’ve found private Mills. I picked up some chatter on the radio and…”

  
Killian rose to his feet, suddenly feeling rushed. “Where?” he barked.

  
“A small compound, about 8 miles south from here,” Sidney replied.

  
“Thanks, Radio,” Killian said as he stormed past Sidney.

  
Sidney had been with him for most of his tours and was a very reliable radio operator, Killian always put in a request about Sidney being on his platoon. Radio had been Sidney’s nickname since the beginning of their relationship.  
Killian crossed the compound with corporal Greene on his heels. He was about to round up his platoon as Mal grabbed his arm.

  
“Find her,” she said. “And be careful,” she added softly.

  
“I will,” he replied and smiled at her.

  
Mal nodded, let go of him and walked away. For a moment he stared after her, than he started to round up his man.

  
~~~

Within 30 minutes Killian and his platoon were on their way to the compound private Mills was supposed to be. Nobody spoke and all faces were tense. Even though private Mills was a female and they all had made dirty jokes around her and teased her, she was still one of them.   
Soon enough the compound came in sight and Killian let the convoi stop. On foot they proceeded to the compound and crept up to it. Killian noted it was eerily quiet around the compound and his heat sensors showed nothing. Silent fear crept up to him as he prayed that they weren’t too late. Finally he gave the sign to enter the compound and after a quick, but thorough sweep they realized the compound was deserted and left in a hurry. They only found the body of a Somali man in a cage, with no sign of private Mills...


	10. Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and reviewing! The reviews made me really happy!  
> A shoutout to my awesome beta LiveLaughWrite, who tirelessly corrected all my mistakes. By the way, she on AO3 as well and is currently working on great Tokio Hotel fic. Go, go check it out!  
> So, without further due, a brand new chapter for you!

_December 3th  2000, Boston_

_(Day 34)_

Emma sat in Archie’s office, Pongo lay asleep at her feet. On the table in front of her sat the envelop she had gotten from her school two days ago. It was still unopened and she was staring at it, willing it to have good news.

“Are you ready?” Archie asked softly.

“No, but I think I’ll never be,” she replied with a small smile.

Archie replied the smile and nodded encouraging. Emma took a deep breath and grabbed the envelope from the table. Without hesitation she ripped open the envelope and started reading.

“Shit,” she mumbled and threw the letter back on the table.

“What did it say?” Archie asked.

Emma sighed and reclined back in her chair. “That I missed out on too many classes to catch up again and have to redo my year,” she told him with a flat voice.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Emma. How do you feel about it?” he asked.

“What do you think? Pissed off! But I know it’s my own fault. If I hadn’t relapsed, I might have had a chance,” she replied.

“So what are you going to do for the remaining year?”

Emma shrugged. “I have no idea. Find a job, a place to stay. Something like that, I think.”

“Well, that’s sounds like a good plan. What kind of job would you like to do?” he questioned.

“You’re never going to drop these questions, are you?” Emma smirked.

“No,” Archie shook his head. “It’s why they pay me the big bucks,” he joked.

“Maybe I should go do your job, then,” she grinned.

“Would you want to be a social worker or a psychologist?” he asked, leaning forward slightly.

“Nah, never in a million years. People are way too complicated for me. No, give me an animal to care of and I’m happy. Unfortunately, I need a degree to do that,” Emma finally gave in, scratching behind Pongo’s ear.

“You don’t need one for all jobs that are animal related. For example, they are always looking for volunteers at animal shelters,” Archie said.

“I know, but working as a volunteer doesn’t pay the rent,” Emma noted.

“That’s true, yes. It was just an idea.”

Emma nodded. “I’ll keep it in my mind,” she smiled.

Silence fell between them. Archie seemed to be pondering a question, not sure if he should ask. He studied Emma, she looked content at the moment. The letter from her college hadn’t been that big of a surprise, he figured. If it had been, she would’ve been more upset. He really didn’t know if he should burst her happy little bubble, but he had to ask.

“Emma, why did you start using?” he asked softly.

Emma inhaled sharply and stopped scratching behind Pongo’s ear. The dog growled in discontent and lay back down when Emma didn’t start scratching again.

“I… because everyone did it?” she replied, clearly trying to avoid to subject.

“Are you sure about that? So nothing happened that might have triggered you?” Archie pushed.

Emma stood up, walked to the window and with her hands in her pockets she looked outside. Archie followed her with his eyes, knowing he had struck a chord with her.

“I don’t think so, or maybe it did. I was dating this guy and I knew he used. Of course I was curious about the stuff, I saw how blissful he was after using. I longed for the blissful feeling, the feeling of not feeling at all. Forgetting everything. Yet there was something that stopped me from using until…” her voice stocked and her shoulders shook slightly.

“Until?” Archie urged softly.

“Until he wanted to have sex with me and I refused. He hit me, just once, but it was enough. Enough to be five years old again and being punished for stealing a crumb of bread. I didn’t want to feel that way anymore and even though he apologized over and over again, I left him. I went on with my life, struggling through college and dealing with nightmares every night. I was so tired all the time and I just couldn’t tell Ruby what happened. Then I met Neal. He was charming and sweet and caring and everything I needed. I told him about the nightmares and he said he had something that would help me. The first time I used was at some club and I felt so, so good. For the first time in my life I felt free, liberated. My mind finally seemed to relax. When the drugs wore off, I crashed down hard. But Neal was there, holding me and I felt safe with him. After that night, I started using regularly, until I used daily.”

By now, Emma had turned around and was leaning against the windowsill. She had her arms wrapped around herself, almost to try to keep herself together. She wasn’t crying or thrown back into a panic attack and it surprised her. It actually felt good to get it out. She looked up at Archie and smiled faintly at him, letting him know she’s okay.

“When you said you wanted to forget, what did you want to forget?” Archie asked, not sure if he was pushing too hard now.

Emma’s smile faded and her eyes hardened. She turned back around to look outside as she once again started to speak.

“My life,” was all she said.

“Why?”

“Because it sucks. I suck, as I’ve been told by almost every adult I met. I suck, I’m rude, I’m difficult, I’m too hard to handle. I’ve felt worthless ever since I can remember and it’s all because my own parents didn’t want me. That’s what I was trying to forget when I started to snort coke. Happy now?”

With tears in her eyes Emma looked back at Archie. She tried everything to not be angry with the man, because she knew he meant well and it was only his job. Pongo suddenly stood next to her, pushing his snout into her. Feeling his warm body pushing against her calmed her down.

“I’m not happy that this happened to you, Emma. But you’ve proven you’re strong. You’ve been clean now for how long?” he asked.

“34 days,” she replied.

“See? You’re stronger and you’ve proven you don’t need it,” he said.

“But what if I want to forget again? What if the nightmares return?” she asked desperately, because she knew it was a possibility.

“Do what you do now.”

He pointed at Pongo, who sat next to her, enjoying the rub Emma was giving him. Emma followed his gesture and looked at Pongo. Then she looked back up at Archie with a crooked smile, her eyes glistening.

“You mean, get a dog?” she joked.

Archie laughed and nodded.

“That may not be such a bad idea.”

Emma nodded and knelt down next to Pongo.

“Or I just kidnap Pongo,” she said.

“Don’t you dare. I’ll come find you,” he threatened half-heartedly.

Archie shook his head while he made some notes. He was glad Emma handled the conversation so well, even better than he expected. She would be fine, if she stayed clear from drugs.

 

_December 8th 2000, Boston_

_(Day 39)_

Emma was sitting in the common room, staring out of the window. Fall was definitely over and she suspected it would start snowing soon. Normally she would be overjoyed at the thought, but not today. She felt lonely, so lonely. Ruby hadn’t been visiting ever since they had words and Regina was still AWOL. Emma had to admit, she missed getting the letters and she missed writing back.

She sighed and looked around her. Everyone from her old group had been discharged, adding to her lonely feelings. She hardly interacted with any of them outside the therapies.

She looked back at the book in front of her, she had picked it up in the library a couple of days ago, but she still hadn’t moved past the first chapter. She simply couldn’t concentrate and she felt restless. She was almost constantly worrying about Regina and each passing day without a sign of life made her more restless.

She looked up as she heard footsteps approaching and was about to lash out to whomever dared to disturb her, when she saw it was Nurse Keaton.

“Hey. You have a visitor,” she said friendly, she had seen how Emma was shutting everyone out.

“Ruby?” Emma asked hopeful.

Nurse Keaton shook her head. “No, sorry. It’s a girl,” she said.

Emma frowned and followed Nurse Keaton to the visitors room. Nurse Keaton pointed at the girl sitting in the far back and Emma made her way to the table. She sat down and looked at the girl in front of her. The girl looked a bit pale, but had a pair of sparkling green eyes and curly red hair.

“Are you Emma?” she asked with a soft, but clear voice.

“Yes. And you’re Zelena?” Emma guessed.

“Yeah. Sorry to just show up,” Zelena said, suddenly nervous.

“Don’t be. I’m glad to put a face to the name,” the blonde smiled reassuringly. “How did you get here without your mother?” she asked curiously.

“I skipped school,” Zelena replied grinning. “I could never persuade my mom to bring me here,” she added.

“This isn’t my doing, is it? Being in rehab and having a bad influence on you?” Emma asked grimacing.

“No way. I’ve been skipping class since 7th grade,” Zelena gave back and winked.

“Wow, you’re more badass than I thought,” Emma smirked.

“I learned from the best,” Zelena replied smartly. “Speaking about the best, did you see Regina?” she asked suddenly serious.

“No, I haven’t. I kind of figured she went straight to you and didn’t have time to come see me,” Emma replied surprised.

“She was supposed to meet us here in the hospital, but she never showed. Nor did she call,” Zelena told her, she frowned worried.

“Did she get on the plane?” Emma asked.

“I have no clue. And my mom isn’t able to get in touch with Regina’s superiors, I don’t know why.”

“That… I’m so sorry, kid.” Zelena nodded and stared at her hands. Emma could tell she was worried and rose to her feet. She knelt next to Zelena, placing her hand on Zelena’s shoulder. “I’m sure she’s fine. She’s tough as far as I could asses and they trained her well.”

Zelena nodded quietly.

“Thank you.”

“Wait, you said here in the hospital. You mean this hospital we’re in right now?” Emma asked surprised.

“Yeah, I didn’t know there was a rehab clinic here until I stood before the hospital.”

“That’s what I call a coincidence. What are you treated for if I may ask?”

Zelena nodded and told her she had a chronic kidney disease and Regina is her donor. Luckily, some aggressive dialysis had helped her this time, but she was in dire need for a transplant. Zelena asked Emma about being in a rehab clinic Emma told her all about it. Way too soon it was time for Zelena to leave and the girl hugged Emma tightly before she gathered her stuff and walked to the door.

“Oh, Emma,” she said as she turned around. “Regina would make time to see you. She writes about you all the time.”

And with that, Zelena was out the door. Emma stayed behind, a bit flabbergasted by that last piece of information.

 

_December 25th 2000, Boston_

_(Day 56)_

Yoga class had ended when Mulan approached Emma.

“Hey, I hadn’t expected to see you today,” she said as she watched Emma roll up her yoga mat.

“Why wouldn’t I have been here?” Emma asked while looking up.

“I don’t know. Maybe something about today being Christmas day?” Mulan remarked.

Emma stood up and shoved the mat under her arm. “Celebrating Christmas on your own isn’t as fun as it sounds and I don’t have much to celebrate,” she shrugged.

“I’m sorry, Em. I heard the university kicked you out,” she said.

Emma squinted. “From who?”

“Ruby,” Mulan admitted quietly.

“Ruby? How…?” Emma shook her head. “I don’t get it, she doesn’t visit and yet she knows everything that’s going on in my life. How do you even know her?”

“We have mutual friends. Ems, she’s going through a tough period at the moment. She does want to visit you, but…” Mulan’s voice trailed off.

“Uhuh. Never mind, I’ll do it on my own. I’m used to it by now,” Emma replied bitterly.

“You’re not alone, Emma. You have me, Lilly, Ruby. Ruby really wants to be there for you, but…”

“But she’s going through something right now. And I’m not? Why the hell are you defending her anyway?” Emma really hadn’t meant to yell, but she felt like she was bursting with a variety of emotions.

She still hadn’t heard from Regina and Zelena had shot her a text a couple of days ago saying she needed dialysis again. The knowledge that Zelena was in the same hospital as she was, but she couldn’t go visit the girl to show some support, made her go crazy.

And then there was Ruby, who was radio silent and Mulan who apparently was in Ruby’s life. Emma would be damned if Ruby would steal the girl she saw first. She knew it sounded childish, but still. Emma had seen Mulan first, so she had dibs on her, regardless of the fact if Mulan wanted her.

“I’m not….Okay, maybe a little. My point is, you’re not alone,” Mulan pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Then why do I feel like that?” Emma’s voice sounded soft and defeated.

Mulan said nothing and wrapped her in a bear hug. The yoga mat fell to the ground and hit it with a dull sound as Emma returned the hug. Mulan felt the body of the younger girl tremble slightly. She softly stroked Emma’s back until she stopped trembling and Emma broke the embrace.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a quivering voice.

“Don’t be. That’s what I’m here for. How about a hot cocoa?” Mulan suggested, knowing Emma was addicted to hot cocoa.

“Good idea.”

Emma picked up the yoga mat and together they walked out of the gym, making their way to the common room.

“So, what are your plans for when you get out of here?” Mulan asked when they stood next to each other in the small kitchen.

“I’m not really sure. First I need a place to crash and doctor Hopper suggested I volunteer at an animal shelter, but that doesn’t pay the bills,” Emma answered as she poured herself a cup of hot cocoa.

“True, but it is up your alley,” Mulan noted as she sat down with a damping mug of coffee.

“It is. I’ll see when I get out. First a place to crash, then a job,” Emma said.

“Good idea. I’ll keep an eye out on cheap apartments,” Mulan offered.

“Thanks. And thanks for being my friend,” the blonde added softly.

Mulan smiled and moved so she could squeeze Emma’s hand.

“You’re welcome. You would do the same for me.”

“Nah, I would drop you like a brick,” Emma replied quasi-serious.

Mulan hit Emma’s arm soft and giggled. “Idiot.”

They made some small talk after that, Mulan avoiding the Regina subject wisely. Emma seemed to be in a good mood and Mulan didn’t want to ruin that. Mulan finished her coffee first and stood up.

“I’ve got to go, my mother is waiting for me,” she said as she turned to face Emma.

“Okay. Merry Christmas,” Emma replied and stood up as well.

“You too, Ems.” Mulan hugged her tightly.

Mulan placed a kiss on Emma’s forehead, grabbed her purse and left the common room. Emma looked after her, sighed and started to wash off the mugs they used.

 

_December 27th 2000, Boston_

_(Day 58)_

Emma stared out of the window while clutching the phone to her ear. Snow had finally fallen and she was now looking at a winter wonderland. The sight was truly breathtaking, every branch of the trees were covered with the white, cold stuff and the pond was frozen over. Yesterday she had spotted some young daredevils skating over it, the ice clearly holding them. She longed to go skating, she loved the feeling of gliding over the smooth surface. One of her foster families had taught her how to skate, it was one of the rare families she felt at home. Of course that fairy tale ended when she screwed it up, again.

_“Hello?”_

The groggy voice on the other end of the line pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Hey, it’s Emma. Did I wake you?” she asked, knowing fully well she woke the other girl up.

 _“Yeah, but it’s fine. How are you?”_ Ruby asked.

“Good. You?” Emma asked tentatively.

 _“Uh… I’ll answer that in a couple of minutes, when I’m awake,”_ Ruby joked. _“Hang on, let me get up, okay?”_

“Okay.”

Emma listened to the rustling on the other side and wondered when it had become so strained between them. She hated herself for not being there for Ruby when the brunette obviously needed her.

 _“Okay, I’m up. Feeling a bit hungover, but I’ll live. Granny’s punch was spiked or something. I think Leroy had something to do with it,”_ Ruby chuckled.

A smile spread on Emma’s face, she remembered Christmases at Granny’s. She felt bummed she missed it this year and made a silent promise she would be present next year.

“So, what have you been up to?” Emma asked curious.

 _“Ah, you know. Classes, lectures and loads of projects. And I’m almost finished my internship. Only a few months to go,”_ Ruby told her.

“That.. that’s good to hear. Bet you’re going to miss it,” Emma said, feeling a pang of jealousy.

 _“Yeah, but I hope they are going to offer me a job after I graduate,”_ Ruby replied enthusiastic.

“That would be awesome. Hey, there’s something I want to ask you,” the blonde started, the question was bugging her for days after her conversation with Mulan.

_“Yeah?”_

“How do you know Mulan?”

It was silent on the other end of the line and Emma was afraid Ruby wouldn’t answer her.

 _“Uh… we met through mutual friends,”_ Ruby finally answered, though her voice quivered.

“Mutual friends?” Emma questioned.

 _“Yeah, we go to the same uh, sorority,”_ Ruby replied.

“Okay.” Ruby’s answer didn’t really settle her, it only brought up more questions. “Ruby, what’s going on with you? I’m worried,” Emma finally voiced.

 _“Please, don’t be. I’m fine. Just buried in work is all. Look, I’m sorry I haven’t been visiting. My schedule is crazy at the moment,”_ Ruby hurriedly said.

“It’s fine, I understand. I just wished you’d talk to me, like we used to,” Emma tried again.

Ruby sighed and Emma couldn’t figure out if it was an irritated one.

_“There’s not much to talk about, Ems.”_

“What about Belle?”

Emma knew she was pushing too hard, but she only did it because she was worried about Ruby. Ever since that one night in the club, Ruby had been distancing herself from Emma.

 _“We broke up. No big deal,”_ Ruby replied, now she sounded irritated.

“If you say so.”

_“Look, I’ve got to go, Ems.”_

“Okay. Talk later?” Emma asked.

 _“Yeah. I’ll come by soon. Love you, Ems,”_ Ruby said softly.

“Love you too.”

The line went dead and Emma hung the phone back. As she made her way back to her room, she realized she was none the wiser about what was up with Ruby. She sighed, she had to get out of here. Maybe she could talk to Archie and see if she could somehow shortcut the program. She felt stronger than ever before and she really wanted to be there for Ruby and Zelena. The thought of Zelena made her also think about Regina. Regina who was still radio silent and it really was unsettling to Emma. She could only pray the woman was alright and there was some stupid misunderstanding. Out of habit she checked her mailbox on her way to her room, but it was empty. A bit disappointed she walked into her room and closed the door behind her...


	11. Regina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo sorry for the delay guys! Thank you all for reading, reviewing and of course the kudo's, they kind of made my day and urged me to keep writing.  
> So without further due, I present the next chapter. As always, let me know what you think.

December 3th 2000, somewhere in Somalia

A splash of cold water in her face woke Regina up rudely. Her arms were lifted up with shackles to the ceiling and her feet barely touched the ground. Judging the tired feeling in her arms, she had been hanging like this for a while. She couldn’t really tell how long, she hadn’t been conscious much. Now that no one attended her injuries, she had spiked a fever and even when she had been conscious, her mind was foggy at best.

Now she was awake due to the splash of cold water. She still felt feverish and was covered in cold sweat. A man with a beard and a red and white shawl around his neck came into her vision and without a word he started to unlock the shackles around her wrists. A silent scream escaped her lips as one arm fell to her side and the blood started to circulate through it. Soon her other arm was free and she fell to the ground, her legs were like jelly. The man hoisted her to her feet and dragged her along with him. Strangely enough, she didn’t feel any pain aside from the tingling in her arms and shoulders. There was only a dull ache on her back and barely there. 

The man lead her through numbers of hallways and Regina realized for the first time she must be inside a mountain. Everywhere she looked were rough stone walls. She tried to swallow, but her mouth and throat were as dry as the Sahara and her tongue felt twice as thick. Finally the man stopped before a door. He rapped a rhythm on it and waited. The door opened after a few moments and he dragged her inside. He dropped her on a chair and almost immediately she slid sideways, not able to keep herself upright. Quickly he grabbed her shoulder, preventing her to fall to the ground and kept her upright. Regina heard talking, but it all sounded very far away. Suddenly she’s lifted to her feet again and was dragged out of the room. They’re already halfway through the hall when she finally spoke.

“What’s happening?”

She hardly recognized her own voice, it was raspy and low. 

“Fixing you up. You not good,” the man replies in broken English and a heavy accent.

Regina frowned. Why would they fix her up and not just kill her? Oh, how she had wished for death ever since she woke up in this hellhole. She had wished they’d come in and just shot her on the spot. And yet here she is, on her way to get actual fixed up. She really had no idea why they’d want to keep her alive, but for now she was glad for the help. The man dragged her through another numerous hallways and Regina had a hard time keeping up with him. Her legs were still like jelly, so he dragged her more than that she walked along. Finally he stopped and lifted her up. Her body connected with a somewhat soft surface and she felt her body relax almost immediately. Vaguely she heard talking somewhere to her left before she lost consciousness…

 

December 10th 2000, somewhere in Somalia

A flashlight shining in her eyes twice woke Regina up. Her head felt more clear, the fog on her mind had cleared. The pain on her back was back and for a moment she wished she was still in the foggily state of mind. She preferred that to the overwhelming pain all through her body. She tried to swallow, but her mouth and throat were still dry. 

“Ah, you’re awake.”

A voice with a british accent startled her. Had she been saved in the time she had been unconscious? She sat up and looked around her. Disappointed she took in the stone walls, she was still inside the mountain. She turned her head to where the voice had sounded from and saw a woman standing in the corner. The woman looked older than her, her hair was greying. The woman approached her and Regina saw the woman had been beaten up. There were various bruises on her face, a few were already fading. Her lips were chapped and she had a still healing cut in her eyebrow. Her eyes were dull and she had an overall exhausted expression.

“How are you feeling?”

Her voice was soft and friendly and Regina immediately felt safe with her. She tried to swallow again and the woman handed her a bowl with brownish water. Regina didn’t care, she gulped the bowl empty in seconds. She felt the water slid through her throat and felt just a bit better.

“Better,” she croaked out as she swung her legs off the bed. 

“And the pain? Those burns on your back aren’t looking good,” the woman inquired as she walked around the table.

“The pain is hardly bearable. How bad is it?” Regina asked as the woman moved the fabric of her shirt up to inspect her back.

“Pretty bad. A few of the blisters are open and infected.” She let go of the fabric and walked back to face Regina. “I gave you antibiotics, but that’s all I can do. I don’t have anything for the pain.” Through her voice sounded a pained apology.

“It’s okay. I… I can handle it. I’m Regina by the way,” Regina said and lifted her hand.

“I’m Lizzy,” the woman replied, accepting Regina’s hand. 

“How long have I been out?” Regina asked.

“At least five days. I’m not sure,” Lizzy replied as she sat down on the ground.

“Damn. I don’t understand why they just don’t kill me,” Regina sighed and slid off the bed.

Stretching her legs, she walked around in the little cell. Except for the bed and Lizzy’s bag, the cell was bare. Regina walked to the rusted bars and peered through them. The light was spare and she could only see a few metres. 

“Because you’re worth a lot of money,” Lizzy replied. 

Regina turned around to face her.

“Sorry?”

“You’re an American, white, female and military. Your government will pay to get you out,” Lizzy explained. 

“I’m not so sure about that,” Regina sighed and walked back to where Lizzy sat. “What about you?” she asked as she sat down next to the woman.

“I’m a doctor for Doctors Without Borders. I worked in this small village when they kidnapped me about a week ago,” she replied.

“A week ago? But you said I was out for five days,” Regina said, the gears in her head were turning full speed. Lizzy only nodded and looked aside at Regina. “But that means they took you because of me!” she exclaimed as she looked aside at Lizzy. 

“Yes.”

“O God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Lizzy said and smiled warily. “The wounds on your back, it looked like someone had treated them before,” Lizzy suddenly remarked.

Regina swallowed thickly at the thought of who had smeared the stinking paste on her back. Ismail. She could still hear the shot ringing in her ears and the sight of his lifeless body was branded on her cornea forever. 

“Yeah,” she finally said hoarsely. “There was a man in the camp I was in before they brought me here. They killed him.” 

“Bastards,” Lizzy hissed. “I’m sorry.”

Regina just nodded and tried to relax her body against the wall. The cold of the wall flooded through her body and eased the pain on her back a bit. Once again she wondered if someone would come and get her. She lost all track of time and had no idea how long she had been gone. To be honest she had given up on the hope of being found, the bastards had moved her inside a freaking mountain. She had expected the realization of giving up hope would break her, but surprisingly she hadn’t. Her only hope was they killed her quickly.

“Go lay on the bed, you need it more then I,” Lizzy said, nudging her.

“I laid there for a week, you go. I’m not tired anyway,” Regina replied, looking aside at Lizzy. She had noticed it before, the doctor had been beaten up badly and Regina could see it was taking a toll on the older woman. Lizzy gave her a questioning look and Regina nodded encouragingly. “Go on,” she said.

Lizzy finally stood up and stretched herself out on the bed. She turned to face Regina.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Go get some sleep. I’ll keep watch,” Regina winked.

Lizzy smiled and closed her eyes. Regina watched as Lizzy’s features relaxed and finally fell asleep. Regina leaned her head back against the wall, her mind wandered to Emma. She realized she had no idea how the woman looked, she only had heard her voice once through the phone. Regina really hoped she would one day meet the mysterious Emma...

 

17th December 2000, somewhere in Somalia

Lizzy had become ill and Regina was worried about her. The woman had developed a nasty cough and since last night, she had spiked a fever. Regina had cried for help, but ofcourse no one came. So now she was sitting next to the door, trying to pick the lock with a piece of iron she found on the floor. Se looked up as some movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. Lizzy had slipped of the bed, but she was too weak to stand on her own. Regina leaped to her feet and caught the woman just in time.

“You should stay in bed,” Regina spoke sternly.

“Just wanted some water,” Lizzy replied weakly.

Regina helped the doctor back on the bed and walked over to the bucket with water. The bucket was almost empty and Regina doubted they would get new water anytime soon. She scooped some of the water in her hands and walked over to Lizzy. The woman gulped it down thankfully and laid back down. Regina felt Lizzy’s forehead and realized she was burning up.

“We need to get out of here,” she muttered as she walked back to her previous spot on the floor.

She picked up the piece of iron and went feverishly to work. Nate, one of her friends back home, once had taught her how to pick a lock and now it would come in handy. With a fierce determination she thought she had lost, she set to work. She worked relentless until her fingers felt numb and then some more. When she was on the verge of giving up, the lock clicked and she could remove it.

“Yes!!!” she cheered, holding her hands up like a champion. Behind her, Lizzy stirred restless, murmuring something she couldn’t understand. Regina walked over to her and knelt next to her, stroking her forehead. “I’m going to get you out of here,” she promised.

She stood up, walked to the door and opened it. She walked through it and closed it behind her. Placing the lock back in its place, but not closing it, she glanced at the restless sleeping Lizzy.

“I’ll be back.”

With that she turned away and started walking down the dark hall. She couldn’t hear anything but her own breathing. She had no idea if she was walking towards the exit, all she could do was follow her gut. A split in the hallway forced her to make a choice. In the right tunnel she could vaguely hear voices and saw candle lights. She decided to take the left tunnel as it was dark and quiet. Braver than she felt, she started to walk down the hall. Halfway through she saw a flickering light glide over the wall coming towards her and panic took over. For a second she was frozen to the floor, sure that they would spot and kill her now. In a split-second before the light would round the corner, she spotted a small niche. Quickly she slipped into it and pressed herself  against the wall. Holding her breath she watched as someone holding a torch passed her. Her heart was racing as she felt the warmth of the flames on her skin. Suddenly she was engulfed in blackness again, but she could still hear the footsteps down the hall. She waited until they were gone and continued her way through the dark hall. When the man had passed her, she had smelled something she hadn’t smelled in a while, fresh air. The smell had ensured her she was on the right track and she hastened her step. Lizzy was in dire need of medical attention and these bastards sure as hell weren’t going to give it. She rounded another corner and saw light at the end of the tunnel. Her heart leaped and she quickened her pace until she was almost running. She had made it, she had escaped. A hard scream behind her startled her and as she glanced behind her, she saw two men charging after her. She started to run, hoping she could outrun them. 

Suddenly she tripped and her body hit the floor hard. As she looked behind her, she saw a man appearing out of the darkness and realised he had tripped her. She scrambled to her feet, but he was already on her, pinning her to the ground on her stomach. She tried to wrestle him, but he was to strong for her. He yelled something at the approaching men and laughed menacing. She kicked him somewhere and he hit her over her head.

“Jooji!” he commanded, which she was able to translated to ‘Stop!’

Soon the other two reached them and with the three of them they lifted her to her feet. They dragged her in between two men through the endless hallways and finally stopped before a door. Regina saw it wasn’t Lizzy’s cell like she had hoped. The guy that had tackled her knocked a rhythm on the door and waited.  After what seemed endless minutes, the door swung open. They dragged her inside and dropped her on the floor. She was able to catch herself and looked up. Before her sat an imposing looking man. He had a long black beard and piercing dark eyes, which were trained on her. He didn’t avert his eyes as he said a single syllable. The same guy that had tackled her, started speaking rapidly and the man nodded. He didn’t say anything as he seemed to think. With one gesture of his hand everyone in the room left the room in a hurry, except the three men that brought her in. The man before her said something with a deep, raspy voice and two man grabbed her by the arms to raise her to her feet. The third started to tear her clothes off and a terrified Regina realized what was about to happen, they were going to rape her. That realization made her wanting to scream, but the panic had clamped down her throat. The man took her naked body in with his piercing eyes and smiled nastily. He gestured again and the three man stepped back, giving him all the space he needed. She felt his hands slid over her skin and she shivered. A sudden push in her back brought her back to her knees and when she felt him step behind her, her mind went black and her body numb…

 

20th December 2000, somewhere in Somalia

They hadn’t brought her back to Lizzy, but dumped her in a dark, cold cell. The cell was empty, spare for a dirty mattress and a bucket with dirty water. The first day she had just laid curled up in a corner, her entire body aching. That wasn’t the worst, she felt so dirty after everything they had done to her. Her mind couldn’t even process what exactly had happened and to be honest, she didn’t want to. 

They had given her some sort of dress, luckily they weren’t that inhuman. Still she couldn’t figure out why they had kept her alive, even after they had their ‘fun’ with her. She didn’t quiet believe Lizzy about that she was worth money. She had given up hope for rescue, she knew had been gone a long time. She still couldn’t be sure about how long exactly, but long enough. 

The second day someone had brought her a piece of bread and some water and even though she didn’t want to indulge them, she had practically attacked the food. After that she tried to pick the lock again, but she hadn’t found anything usefull to pick it with. She had sunken down in the corner of the cell, crying softly. She felt on the brink of sanity and she really didn’t want to give up, but her future right now didn’t look so bright. She thought about her mother, how she had been right when she had called Regina a disappointment. She thought about Zelena, how she had abandoned her sister when the girl needed her the most. She wondered if Zelena was even still alive, she knew how bad she needed a kidney. Her thoughts wandered further to Emma, the woman she had never met and yet felt so close to her. 

_ “Be safe.”  _

Emma’s voice sounded suddenly very clear in her head and jolted her right back out of her depressed thoughts. She couldn’t give up hope, she had to get to Emma. Ismail was right, Emma could be her soulmate. She had to fight to survive this, she just had to get out of here. And not only for Emma, she had promised her sister to come and get her. With refound hope and fight she finally fell asleep in that corner.

 

23th December 2000, somewhere in Somalia

The door of her cell got thrown open with a bang, jolting Regina awake. She flew to her feet and defiantly she looked at the man entering her cell. 

“Come,” the man simply said.

Regina wanted to refuse, but her mind flashbacked to a few nights ago and decided to just go with him. He grabbed her arm nonetheless and guided her through the hallways. They passed Lizzy’s cell and Regina stopped.

“Come,” the man urged her.

“Please, let me check on her,” Regina pleaded, not sure if he understood her. 

The man hesitated and Regina glanced inside the cell. Lizzy still laid on the bed and Regina was scared the woman had died. A sudden pull on her arm made her move away from the cell.

“Later,” the man said softly.

Regina nodded and glanced back at the cell as they walked away. Lizzy was still motionless and Regina feared for the doctor’s life. The cell disappeared out of sight when she was forced to round a corner. She looked back ahead, wondering where this man was taking her. Some part of her, the hopeless part, hoped he was leading her to her execution. She didn’t know how long she could keep fighting like this, but it had surprised her she was still fighting. 

They stopped before a door and he rapped a rhythm on the door. Regina noticed it was the same door as before and frightened she took a step back. The hand around her arm tightened and pulled her forward. The door went open and he pushed her inside. At first glance, Regina didn’t see the man with the piercing eyes and she relaxed slightly. She scanned the room and saw filming equipment was set up before a chair. Behind the chair hung a huge Somalian flag. It dawned on her they were going to film her, to ask for a ransom. So Lizzy was right, they really thought she was worth a lot of money. She hoped, for her sake, she really was worth it to the American government. To be honest, she hadn’t a lot of faith in it. 

The deep, raspy voice left of her made her cringe and she found the man of her nightmares standing a few feet away from her. He was looking knowingly at her, a small mean smirk was playing around his mouth. Regina swallowed thickly as she returned his gaze with a raised head. She would not let this man crawl under her skin again. The man said something and the man that had brought her here, wrapped a scarf around her head. After he had fixed it properly, he lead her to the chair and sat her down. He handed her The New York Times and Regina glanced at the date. She startled, she had been gone for almost a month. Panic overwhelmed her. She had been gone for a month and no one had come to rescue her. She really had no idea she had been gone that long.

The deep, raspy voice pulled her back out of her panic and she looked up. Behind the camera stood a few men watching her and the blinding light of the camera shone in her eyes. She blinked against it, she wasn’t used to bright light anymore.

“You need to say name, date and ask for money,” the man that had brought her in explained.

“What?” Regina asked nervous.

The man stepped forward and slapped her hard in her face.

“State name, date and ask money!” 

“Okay, okay.” She took a deep breath, looked into the camera and started. “My name is Regina Mills and I’m a Marine. It’s 23th December and I’ve been taken hostage. Please, give them the money they are asking for and they will release me. Please!”

At the end she was crying, hoping they would listen to these men and get her out of here. The camera got turned off and she was lead out of the room. She was still crying when they suddenly stopped and the man opened the cell door.

“You did good,” he said as he pushed her inside.

The door got locked with a dry click and she was alone again. When she turned around, she realized she wasn’t alone. He had kept his promise and had brought her back to Lizzy. Lizzy was looking at her and had her arm outstretched towards Regina. Regina hurried over and buried her head in Lizzy’s shoulder, crying…

 

25th December 2000, somewhere in Somalia

The sun was beating down on Captain Jones and his men. They were on their way back from a patrol through the small village they were stationed near. Life had returned to normal after the failed rescue mission for private Mills and Killian had been told he wasn’t assigned anymore to search for her. They had called in a Special Force group and he was to resume his original mission. Protecting the people in the village and disengage any attacks from rebels. Yet he couldn’t help to look and ask around about private Mills, he felt responsible for her and hated the idea they hadn’t found her after a month. He was even doubting they were searching for her. He had to take the General on his word and he didn’t like it one bit. 

They reached the safety of their compound and Killian quickly stripped down his guns and locked them away. He had to write a report of this uneventful patrol. It probably was good it was uneventful, but Killian felt like capturing one of these rebels and torture them until he knew where private Mills was. He knew none of these local rebels probably had nothing to do with it, but someone had to know something. 

He entered his tent and sat down behind his desk. He was halfway through his report when Mal entered.

“And?” she asked, she knew of his secret mission to find the lost private.

“Nothing.” He threw down his pen and stretched his hands behind his head. “It drives me crazy,” he admitted.

“I know. They will find her,” Mal tried to assure him.

“It’s been a month, Mal. A fucking month,” he exclaimed as he started to pace through the tent.

Mal stopped him by stepping in front of him. He wrapped his arms loosely around her as she wrapped her arms firmly around his waist, her head resting against his chest. He planted a kiss on top of her head before he rested his forehead against her head.

“I know. You have to be patient, trust them.”

He nodded, but had a hard time doing so. He was glad Mal was here, they had grown close this past month. It was like she was exactly right for him, she called him out on his shit and he believed he made her softer, at least when she’s with him.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered. “I would have turned crazy if it wasn’t for you,” he confessed.

“And we can’t have that, can we?” she smirked.

A sudden light streaming into the tent made them spring apart as Sidney entered excitedly. He observed the two people who were looking at him with wide eyes.

“O...sorry,” he apologized.

“What is it, Radio?” Killian asked tiredly.

“There’s something you need to see, Captain. You too, corporal,” he said with refound enthusiasm.

Curious they followed him outside to the radio room and he pointed at a screen. At the screen was a stilled image of private Mills, wearing a white dress, a head scarf and held up a New York Times from a couple of days ago. Mal gasped audibly.

“Regina,” she whispered.

“The video showed up a couple of hours ago,” Sidney explained.

“Play it,” Killian commanded.

Sidney nodded and pressed play. The image started moving and someone stepped before the lens so all they could see a back. A hard slap sound and the person before the lens stepped back.

_ “Okay, okay.”  _ Regina took a deep breath, looked in the camera and started speaking.  _ “My name is Regina Mills and I’m a Marine. It’s 23th December and I’ve been taken hostage. Please, give them the money they are asking for and they will release me. Please!” _

Killian gritted his teeth, she was in a bad shape, but she was alive.

“How much do they want?” he asked.

“Five grant,” Sidney replied. 

“Has the Special Force seen this?”

“I don’t know,” Sidney admitted. “I sent it to General Gold, so I think they have.”

Killia nodded and stared at the stilled image. He wished there was some sort of landmark so they could find her. Killian let Sidney play the video again and paid more attention to the background, but didn’t find anything useful.

“I know where that is.” 

Killian, Mal and Sidney looked up surprised at the man behind them. It was Adsimil, one of their liaisons from the Somali army.

“You do?” Killian asked.

“Yes, I can bring you there. It is dangerous, it’s the hideout of one of the biggest and dangerous militant groups,” Adsimil warned.

“I don’t care. We have to get her out of there,” Killian growled.

“Shouldn’t we let the Special Force to this?” Sidney suggested.

“No, I’ve waited long enough.”

Killian stalked out of the tent, Mal and Adsimil following him closely.

“I’ll get a search party together,” Adsimil said and walked into the camp.

Killian turned to face Mal.

“She’s alive,” he breathed.

“Yeah. Be careful out there, okay?” 

“I promise.” 

He kissed her and jogged after Adsimil to get a few men of his own platoon. Mal looked after him, praying he would find her in time…

 

26th December 2000, somewhere in Somalia

Regina sat with her back against the cool wall, Lizzy sat on the bed facing her.

“So you’re feeling better?” Regina asked.

“Yeah, I managed to get to my bag and grab some antibiotics. The fever is almost gone, so that is good,” Lizzy said, quickly followed by a coughing fit.

“But you’re still coughing,” Regina noted.

“Unfortunately.”

Sudden screams and gunfire made the two woman jump to their feet. Regina grabbed the bars of their cell and craned her neck to see into the hallway. Unfortunately it was way too dark and all she could see was stone and darkness. Lizzy came standing next to her.

“Do you think they are coming for us?” she asked softly.

“I hope so, but…” Regina’s voice faltered, she had given up hope.

The yelling faded away and the gunfire ceased as well. With a sigh, Regina let go of the bars and walked back to her spot on the floor. Lizzy watched her go, but kept standing at the bars. She peered through the bars as well.

“They were probably fooling around or trying to scare us,” Regina said.

“I don’t think so. I see something moving,” Lizzy suddenly said.

Regina frowned and stood up again. With the last bit of energy she walked over to the bars and when she peered through the dark again she did see someone approaching. Due to the dark she couldn’t see if it was one of them or if it was indeed help. A familiar voice was the first thing that made her hope flare up like a flame.

“I found survivors, sir!”

Finally, someone stepped into her vision and Jefferson stood before her. Regina couldn’t believe it and she blinked once, twice before she opened her mouth.

“Jefferson?” she asked uncertain.

“I’ll be damned. Mills?!” he exclaimed and grabbed his radio. “Sir, I found her! Mills! Mills is still alive!” He turned back to face her and grabbed her hand. “It’s good to see you,” he said with a voice filled with emotions.

The feeling of Jefferson’s hand on hers made her really believe she was saved. Jefferson was standing here before her. Help actually had come through. The nightmare was over and she was still alive. She had made it, she was free. 

Running footsteps made her look up and Captain Jones appeared out of the dark, a relieved look on his face.

“Regina,” was all he said.

“Captain,” Regina managed to get out.

Jefferson let go of her hand and started to break down the lock. Soon the door flew open and Captain Jones stepped into the cell. He grabbed her shoulder as if to ensure himself of the fact that she was standing here before him, alive and well. Him gripping her shoulder was all it took and she started to cry. He pulled her in a hug and for the first time in a long time Regina felt save. 

“You’re okay, you’re safe,” he whispered over and over. 

“Sir, we got to move,” Jefferson interrupted them.

Captain Jones nodded and let go of Regina. He quickly checked her over to see if she’s okay enough to walk. Then he moved to Lizzy, spoke briefly to her and Jefferson wrapped his arm around Regina as they walked out of the cell.

“You’re one tough cookie, Mills,” he said softly.

Despite all of the emotions rushing over her, she started laughing.

“Thanks, Jefferson,” she replied and nudged his shoulder. 

They were escorted out of the mountain and on their way they saw numerous men bounded sitting on the ground. Regina passed the man that had violated her and she fought the urge to kill him right there and then. Instead she walked past him with her head held high and walked into the sunlight. It really hit her, she was free. 

  
She had survived...


	12. Emma

**28th December 2000, Boston**

**(Day 59)**

Emma was staring out of the window. Winter really had started now, snow was falling down in a rapid pace. It had been snowing for days and for once Emma was glad to be indoors. 

“Emma!” 

Inhaling, Emma looked up and saw Archie scowling at her. She smirked and sat upright.

“Sorry.” 

She sat in the midst of a group session and she was bored out of her mind. She had heard the speech Archie was giving before and it hadn’t interested her the first time either. Archie gave her a last warning look before continuing his speech. Emma shook her head slightly and stared out of the window again with the drone of Archie’s voice in the background. She followed a snowflake with her eyes until it hit the ground. 

The sudden feeling of someone standing very close to her, made her look up. Archie looked down on her and Emma saw they were alone. Archie sat down next to her and Emma moved so she was facing him. 

“I’m sorry, really,” she started.

“I understand it’s difficult hearing this for the second time, but I really need you to participate. You only have 30 days to go,” Archie said. “Don’t give up now.”

“31,” Emma corrected. “And I’m not giving up. Just bored as hell.” 

Archie chuckled lightly and stood up. 

“I know. Just a couple of weeks, you can do it,” he replied encouragingly as he walked over to the desk in the corner to collect his bag.

“I’ll try, but can’t promise anything,” she winked.

Archie shook his head while he stood up. Emma followed his example and walked out of the door, which Archie held open for her.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said.

“Yeah, see you then.”

Emma smirked and walked to the common room. She had found an interesting book in the library yesterday and she had every intention on reading it today. The tv was on when she entered the common room and as she settled in the corner of the couch with her book, she saw it was CNN. She knew this channel often broadcasted reports of the war overseas and she had learned not to look at it. It made the worries over Regina only bigger and she didn’t need that. So she ducked her head and concentrated on the book while the news anchor droned on about the weather. The book was a good one and it had her completely obvious of the world around her, until the news anchor said something that pulled her completely out of the book. 

“Footage has been released of a missing Marine, demanding ransom. It is unknown at this point whether the Marine has been rescued. We have to warn our viewers, the following footage contains violence and brutality.”

Emma looked up at the tv, hoping, no praying, it wasn’t Regina they were talking about. She grabbed the remote and turned up the volume. In front of the camera sat a woman, behind her was a huge flag, Emma thought it was the Somalian flag. Her heart was hammering in her chest, Regina was in Somalia. The woman was wearing a scarf over her head and wore a white dress. She was holding a New York Times from a week ago and she looked so frightened. A male voice said something vague and the woman looked confused. Someone stepped into the frame, blocking the sight of the woman. A clear slap sounded through the speakers and Emma cringed. The woman appeared back in the frame.

_ “Okay, okay.”  _

Emma’s eyes grew wide as she recognized the raspy voice. This was Regina. She wasn’t dead or had just abandoned Emma. She had been captured and clearly tortured. Emma quickly calculated back to the last contact she had, that had been almost a month ago! Why hadn’t they rescued her already? Was she even still alive? This tape was from a week ago! 

_ “My name is Regina Mills and I’m a Marine. It’s December 23rd and I’ve been taken hostage. Please, give them the money they are asking for and they will release me. Please!” _

After hearing her name, there was no doubt about it. This was the woman she had been writing all this time. Emma stared at the screen, completely in shock, while the news anchor appeared again and started talking again. Emma didn’t hear or see anything. All she could see and hear was Regina. The frightened look on her face and the raspy voice asking to be released. Suddenly, Emma jumped up and raced to the phones. She had to know if Regina was still alive and if she was safe. But staring at the phone, Emma had no clue who to call. She had no number of Regina’s company and she didn’t dare to call her mother. Nervously, Emma bit her nails. She  _ needed _ to know, or she would go nuts. 

“Emma, are you alright?” someone next to her softly asked. Emma almost jumped out of her skin and as she looked up, she found Nurse Jackson looking at her worried. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Are you alright?” she asked again.

“Yeah, no. I don’t know. No.” 

Emma groaned and buried her face in her hands.

“What’s happening, Emma?” Nurse Jackson asked as she lay her hand on Emma’s shoulder.

“It’s Regina. I...I think I just saw her on tv. On CCN. She’s been taken hostage and I don’t know if she’s still alive. I just… I need to know,” Emma explained, a silent tear escaped her eye.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” 

Nurse Jackson engulfed her in tight hug and Emma let her tears run free. The fear that had been building up for weeks only grew worse now she had seen Regina, begging for her life. Seeing Regina like that had only made Emma more anxious for the tough Marine she had only known through letters. 

Emma freed herself from the nurse’s embrace and looked up to her with red, puffy eyes and a tear streaked face.

“I need to know if she’s okay,” she said. 

Nurse Jackson nodded and lead her to the nurse’s office. She sat down behind the computer and waited impatiently for it to start running.

“Do you know where she’s stationed her and what platoon she’s in?” Nurse Jackson asked.

“Uh, yeah. Wait, I used to write this down every time.” 

Emma stormed out of the nurse’s office and ran full speed through the hallway to her room. Next to her bed in the nightstand laid all of Regina’s letters. Emma grabbed them and smirked as she found what she was looking for. She grabbed the envelope with her and ran back. 

“Hey, Swan! No running!” one of the nurses called after her. 

Emma choose to ignore her and came to a screeching halt in the nurse’s office. 

“She’s stationed at Camp Geiger, don’t know her platoon. She never told me,” Emma said gasping for air.

Nurse Jackson nodded and did a quick search. She scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to Emma.

“Good luck,” she said sincerely.

“Thank you.” 

Emma made a beeline back to the telephone, luckily she didn’t run into any other nurses. With trembling fingers she dialed the number. She glanced at the clock and hoped someone would still be there to pick up the phone at eight o’clock in the evening. The dial tone kept sounding in her ear and she was about to give up hope when someone answered.

_ “Hello?” _

Emma perked up, holding the phone tightly.

“Hi, this is Emma Swan speaking. Uh, I just saw the news about private Mills and uh, I wanted to know if she’s alright,” she said.

_ “Are you family?” _

“Uh, no, but…”

_ “I’m sorry, I can’t give you that information if you’re not related.” _

“But, we wrote to each other. Just tell me if she’s okay,” Emma pleaded.

_ “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t. Perhaps you can contact the marine’s family.”  _

“Okay. Thanks. Bye.” 

_ “I’m really sorry I can’t help you. I hope you have a good evening.”  _

The line went dead and Emma stared at the phone in her hand. Anger, fear and grief boiled inside her, fighting for dominance.

_ ‘ _ _...can’t give you that information’ _

The phone went flying through the air, crashing against the window. Emma had hoped it would have broken the window, but she had no such luck. 

_ ‘...not related’ _

There was no way in hell she would be calling Regina’s mother, she wouldn’t tell her anyway. The Marine Corps was being of no help either and Emma cursed once again at the fact that she was trapped here. She needed to get out of here, she needed to find out if Regina was okay. If she wouldn’t be in here, she would’ve driven to Camp Geiger and camp out there until they would tell her what happened to Regina. Not knowing was driving her insane. 

Emma stormed through the halls to the entrance hall of the clinic. The doors were closed as they always were and the hall on the other side was deserted. Emma tried to open the doors with all the strength she had, but the doors wouldn’t open. She started banging on them.

“Let me out. Let me the fuck out!” she screamed. 

She needed to get out of here, she needed to get to Regina. She just needed to see the woman she had been writing, needed to know what happened. The Marine had become such an important part in her life and she couldn’t bear the thought of never meeting her, of not getting to know the woman whom she had only spoken through letters. And if, in the worst case scenario, Regina had died, she needed to pay her respects. No matter what had happened, she needed to get out now. 

She kept banging and kicking the doors until two arms tried to grab her from behind. Blinded by anger she swung to whomever was behind her and hit the person square in their face. 

“Emma! Calm down!” the person cried out, stumbling backwards.

“Let me go! Let me out!” 

Free from the arms, Emma started banging again. She didn’t feel her hands were bleeding, she didn’t feel the pain on the sides of her wrists. All she felt was this need to get out to go and find Regina. Another pair of arms wrapped around her again, these were much stronger. They held her in a tight headlock. Emma was screaming, thrashing and kicking to get free, but the person behind her was too strong. Realizing she wasn’t getting out of these strong arms, she went limp and could only cry. Vaguely she was aware of the arms removed themselves and she slid to the ground. The softer pair of arms wrapped around her once again and Nurse Jackson behind her rocked her softly. Emma didn’t really register all of this, all she felt was this emptiness inside her. An emptiness called Regina.

Grief had won after all.

 

**4th January 2001, Boston**

**(Day 65)**

Snow was still falling when Emma stood up that morning. Children had been making snowmen in front of the windows and one was standing right in front of hers. Emma smiled and grabbed her stuff to go to yoga. She glanced at the calendar when she walked out of the room and saw she only had 25 days to go and a small smile appeared on her face. She was almost there. 

She walked into the gym and saw she was one of the first. Mulan was messing with the cd-player when Emma walked up to her. Mulan looked up as she heard the footsteps and smiled at Emma.

“Good morning, early bird,” she smiled.

“Morning. How are you?” Emma asked as she laid down her yoga mat.

“Good, a bit hangover. You?”

“I’m… I’m good. Hangover? What did you do?” Emma asked curious.

Mulan hesitated for a moment as she stood, gathering her thoughts.

“Went out with some friends. And drank a bit too much,” Mulan finally said.

“O, I miss those days!” Emma exclaimed with a smirk, thinking about all the nights she went out. “Although, they are the reason I’m here,” she concluded thoughtful.

“Well, I’m regretting it now, so I don’t think you have to miss it too much,” Mulan winked, knowing to keep it light.

“Maybe some yoga will do you good. I can take over if you’re too hungover,” Emma teased.

“You wish.”

With a grin Emma sat down on her mat and started stretching. Other people filed into the gym, most of them were newbies. There were times Emma missed Lilly, but knew she would see her soon enough. 

Mulan kicked off the class and soon enough Emma was indulged in the class. Yoga always helped to clear her head, but today it didn’t seem to be working. Regina’s wellbeing kept popping up in her head and for the umpteenth time she was wondering if the Marine was still alive. She hadn’t heard anything from her and Emma hadn’t dared to call Zelena yet. 

“Emma!” Mulan’s voice so close to her, startled her and as she looked around, she saw the class had ended. The gym was empty apart from her and Mulan. “You were far away,” the black haired woman chuckled.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Emma stood up and rolled up her mat. 

“Are you okay?” Mulan asked, taking in Emma.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit occupied,” Emma said as she stood up right with the mat firmly tucked under her arm.

“Want to talk about it?” Mulan offered. 

Emma shrugged, contemplating if she should burden Mulan with her messed up life and shook her head.

“There is something else I wanted to ask you,” she said as they made their way to the exit. “As you know, I’ll be out of here soon. I’m kinda looking for a sponsor.”

“And you thought of me?” Mulan asked surprised.

“Yes. I mean, we are kind of friends, right?” Emma asked, suddenly insecure.

“Yeah, we’re friends alright. But I’m not sure if I’m the right person to be your sponsor,” Mulan said apologetic.

“Why not? I think you’ll be great at it. I trust you,” Emma encountered, trying to convince the other woman. 

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea, because we are friends,” Mulan replied. “I’m sorry.”

Emma shrugged and pulled back. 

“It’s fine, you’re probably right. See you next class.”

Emma turned around before Mulan could reply. She didn’t see the sad look Mulan had on her face as she looked after Emma.

 

**15th January 2001**

**(Day 76)**

“So, I haven’t seen you a couple of days. How are you?”

Emma was once again sat in Archie’s office, Pongo sat between her legs getting an ear scratch.

“Good. Sitting out the last weeks,” Emma joked. 

“Yeah, how’s that going?”

Emma shrugged and leant back into the couch. 

“Okay, I guess. You know what they say, the last mile is the longest one.”

Archie chuckled and nodded. Pongo nudged Emma’s leg, he wasn’t done with the scratching. Emma reacted almost immediately, continuing the scratching. 

“He’s going to miss you,” Archie observed.

“I’m going to miss him too,” she smiled adoringly to the dog. “And you too,” she added.

Archie cocked his head to the side smiling back at the blonde before him, she had come a long way. 

“Well, you’ve come a long way, can’t say I’m not going to miss our conversations,” he admitted. 

“So, what’s today subject?” Emma asked.

“Sponsors. Have you found one yet?”

Emma shook her head, thinking about her conversation with Mulan.

“No, unfortunately. I’ve tried, but failed.”

“Then, maybe,” Archie reached for a folder on his desk. “I have a sponsor for you. She’s been clean for years and you reminded me of her. She was a handful as well,” he teased her.

“Gee, thanks. I thought you were supposed to make me better, not worse,” she teased him right back.

He handed her the folder and Emma opened it. There was a picture attached to the file of a girl with wild curly red hair and a shit eating grin. Emma immediately was intrigued, she had a feeling they would get along.

“I can set up a meeting if you want?” Archie offered.

Emma nodded and handed him the folder back.

“Yeah, I would like that.”

Archie looked like he wanted to start on another subject, but decided against it. If Emma had heard anything about Regina, she would have told him and he didn’t want to prod in what was clearly not his business.

“Well, then we’re through for today. See you tomorrow at the group session?” he asked, knowing Emma had come to hate them more and more.

“If you bring coffee,” she said as she walked to the door.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Emma smirked and closed the door behind her.

 

**19th January 2001, Boston**

**(Day 80)**

Nervously Emma stood in front of the door to the common room. She knew her new sponsor was waiting for her in there and Emma was so nervous. Taking a deep breath, she entered the room and almost immediately saw the redhead. It looked like she had made an attempt to tame the wild curls, but had failed. As Emma walked over to her, she saw the woman wasn’t alone. There was another woman sitting at the table and there was a fluttering of hands between them. 

“Hi,” she said awkwardly. 

The woman next to the redhead pointed towards Emma and the redhead looked up, waving excitedly. The fluttering hands started again and the woman next to the redhead spoke up.

“Hi, you must be Emma. I’m Merida.” Confused Emma looked between them, she had recognized the redhead from the folder as Merida. “I’m Jocelyn, her interpreter.”

“You’re deaf?” Emma stated surprised.

Merida just nodded, clearly expecting the question. Hands flew into action, Merida never looked away from the blonde before her.

“Is it going to be a problem?”

“No, nope. Not at all,” Emma replied. “Just hadn’t expected a deaf sponsor,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Merida just stared at her and Emma was scared she had offended the fierce looking redhead. Then Merida burst out laughing, a laugh Emma hadn’t expected at all. It sounded like a clear waterfall, nothing like she had imagined how a deaf person would sound laughing.

“I like you,” Jocelyn translated and the woman gave Emma a quick wink. 

Relieved, Emma sat down and watched in amazement the fluent hand motions Merida was making.

“So, how many days do you have left?” she asked through Jocelyn.

“10 more days. It’s becoming a drag, to be honest. I could’ve been out of here by now, but I had a relapse during my first release,” Emma said, surprising herself at how easily she could talk about the relapse.

She had only told Regina about the relapse and how she had felt about it. A pang shot through her heart, she couldn’t help but miss the interaction with Regina.

“You okay?” 

The soft hand on her arm made her look up and smiled reassuringly at Merida.

“Yeah. Sorry. Anyway, do you even want to be my sponsor?” she asked, trying to ignore the pain.

“Of course, otherwise I wouldn’t be here,” Merida smirked.

“Duh. So, how do we do this? I haven’t done this before,” Emma said unsure.

“Well, you’re not my first, so how about we see each other every other day? At least in the first few weeks. I know how hard it is out there,” Merida suggested.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Merida grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled her number on it. 

“Text me when you need me. Calling won’t work, but I always reply,” she promised.

“Will do. Thank you.”

Merida smiled at her and Emma felt a bit better after they said goodbye. They would meet up again as soon as Emma was released and it made her feel more secure. She wasn’t alone in this.

 

**29th January 2001, Boston**

**(Day 90)**

Today was the day. Today was the last day in rehab and Emma was so glad to leave this place. She had some dark moments here, but she had come out of them. She felt like a brand new Emma and was ready to take on the world. As she walked past the mailboxes, she had the sinking feeling of unfinished business. Out of habit she checked her box, but it was empty clean. She hadn’t heard anything from Regina and the news hadn’t reported anything about it either. It was driving her nuts and finding out what had happened to the Marine would be one of the first things she would do when she got out. 

Emma looked around her now clean room. All of her stuff was packed and ready to go. Lilly had offered her a place to stay, seeing she was no longer a student at the university. Emma was glad with the offer, she needed a place to get her life back on the line. A knock on the door made her look up.

“It’s time, kiddo.”

Nurse Jackson stood there smiling and Emma hugged her tightly.

“Thank you for everything,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome. Now, get the hell out of here and don’t let me see your face here ever again,” she warned the blonde jokingly.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Emma gathered her backs and for the first time in 5 months she sat step outside of the clinic, completely free. Ruby stood there waiting before her car with a big smile. 

“You did it!”

Emma let go of her bag and hugged her best friend. She was so glad to be out. Someone cleared their throat behind Ruby and Emma looked up. Behind Ruby stood a tall brunette, wearing civilian clothes. Her eyes raked upwards over the body to the woman’s eyes and with a shock Emma recognized the chocolate eyes. 

  
“Regina?”


	13. Regina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, leaving kudo's and for reviewing! They all really made my day.  
> I hope you're going to enjoy the next chapter, it's where they finally meet!

**29th January 2000, Boston**

“Hi.”

With her heart beating rapidly in her chest, Regina stepped forward past the woman with the red streak in her hair. Emma stepped forward as well and Regina’s heart skipped a beat. A pair of bright green eyes were taking her in until their eyes met. 

“Is it really you?” Emma finally asked.

Emma’s voice sounded so clear now and Regina found herself yearning to hear that voice again or hear how Emma’s laugh would sound. 

“Yeah, it’s me,” she replied, smiling shyly. 

Suddenly Emma stood before her and engulfed her in a bear hug. Regina’s first reaction was to deflect the hug, but then the faint scent of strawberries and vanilla hit her nostrils and she relaxed. She wrapped her arms around Emma’s waist and pulled her even closer. She buried her face into the blonde’s hair and inhaled the scent. 

“You’re okay,” Emma whispered in her ear and a chill ran down her spine. “I’ve been so scared.”

Regina’s inhaled sharply at that confession as something warm nestled itself in the pit of her stomach. She had been so scared Emma would have been angry at her and would have wanted nothing to do with her. But this confession said quite the opposite. Emma had been worried about her, not mad. Regina tried to hide her smile, she felt so relieved.

“I’m okay and so are you.”

Regina now broke the hug so she could look Emma in the eyes. Their eyes locked and the world seemed to stop at that moment, only she and Emma were present. The warmth in the pit of her stomach spread through her body and she felt herself melt under Emma’s intense stare. Regina wouldn’t have mind standing here forever with Emma finally in her arms and that thought confused her. How could she feel like this when this was the first time they met? Were all those stories about love at first sight true? She really liked to believe it. 

“How did you know I was getting out today?” Emma suddenly asked, pulling her out of her confused thoughts.

“I did the math…”

“And she had a little help!”

Zelena appeared next to her and Regina looked aside lovingly at her younger sister. Even though she was so sick at the moment, the doctors had granted her permission to tag along. They would still be on the campus of the hospital if something went wrong after all. 

“You little devil,” Emma teased with a huge smirk.

Regina watched as Zelena’s eyes sparked as she laughed at Emma and as Regina looked back at the blonde, she saw the affection Emma had when interacting with Zelena. Zelena had told her about the unlikely friendship and Regina was glad for it. Now Zelena wouldn’t be alone when she was overseas, there was someone to look after her.

“I heard you two formed quite a friendship,” Regina quipped. 

“Ah well, she takes after her sister,” Emma winked at Regina.

If Regina wasn’t mistaken, miss Swan was flirting with her. Her first reaction was to flirt back, but then she remembered her position. She was a Marine and being gay wasn’t acceptable in the forces. So instead, she smiled shyly and cursed at the narrow minded people in this world. 

Someone cleared her throat and as Regina looked behind her, she saw it was the woman with the red streak in her hair.

“Ah, yes. Uh, Regina? This is Ruby, my friend,” Emma introduced the woman.

“Hi, nice to meet you. Emma told me about you,” Regina said friendly.

“Nice to meet you too. I’m glad to finally meet you,” Ruby replied. “Ems, we’ve got to go. Lily is waiting for us,” she said to Emma.

“Yeah. I… I’m really glad to finally have met you and that you’re in one piece,” Emma said shyly looking back. 

“Yeah, me too,” Regina chuckled, Emma was adorable when being shy. “Call me?” she asked as she handed Emma her card. 

Emma accepted it and after looking at the card for a moment, she nodded. 

“I definitely will,” she promised.

“Good.”

Emma moved to hug Zelena and then moved  back to Regina. Regina was the one to pull her into a tight hug and wished once again they could just stand here  like this forever. She really didn’t want to let go and buried her face once again in Emma’s hair to imprint the scent and the feeling of Emma’s body against hers. 

“Talk to you soon,” Emma whispered before letting go.

Regina just nodded, fighting against the urge to simply not let go of Emma. She didn’t want to say goodbye so soon, but knew they had to. Emma had to get her life on the rails and she had to help her sister. Regina watched as the car drove off and she tried to keep it in sight as long as she could. Finally, the car made a turn and disappeared out of sight. Regina sighed, she couldn’t have prepared herself for all these sudden feelings. During her time away she had looked forward for the letters and became curious to the woman behind the letter, but during her captivity Emma had been her lifeline without knowing if Emma even liked her. Meeting her had clarified a few things, that is if she had read the flirting from the blonde right. 

“She’s great, isn’t she?” Zelena pulled her out of her thoughts.

Regina looked aside and nodded.

“Yeah. Was she really that worried about me?” Regina asked, needing the confirmation.

“Yes. I visited her after your… you know, and she was… she was a wreck. She really believed you had abandoned her,” Zelena told her as they made their way back to the hospital.

“I would never do that!” Regina protested.

“She didn’t know that. She hasn’t told me that much about herself, but I think she’s been abandoned a lot,” Zelena remarked as they entered her room. 

“That would explain a few things, but…” 

“Where have you two been?!” 

Both Mills’ girls startled at the angry voice greeting them. In the middle of the room stood a fuming Cora, looking really pissed off. 

“You, young lady, belong in bed. I would have thought better of you, Regina!” Cora reprimanded them sternly.

“We were only outside to get some fresh air,” Regina defended the both of them, it seemed wiser not to tell her mom about Emma.

“Outside? And the doctors let you?” Cora asked incredulously. 

“Yes. They even supported it. As long as I’m feeling good enough,” Zelena replied as she crawled into her bed. 

“At least they could have told me,” Cora huffed. 

“It’s not like we were running a marathon, mother,” Regina objected. 

Cora huffed again and turned on her heels to check on Zelena. Regina chuckled and followed her into the room. She and Zelena were sharing the room until after the surgery and Regina was glad for it. She gathered her clothes and headed towards the shower.

“I’m going to take a shower. How about dinner after that?” she asked.

“I think it will be just us then,” Cora said as she motioned at the sleeping Zelena.

“Okay, yeah.”

Regina disappeared into the shower and stripped down her clothes. She turned on the shower and stared into the mirror until the water was warm. Her face was pale and under her eyes she had black circles. She didn’t sleep well and felt restless. 

Everything had moved so fast after she had been rescued. They had transported her and Lizzy back to the camp where Corporal Greene had examined her. Soon after that a helicopter had transported her back to Germany for further treatment of the burns on her back. While getting treatments for her physical wounds, she also had treatment for the psychological wounds. They had tried to help her deal with her demons, but to this night she had nightmares. They were always the same: she was running through a dark tunnel, with behind her heavy footsteps. She always ran into a wall and  _ he  _ was always the one chasing her. 

Regina shuddered and willed herself to think about something else. She turned and felt if the water was warm enough. She stepped into the shower and let the warm water hit her tarnished skin. Even though Zelena had a rough night, she had insisted on joining her to see Emma. Regina smiled as she thought back on how excited Zelena had been. 

_ “You’re finally going to meet her! You’re going to love her, she’s awesome!”  _ she had said.

Zelena might have been right there, Regina had a strong feeling she was falling for the blonde. She couldn’t say for sure, they only met once and had written a bunch of letters. And yet when they had met, Regina had felt so safe in Emma’s embrace. Just thinking about her filled her with a warmth she had never felt. She sighed as she realized in what kind of precarious situation she was. 

The world wasn’t really accepting of gay people and the Marines weren’t an exception. If she were to pursue this, she would have to hide it. Before she went to Somalia, she almost had been caught with that girl from the bar. If she was in the right mind she would stop whatever this was with Emma, but she didn’t think she was in the right mind. Emma had started to mean so much to her and Emma didn’t even know, but the blonde had saved her life. Without Emma, she would have given up. She would have died over there. And Emma had accomplished that without meeting in person. That must count for something, right? Regina believed Ismail had been right, Emma might be her soulmate. 

The water had run cold when Regina stepped from under it, her mind made up. She would keep meeting Emma and find out if Emma even felt the same for her. The woman had flirted with her after all. Regina just had to be super careful. 

Dressed in a pair of loose fitting jeans and a plain shirt, she stepped out of the shower. Her mother was sitting next to Zelena’s bed, reading something. Regina observed the couple, she hadn’t seen her mother so serene in a long time. 

“Are you ready?” she asked quietly.

Cora looked up and smiled at seeing her oldest daughter. She knew her daughters thought of her as a cold, heartless bitch, but she was so grateful for Regina’s return. She had thrown Regina out in a fit of anger and had hoped it would have scared her. But Regina had pushed through and become a fine Marine and Cora was proud of her.

“Yes.”

She stood up and walked next to Regina to the elevator. While they waited for it to return, she looked aside at her daughter. She noticed how tired Regina looked and her eyes didn’t sparkle like they used to. Regina hadn’t told her in detail what had happened to her during her captivity, but Cora imagined it had been horrible. She had been so scared when they had told her Regina had gone missing. She had been so outraged when she found out a bunch of rebels had captured and tortured her daughter. 

Cora grabbed Regina’s hand and squeezed it softly. Regina looked up surprised and found her mother looking at her with a soft look on her face. 

“I’m so proud of you, Regina,” Cora finally said.

Regina was about to make a harsh remark when the meaning of Cora’s words fully sank in and she blinked in surprise. Her mother had never said something like this to her.

“Thank you,” she replied softly.

The elevator doors slid open and they stepped inside. Cora pushed the button and averted her eyes from Regina.

“I know I never told you, but when you were missing, I’ve been so, so scared and I realised what kind of mother I’ve been. I’m sorry, Regina,” the last words were whispered and Regina had to strain her ears to hear them. Regina was at a loss for words, her mother had never opened like this to her. “And I never told you I love you,” Cora added when Regina still hadn’t said anything.

“I love you too,” Regina said, her voice trembling.

Cora squeezed her hand when the doors slid open at the first floor.

“Come, let’s have dinner.”

They found a table near the window and as Regina looked outside, she saw the sun was setting. It had always been her favorite time of the day, she shared that with her father. 

“What are you thinking?” Cora asked.

Regina looked back at her mother who sat across from her and picked up her fork.

“Not much. Just how much dad loved the sunset,” she said.

“Yeah, I know. Sometimes you look so much like him,” Cora mused, watching the sunset as well. “He is missed.”

Regina just nodded and started eating her salad. She didn’t notice Cora was studying her until she looked up.

“What?” she asked with a small smile.

“Nothing. Just happy to be here sitting with you,” Cora smiled back.

“I’m happy too and mom… you weren’t a bad mother. You just knew exactly what you wanted,” Regina said, referring back to their little conversation earlier in the elevator. “That doesn’t make you a bad mother.”

Cora lowered her fork and grabbed Regina’s hand. 

“Thank you. I tried to do better with Zelena, but…”

“Hey, her illness isn’t your fault. How could it be?” Regina reacted and squeezed her mother’s hand.

“Karma or something?” 

“Nah, I don’t believe that. And she will get better. After this transplant, you’ll see,” Regina promised her.

Cora nodded, a little smile formed back on her face. A comfortable silence fell between them and it was only when they finished their desserts, Cora spoke again.

“When are you due back?” she asked.

Regina cleaned her mouth with the napkin and placed it folded up back on the table. Some habits die hard.

“Somewhere after the surgery. They are giving me time to recover. From everything,” she replied, keeping her tone lightly.

“Why are you going back, after everything?” Cora asked, picking up what Regina meant.

“Because I’m still in service, mom. It is my duty and I want to go back. Especially after what happened. People need to be protected against that type of men,” Regina replied, knowing this could cause a discussion. A discussion she wasn’t sure she was ready for.

“But, why do  _ you _ have to do that? There are other people who can do that!” Cora exclaimed, trying to keep her voice calm.

“I know, but I want to. Mom, you haven’t been there. It’s… It’s so horrible and these women are defenseless. I’ve trained for this, hell, I’m still training for this. It’s what I want. And all over the world there are sick people like the ones who kidnapped me and I know I can’t stop them all, but if I can stop just one, I’m happy. Because I saved someone’s life,” Regina took a deep breath after her little speech.

Cora looked silently at her daughter, she had never seen her so passionate. Perhaps Regina had needed that push to join the Marines, because Cora couldn’t be more proud right now. She nodded and grabbed Regina’s hand.

“Than you must do it.”

**2th February 2000, Boston**

The hospital room was quiet, but Regina felt restless. Zelena was sleeping and while the doctors had advised her to do the same, Regina just couldn’t do it. She had never been able during the day and now that she was being haunted by nightmares as soon as she closed her eyes, it was even harder.

She turned and looked at the sleeping Zelena. She was so glad to see her little sister again. Regina smiled as she recalled her homecoming. The doctors eventually had sent her home after the burns had healed and the moment she had set foot on American soil had filled her with relief. She was finally home. After she had been through process and security Zelena and her mother had been waiting for her with this big, silly sign: _ Welcome home, Regina! _ Her mother had been the first that reached her and had done something she had never done, she had hugged Regina so tightly, Regina was scared she’d broken a few bones. She would never forget how her mother had looked at her in that moment, Cora had this unusual glance in her eyes and Regina believed it was love. After their conversation a couple of days ago, Regina was sure that had been it.  

Then Zelena had taken her turn, hugging her slightly more careful. When Regina had looked back at her mother, Cora had the same cold mask on, but Regina knew better. Her mother was glad she was alive and somewhat okay. 

Her phone started vibrating and Regina quickly picked it up before Zelena would hear it and woke. She sat down on the windowsill and unlocked her phone. She had one new message, from Emma. They had started texting almost immediately after they departed after their meeting. Emma had kept her up to date on her life outside rehab and Regina had found herself laughing more then once at Emma’s dry comments on life. The blonde had told her all about her deaf sponsor and how she had been intrigued about sign language. Regina had told her she knew a bit of sign language and had offered her to teach her.  

Her phone buzzed again and Regina opened the text message. 

‘ _ Hey, I just got back from my sponsor. Do you have time to meet? Or are the doctors still holding you hostage?’  _ Regina chuckled at the forwardness from Emma. The woman wasn’t having pity and Regina liked that.  _ ‘Oh, shit, that was a wrong choice of words. I’m sorry!’  _

Regina quickly typed a message back. ‘ _ Don’t worry about it, I like your bluntness. It means you’re not pitying me like everyone else. I’d like to meet up, I’m bored out of my mind!’  _ She hit send and set the phone down next to her.

She looked back at Zelena, the girl had taken a bad turn last night and her doctors were putting a rush behind the transplantation. Regina had been cleared for the surgery, now they had to wait until Zelena would be fit enough for the surgery. Regina really wished she had been able to be here sooner and once again she cursed at that Somalian rebel who had taken her. She didn’t even know his name and she didn’t want to know. Her phone buzzed again and quickly she opened the text. 

_ ‘Great! How about we meet in the foyer of the hospital? I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.’ _

Regina’s heart fluttered at the thought of seeing Emma again, alone this time. She had longed for this moment for so long and for a second she thought of Ismail, he would have been so happy for her. A pang of sadness shot through her heart, Ismail had become a real friend in the short time they had had. 

Regina’s fingers flew over the keyboard of her phone. 

_ ‘I’ll see you in fifteen!’ _

Regina stood up from the windowsill and walked over to her bed. She placed her suitcase on her bed and tried to find something suitable. All she had with her were some comfortable clothes and her uniform. She groaned softly, she couldn’t face Emma in a pair of sweatpants or her uniform. 

“What are you doing?” a soft voice behind her asked.

Regina turned around and found a sleepy Zelena looking at her. 

“Oh, did I wake you? I’m sorry,” she said sorrowful.

“I was already awake. What are you doing?” Zelena repeated the question.

Defeated, Regina looked at her suitcase.

“I’m trying to find something suitable to wear. I’m meeting Emma in fifteen minutes. No, twelve minutes,” Regina said after looking at the clock.

“You are?” Zelena said, her voice raised in excitement.

“Yes, and I have nothing to wear,” Regina complained. 

“I don’t think Emma will mind what you’re wearing,” Zelena said with a smile.

“But I do!”

Zelena chuckled and dragged herself out of bed. Dragging the pole with the bag of her drip behind her, she peeked into Regina’s suitcase. 

“Why don’t you wear your pants from your uniform with this sweater?” Zelena offered as she pulled a grey sweater out of the suitcase. It was her sweater from Camp Geiger and Regina shook her head.

“That would look ridiculous, no wonder you always look like you’re living in a trailer park,” Regina teased her sister, which earned her a light shove against her shoulder. 

“Gjee, thanks,” Zelena replied chuckling, resulting in a coughing fit.

Regina was just in time to catch the girl before she collapsed. 

“Here, lay back down. I know what to wear. You just wait and see,” she winked as she tucked Zelena in. 

Zelena only nodded while still coughing and Regina grabbed her clothes out of the suitcase. She disappeared in the bathroom only to appear a few minutes later wearing her slacks from her uniform and a plain white blouse. In her hand she held her stripes. 

“Will this do?” she asked nervously.

“You look amazing,” Zelena replied, smiling weakly. 

“Thank you.”

Regina walked over and sat down next to Zelena, grabbing her hand. 

“Get some rest, sweetie. I’ll be back soon,” she promised.

“Go charm the socks off her, okay?” Zelena said softly.

Regina chuckled and nodded. 

“I’ll try.”

Zelena smiled and closed her eyes. Regina waited for her to have fallen asleep and tiptoed out of the room. She closed the door softly and as she walked down the hall to the elevator, her heart started to flutter and the nerves settled in the pit of her stomach. 


	14. Emma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sooo sorry for the delay, I had to move last month and live was kind of hectic. But, I finally finished the latest chapter.   
> Hope you guys like it, let me know what you think! O, and a small warning, there's some smutt at the end of this chapter ;)

####  **Chapter Fourteen ‘Emma’**

2th February 2001, Boston

With her hands in her pockets, Emma walked into the hospital. She had taken the bus to get here, as she hadn’t picked up her car yet from Granny’s. For a moment she just stood there in the lobby to get her bearings. The rehab clinic was separated from the hospital, so she didn’t exactly know where the hospital restaurant was. Up ahead stood a map and Emma walked up to it. She studied the map, nodded and walked off in the direction of the restaurant. 

While walking through the halls, she wondered if Regina was already there and all of a sudden she felt nervous. Yes, they had met in real life a couple of days ago, but they had been surrounded by people. Now it would be just the two of them and Emma hoped it wouldn’t be awkward. 

She walked into the restaurant and spotted Regina almost immediately. She sat at a table next to the window, looking out at the garden with a steaming cup of tea in front of her. Emma only realized now it was the same garden she had taken numerous walks in during her stay in rehab. 

Regina was oblivious to Emma who was observing her from afar. The brunette was wearing a pair of simple black slacks and a white blouse. Her face was pale and the expression on her face was a sad one and Emma could see she was far, far away with her thoughts. Emma approached the table and cleared her throat as to not scare Regina. Regina looked up, her eyes still glazed, but as soon as she saw Emma, she smiled.

“Hey,” Regina said.

“Hi,” Emma smiled back and sat down across from Regina.

“Do you want something to drink?” Regina asked friendly.

“No, I’m good,” Emma replied and took off her jacket and her woolen beanie.

An awkward silence fell between them as Emma placed her arms on the table and fiddled with the beanie.

“I…”

“This…”

Both stopped talking abruptly and Emma chuckled as she stuffed her beanie inside her jacket. 

“You go first,” she said as she leant back on the table.

“I was glad to receive your text. I was almost climbing into the walls of boredom,” Regina said.

“I can believe that. How is Zelena doing?” Emma asked sincerely.

“Not to good. Her kidneys are failing and she needs the surgery as soon as possible, but at the same time she’s to weak to have the surgery,” Regina said, her face fell.

“That’s doesn’t sound good. Are you still her donor?” Emma asked.

“Only if there is no other kidney available in the next twelve hours, yes,” Regina responded. 

“That’s intense. How are you doing?” Emma asked.

“Good, I guess,” Regina shrugged. “It’s been weird being back. My mom… she’s different. We even had a normal conversation the other day,” she said and shook her head slightly.

“You two never talk?”

“Not like that. I told you that she practically disowned when I joined the Corps, right?” Emma nodded. “Well, we never had a good relationship. I was more of a daddy’s girl,” Regina smiled fondly. 

“Your father’s not around?” Emma guessed.

“No. He died a couple of years ago.”

“I’m sorry, Regina,” Emma offered.

“Thanks. Anyway, my mother and I always clashed and that conversation the other day was just weird. I don’t know.”

“Maybe it’s because of you… you know, being AWOL,” Emma thought out loud.

“Perhaps. I just don’t know what to think of it.” Regina fell silent for a moment before looking curiously at Emma. “How have you been?” she asked, turning the conversation around.

“Good, I suppose. Still adjusting to the outside world,” Emma said as she thought about the last couple of days. 

Together with Ruby she had moved in with Lilly, met up with Merida and had gone job hunting. Thanks to Ruby she had gotten an interview at a coffeehouse at the campus and tomorrow she would have her trial run. 

“I hear you,” Regina nodded.

Emma clasped her hand before her mouth and her eyes widened in shock.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Hey, don’t be. It’s nice to talk to someone who understands,” Regina said smiling.

“Yeah, but what you’ve been through is no way near the same of what I’ve been through,” Emma exclaimed.

“But we both couldn’t go where we wanted to. So, we understand each other,” Regina explained.

“If you put it like that, yeah. But still…”

“I know, I was held at gunpoint, you were there voluntarily,” Regina chuckled dryly. Emma raised her eyebrow, not sure how to respond to that remark. “I’m sorry. To be honest, I haven’t talked to anybody about it, apart from the shrinks from the Corps. I feel I can handle the whole ordeal when I joke about it. I think that when I really talk about it, I’ll just break,” Regina admitted quietly.

“I understand. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through,” Emma nodded.

“Please don’t. Look, let’s not talk about this. I actually wanted to keep it light. So, please tell me more about you,” Regina asked desperately.

“Okay,” Emma chuckled. “Well, as you know, I’m a recovering drug addict. My roommate is a recovering addict as well and my sponsor is deaf. Have I told you that?” Regina shook her head, a small smile formed on her face and Emma liked it. It made Regina’s face more relaxed and Emma wondered how a full smile would look like. Emma promised herself she would make it her mission to make Regina laugh again. “Yeah, she visited me in rehab with her interpreter and I had no idea what to do. Now she’s teaching me sign language and she’s helping me to stay on the right track,” Emma told the woman in front of her.

Regina had leant back in her chair and looked a bit more relaxed. The small smile had turned a bit wider, but Emma could still see the dark spot in her eyes. The brunette had gone through hell and back and it made Emma’s blood boil. She had always hated bullies and Regina had been captured by the worst kind. She understood why Regina didn’t want to talk about it, it probably was still to painful. She could only hope Regina would open up to somebody about it someday, it would do her no good to let it fester inside. Emma realized she wanted to be that somebody for Regina, but didn’t want to force herself onto Regina. 

“She sounds really awesome,” Regina said, pulling her out of her reveries.

“She is. You should meet her someday,” Emma smiled.

“I would like that. Any luck on the job hunting?” 

“Sort of. I had an interview at a coffeehouse at the campus of the university and tomorrow I have my trial run,” Emma said excited.

“Awesome. Now I know where I’ll go and get my morning brew,” Regina smirked.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Regina!”

Both women looked up startled as an older woman who was the spitting image of Regina came dashing through their table. Gasping for air, the woman stopped next to their table. Regina rose to her feet and grabbed the woman by her shoulder.

“Mom? What is it?” she asked startled.

“They found a donor,” Cora said.

“They did? That… that’s great news! Can I see Zelena before she goes?” Regina asked, grabbing her purse.

“That’s why I came to get you. They’re about to take her to surgery,” Cora nodded.

Regina nodded and turned to face Emma. 

“I’m sorry to…” 

“No, no, go! Go be with Zelena and wish her good luck from me,” Emma said, she was so happy to hear Zelena got her new kidney.

“Zelena wants to see you to, dear,” Cora said as she turned to Emma, there was a slither of cold in her voice.

“She does?” Cora nodded curtly. “Okay then. Let’s go.”

Emma grabbed her jacket with her and walked with the two brunettes to the elevator. Not a word was spoken as they waited for the elevator to arrive and Emma took that time to study Cora. The woman had this cold and uptight demeanor over her and Emma could understand why Regina didn’t have a good relation with her. The woman was a real ice queen. 

The elevator arrived and they all stepped into it, Cora pressed the button of the right floor and the doors closed.

“Thanks for coming,” Regina whispered as she leant towards Emma.

“No problem. I care about her,” Emma replied softly.  

“I know,” Regina said with a little smile on her face.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Cora was the first one to step forward, Regina and Emma followed her. They walked to Zelena’s room, where the girl was waiting for them. She was already wearing the ugly green hospital gown and Emma had never seen her so pale. 

Zelena smiled brightly at the two women and Regina was the first one to hug her. She whispered something in Zelena’s ear, Emma couldn’t hear what. By the time Regina let go of her, the brunette’s face was a mask, only showing how worried she was. Emma briefly stroked her arm and squeezed her hand as she stepped past her. Emma engulfed the younger Mills’ in her arms. 

“Go get ‘m, okay? You’re a trooper,” Emma said as she felt Zelena’s arm snake around her neck.

“Take care of ‘Gina for me, okay?” Zelena asked softly.

“I will. You just worry about yourself now.”

Zelena smiled and hugged her mother as well just before the nurses came to get her. 

“I’ll see you on the other side!” she winked at them just before she left the room. 

Emma moved to Regina’s side, who still was trying to hold her tears in. 

“She’s going to get through this, she’s so strong,” Emma said softly to her.

Regina only nodded and grabbed Emma’s hand. As she looked up, her face softened and a silent tear escaped the corner of her eye.

“Will you wait with us? Until she’s back?” she asked quietly.

Emma hadn’t wanted it any other way than to wait here with Regina and was about to answer when Cora stepped in.

“I’m sure miss Swan has other business to attend to,” she said sharply.

Emma shot Cora a sharp look, but melted the minute she saw the ice cold stare she received in return. At the same moment, Regina let go of Emma’s hand and nodded.

“Yes. I’m sorry I asked,” Regina recoiled, the mask slipped back on and she sat down. 

Emma’s skin began to crawl as she witnessed what Cora was doing to her daughter, the daughter who went through hell for her country and yet Regina wasn’t free to ask if she could stay. Emma’s first instinct was to give the woman a piece of her mind, but instead she turned to face Regina. She knelt in front of Regina and took her hands in hers, ignoring Cora’s burning eyes. 

“She’s going to be okay. Just like you,” Emma said. 

Now Regina looked up, her face softened as soon as their eyes met.

“Thank you.”

“Call me if you know something?” Emma asked.

“I will. And thank you for the talk,” Regina added.

“Anytime.” Emma stood up and looked at Cora. “I wish you both the best,” she said.

Cora just nodded curtly and Emma left the room with one last look to Regina, who smiled thankfully at her. While walking to the elevator, Emma pulled on her leather red jacket. She pushed the button and with her mind on Regina on Zelena, she stepped into the elevator…

5th February 2001, Boston

Winter was on in its full strength and Emma was glad she was inside. She had landed the job as barista at the campus immediately after her trial run. Apparently she was a natural or they were just desperate for baristas. Emma didn’t care which it was, she was glad to have a job and it was a plus she liked it as well. 

It was a slow day at the campus seeing it was a saturday and Emma stood bored behind the counter. Ariel, her co-worker and mentor, was cleaning the tables for good measure.

“I think they’re clean now,” a bored female voice said next to Emma.

It was Jasmine, their manager and Ariel’s best friend. Jasmine had long black hair tight in a French braid, while Ariel had her long red hair loosely hanging on her shoulders. Ariel stuck out her tongue and came standing in between them. 

“I’m bored,” she whined.

“I can’t magic customers our way, can I?” Jasmine replied.

“But you could try!” Ariel exclaimed excitedly. 

Emma followed the banter between the two of them with a smile and was glad she got hired here. She had had her interview with Jasmine and they had hit it off right away. Emma had been upfront about her addiction, but Jasmine had waved it away saying ‘You’re clean now, right?’ and had offered her the trial run the next day. Ariel had been appointed to show her the ropes and had been pleased with how fast Emma had picked it up. 

Merida had been over the moon with Emma’s new job and was cheering her on. They had decided to see each other at least once a week and Emma had promised to text if she needed her. Ever since Emma had left rehab, she hadn’t felt the need to use. She was just done with the stuff. 

Regina had called her early in the morning the day after the surgery to let Emma know Zelena had came through the surgery and now it was just a waiting game if her body accepted the new kidney. Emma and Regina hadn’t met up anymore and Emma was scared it was because of Cora. 

The door of the coffee shop opened and Regina entered. Jasmine and Ariel both shot up, but Emma grinned at them. 

“I’ve got dibs, I know her,” she said as she made her way to the counter. “Good morning,” she greeted Regina with a big smile.

“Good morning. Told you I would get my coffee here from now on,” Regina replied and Emma almost had the impression the brunette was flirting with her.

“That you did. What can I get you?” Emma asked smirking.

“Just a regular black coffee,” Regina said after a quick glance at the menu.

“Living on the edge. Bold,” Emma replied impressed.

She felt how Regina was watching her as she was making the coffee. She tried not to get her hopes up, but couldn’t shake the feeling that Regina was indeed flirting with her. Finishing the coffee, she returned to Regina and handed her the cup. 

“Thanks. What do I owe you?” Regina asked, already reaching for her wallet.

“Nothing. It’s on the house,” Emma said, ignoring Jasmine’s protest in the background.

“Thanks. That’s really sweet,” Regina smiled and grabbed the cup from the counter.

Emma watched as Regina was about to turn around and walk out of the shop and realized she had to do something if she wanted to see Regina again.

“On a second thought… how about a date?” she asked, not believing what she’d just said.

Regina turned on her heels, half a smile on her face. 

“A date? I can do that. When and where?” Regina asked and Emma thought her heart would stop beating.

“Tomorrow. Boston Zoo?” Emma suggested. “I want to show you where I plan to work for the rest of my life,” she added with a wink.

“Deal. Around ten?” Regina asked.

“Yeah. I’ll see you there.”

“See you tomorrow.”

Regina waved and left the shop. The door was barely closed before Emma let out a loud squeal and started jumping around.

“I’ve got a date, I’ve got a date, I’ve got a date!” she yelled in excitement.

Ariel jumped in on the excitement, while Jasmine looked at them with a smile on her face and a small headshake.

\----

Ruby was laying on her back on her bed. Her eyes were closed and she moaned softly. Between her legs bobbed a dark haired head up and down. The moans coming from Ruby’s head grew louder as she neared her high. The head suddenly stopped bobbing and a lean body moved up over Ruby’s body. 

“Not yet,” she whispered and Ruby grabbed the dark hair.

“Says who?” she asked.

“Me,” the woman above her grinned. 

Ruby moved forward and kissed the woman fiercely, while trying to turn them around. The woman hovering above her anticipated these moves and pinned Ruby down on the bed.

“Nuhuh, you’re mine tonight,” she smirked.

“Mulan,” Ruby whined.

With the grin still on her face, Mulan moved down again, biting the exposed skin underneath her. Ruby let out a low moan when Mulan reached the hot and bothered spot between her legs. This time Mulan didn’t use her mouth, but slid two fingers at once in Ruby. A low and guttural moan escaped Ruby’s mouth and she arched her back. 

“Mulaaaan!” she screamed.

Ruby’s mind went blank and all her senses were focused on Mulan’s administrations inside her. Mulan was relentless and kept moving her fingers in and out, giving Ruby effectively a second orgasm. Mulan slowed her movements, helping Ruby to ride out her orgasm. As soon as Ruby had calmed down, Mulan moved and spooned Ruby against her.

“Wow,” Ruby breathed, her eyes still closed. “That was...wow. Seriously.”

“You’re welcome,” Mulan smiled and kissed Ruby’s shoulder softly.

Ruby turned so she could face Mulan and kissed her gently. Mulan kissed her back and sneakily, Ruby worked her way up on top of Mulan and hung above her.

“My turn,” she smirked. 

Ruby moved to Mulan’s neck and sucked until she was sure Mulan would be sporting a hickey the next day. Grinning, she moved down between Mulan’s legs.

“Holy shit!”

Ruby’s movements stopped abruptly and looked up from between Mulan’s legs. In the doorway stood a mouth open, wide eyed Emma staring at them. Ruby was about to open her mouth when Emma turned on her heels and walked out, leaving the door wide open.

“Shit.”


End file.
